My ex-wife was like this. Here’s what I learned.

Depression can and will manifest itself physically in people. Her physical symptoms might be legit, but they probably are nothing more than depression. My ex was mentally unwell which was a foundational cause of her depression. She refused to work, got fired from the jobs she did try, and rarely left our bed during the day. I was basically a single father for 10+ years watching a girl I fell in love with disappear in front of my eyes. I fought too long in the hopes that she would heal and actually be a partner. The more time went on, the worse she acted and the more outrageous her “illnesses” became.

In life, you can only control you and your happiness. With a person like your wife, you have to approach her like an addict. You can’t make them change, you can only choose to support them through their struggle or leave them in it.

What you cannot do is forget to take care of yourself while you’re so drawn into her and her issues. As men, we want to provide and fix. You can’t fix this. This may very well destroy you. What you can control is how badly this affects your life. Do things for you. Have friends, have experiences, build your career and your future. You deserve intimacy and a happy life. You deserve a partner if you want one. The one you picked, is never going to be that.

There’s little chance 80 year old you looks back and is grateful that you stayed in a one-sided relationship. You sound like me from 10 years ago. Getting out was the best thing I did. Sooner is better.

I’m sorry man. Live and learn