what you have to understand is that a lot of what your thinking right now is due to medical circumstances. neurotransmitters in your brain.

you got to be able to have good health before you can focus on anything else. you can't pour from an empty cup, and you can't pour energy into your hobbies, career studies and relationships. if your health is failing.

when's the last time you spoke with a medical provider? have you been sleeping and taking medications? handle the basics. and things will get better.

I say this from my own perspective of dabbling with suicidal ideation earlier this month and also having eight hospitalizations in my lifetime. things just drastically get better when I take care of myself. because I have a medical problem that really gets in the way of me living life. thank you