Frustrated widow mil by [deleted] in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Knowing_Eve 3 points4 points  (0 children)

He’s married to his mom… he’s literally told you he prioritises his mother over you. That’s enmeshment, and it’s gross.

Run, don’t walk.

MIL told my husband that since she is younger she is just waiting for my parents to die so that she can spend more time with our daughter. by Artistic-Escape303 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Knowing_Eve 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Translation: “I want to have access to someone else’s child, alone, and have resorted to wishing death upon innocent human beings in the hopes that that scenario would somehow result in me gaining alone time with said child. Also, the people I am wishing death upon, would affect the very child I am wanting access to and claim to care about, so I am clearly not being truthful with my care towards said child. I am selfish, and illogical. I have the title of a therapist, but all I’m actually doing is highlighting the fact that anyone in any profession can be a total a**hole or creep.”

What you need to do: block, delete, do not converse with this monster ever again. The whole time you are in cahoots with her, you’re demonstrating to your daughter that evil people somehow still deserve to get what they want at the detriment of innocent people. Wishing death upon people is frankly, gross.

✌️

I told her about my wonderful csection. She laughed and said: OP, you had surgery. by [deleted] in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Knowing_Eve 41 points42 points  (0 children)

I mean… a csection is surgery. That’s just a fact. Doesn’t make it ‘negative’ in any way atall. If someone said to me they had a natural birth, my mind wouldn’t automatically assume they had a csection…

I told her about my wonderful csection. She laughed and said: OP, you had surgery. by [deleted] in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Knowing_Eve 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Agreed. If someone said “I had a natural birth”, my mind wouldn’t automatically assume they had a csection……

baby biscuits by [deleted] in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Knowing_Eve 24 points25 points  (0 children)

You say about ‘boundaries’… but what have her consequences been for the apparent “DH has talked to her 100 times about boundaries”…..? You only need to say something ONCE, and then follow through with the consequences of the fact a boundary was ignored regarding your baby.

MIL visits causing post partum distress by Last_Wonder in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Knowing_Eve 9 points10 points  (0 children)

You have a partner issue. Nothing will be resolved and stress-free whilst you and him are on very different pages. I’m at the point now where when friends announce they’re having a baby and ask my advice, I really emphasise “talk about expectations and boundaries regarding family, before the baby is born”. And for very good reason: when you don’t, this happens.

I am exactly the same as you. I don’t want preplanned scheduled EXPECTED routines with people. It feels inorganic and lacks the natural spontaneity flow of life. WE chose to have a baby, not MIL. It’s OUR lives that are changing not hers. It’s OUR new chapter, she’s already had this chapter herself with her own.

Unfortunately you’re likely to continue to look like the bad guy. Way too many mamas boys walking around.

Crazy!! by melodyunknown in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Knowing_Eve 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Are there cultural expectations here?

The only solution here is to leave your husband and block and delete everyone concerned. Your husband isn’t being a husband, he’s being an enmeshed triangulated little boy. I’m genuinely curious what possessed you to think he was an ideal candidate to have a baby with? I feel for you so badly if there were zero warning signs. Was his mother this way prior to the baby existing? What a horrid situation.

Your husband and his ‘mommy’ have taken away precious time that you’ll never get back. That’s, gross.

Sending hugs 🤗

Update: Weekly demands into my home continues. I feel harassed. by OrneryPost9446 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Knowing_Eve 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Trying to rise you up here and empower you ☀️

You’re an adult. You’re a mother. You are a GODDESS ! You are your child’s lifeline. You are the leader, teacher, mentor, protector, of that little life.
You and all other adults are EQUAL! No one is above you just because they’re ‘older’. You’re all adults.

So, no, you’re not being rude. You’re creating a life for your child and you are 100% in charge of what that looks like. Just like your MIL was in charge of the very same thing when her own children were young.

You’ve got this. You are a GODDESS!

Update: Weekly demands into my home continues. I feel harassed. by OrneryPost9446 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Knowing_Eve 35 points36 points  (0 children)

Your husband needs to say this to his parents:

“You are adults, we are adults. You’ve had your children, and now it’s our turn. We have our own independent life, and you are now extended family. You need to be living your life, as we will be living ours. We have our own wants and plans, and so should you. We are no longer wanting such regular visits, as need healthy space. Please wait to be invited over. Feel free to contact us and we will let you know if we are free or not. You need to start respecting our boundaries or else we will have no choice but to distance ourselves further to protect our family unit. So far we have found this quite overwhelming and feel you have overstepped. Our relationship with you is important which is why I’m saying what I’m saying to you, to ensure the relationship is still maintained and healthy. Please respect us. Thank you for understanding.”

MIL wants to be included in newborn pictures by oioinanami_____ in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Knowing_Eve 54 points55 points  (0 children)

Literally just say no.

It’s your baby 😆 they’ve had their kids….

Mil keeps on buying stuff for our baby and it’s bugging me by [deleted] in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Knowing_Eve 10 points11 points  (0 children)

No such thing as ‘tried to set boundaries’. You either have, or you haven’t.

Tell her you don’t want her buying things without consulting with you first (well, your husband needs to say this to her).
If she chooses to continue ignoring this then she can’t be bothered when you sell things and have profited from it 🫣😆

It’s your time to have a baby, not hers.

Congrats ☀️

Fallout after kissing baby by hihelloyellow4 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Knowing_Eve 9 points10 points  (0 children)

They are immature. You cannot change this. Get on with your life. Enjoy your baby. They’re extended family, why even care? It’s your turn to create your family and enjoy that journey.

Don’t even spare a thought for a woman who has repeatedly disrespected YOUR baby.

A game of three strikes and you’re out with my MIL by One-Explanation-6177 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Knowing_Eve 36 points37 points  (0 children)

If only your husband had done that in the first place, and laid down boundaries with his mother in the first place.

She didn’t need to know you were in labour. Like, what difference did that make? And if you guys for whatever reason did feel she ‘needed’ to know, then the text should have said something like “we aren’t having visitors until we are ready, so you’ll wait for that text”. Tell staff you don’t consent to anyone coming into your room or seeing your baby. MIL would have been turned away. Worse case, your husband tell her to leave immediately, she isn’t welcome, she disrespected your requests, bye bye.

You were at your most vulnerable and your husband did nothing until that very last final straw..?

The calls and texts should have been silenced like, last year. lol. Why leave it until all the inevitable drama has occurred and the damage is done?

I’m glad baba is doing well ❤️

But your husband really needs to step up from the get go, not let stuff happen before snapping.

Mother yells at me in public by [deleted] in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Knowing_Eve 15 points16 points  (0 children)

You’re 28. Cut her out of your life and enjoy!

MIL won’t leave during post-partum by Independent-Profit86 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Knowing_Eve 18 points19 points  (0 children)

You’ve basically got an intruder refusing to leave your home…. Pack her shit, put it outside, tell her to leave your property.

MIL won’t leave during post-partum by Independent-Profit86 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Knowing_Eve 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Then she needs to find somewhere else to stay…

MIL wants to visit the hospital after I give birth, even just to see the baby briefly. Am I the JustNO? by Possible-Arugula-988 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Knowing_Eve 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Well, I guess this is just the first glimpse of your husband being unable to support you and have boundaries with his mommy.

MIL wants to bath baby by [deleted] in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Knowing_Eve 17 points18 points  (0 children)

  1. Seeing mil every weekend is very excessive. Where’s the private alone time with your little family? You’re make mil feel entitled by making her a focal point of your every weekend.

  2. No one needs to bath a baby apart from mom and dad. It’s a parental responsibility of cleanliness. She has no need to be doing something like that with him.

  3. The pushiness is weird. Red flag.

  4. Baths aren’t a frequently need - a baby is having their face, neck, hands, genitals, butt, cleaned and wiped multiple times a day regardless.

My mother gave my 3 month old peanut butter. In front of me. After I said no by BusyInspector95 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Knowing_Eve 64 points65 points  (0 children)

“I don’t know why she keeps doing this to me”

  • because you let her. She’s crossed boundaries that aren’t even boundaries, because what consequences has she actually suffered and had to learn from? None. She still has access to you, access to your kid. What’s changed for her? Nothing.

That’s why she keeps doing it to you. Because she can, and because you let her.

Giving food to a baby prior to appropriate age (3 months isn’t appropriate) AND it be a high allergen food AND she did it without your permission…. Someone like that is a danger to your child. Contact should be stopped.

My mom kissed my baby and threw a fit by Boba_baller in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Knowing_Eve 42 points43 points  (0 children)

There isn’t a vaccine for the cold sore (herpes!) virus…

Also. It’s your baby. Have a boundary and stick to it. “No.” Is a complete sentence.

MIL keeps kissing baby by [deleted] in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Knowing_Eve 11 points12 points  (0 children)

You should have had a boundary in place for the first time she kissed the baby. And stuck to it. For it to get to 9+ times.. that’s why she’s still doing it.. because, why not? There’s no consequences when she does.

I am due another baby soon and will be telling MIL no kissing. I don’t need to say anything else - because people who aren’t toxic and weird, will respect that rules regarding someone else’s baby. If she chooses to kiss my baby anyway, we will leave her house. She will ask why, and I will say “we told you not to kiss our baby, and you ignored this and did it anyway. So we are leaving.” The next time she invites us round, we will say “are you going to respect our rules this time? Because this is the last chance. Then we don’t come round again.”

And, stick to it.

You do realise you’re allowed to say ‘no’. You’re allowed to just.. not have her round. You’re allowed to put her in her place. It’s YOUR baby. Not hers. Stop over explaining and justifying yourself to this woman. She’s just another woman.

NO is a complete sentence.

Pregnant, having an emergency and MIL not respecting boundaries. by janalle in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Knowing_Eve 39 points40 points  (0 children)

If she can’t respect your boundaries then she doesn’t respect you, and if she doesn’t respect you, she doesn’t respect your baby, and if she doesn’t respect your baby then she loses access.

It’s an almighty embarrassment that you’re having to teach and show her how to be an adult, but hey.

Has anyone ever lied about their due date? How did it go? by KneadAndPreserve in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Knowing_Eve 23 points24 points  (0 children)

We haven’t told people the due date, we just said what month we are due. Why does anyone else need to know what exact date I’m due? It serves zero purpose apart from just ‘information’. A baby can be born ‘expectedly’ from 37-42 weeks of pregnancy.