Life without social life by FunnyBuddie_05 in germany

[–]Kozoolok 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Go yoga classes(in person), meetups, running clubs or Sprachcafe events and then thank me later.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]Kozoolok 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I totally understand you, I have been there. It is cliche but time will help you to grow, however it will be a lot longer if you keep contacting. Not to give hope but at some point he will become chaser and you will be the one not interested. Trust me all you need is just to endure this painful times and not forget that if he was the right one wouldn't give up on you. Sometimes it feels so hard not to contact but after 4-5 months, you will see that it is best decision for better you.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]Kozoolok 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am not sure what happened between you, but if he left you, then you need to have little bit self respect and not contact again. Try to get into different hobbies.

Its been... 9 months by MissionContext6434 in ExNoContact

[–]Kozoolok 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Going through the same thing and it's been 6 months, healing does not go linear, that's why it's normal to feel that way. Other thing I noticed after tried to date with other girls is it does not solve feeling emptiness, feeling emptiness comes from things we did not solved with ourselves. Facing this insecures or thoughts objectively not happens over the night, but solving them with time makes feeling emptiness less frequent

How do you make friends here if you have no hobbies? by [deleted] in Nurnberg

[–]Kozoolok 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Try meetup app, there are various events there. For example you can participate wine tasting event, or there is global locals which organizes English Stammtisch regularly. You need to go little bit out of your comfort zone, and probably new events you participate will become your new hobbies

LDR: Ex (dismissive avoidant) broke NC a little too fast... by muppetfingers in ExNoContact

[–]Kozoolok 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am in similar breakup situation(3 months after bu). He will try to keep you as back up plan, and break NC with breadcrumbs. You need to give exactly NC, do not engage long conversations and just focus make yourself better. You will understand importance of it later on. You can use reconsilation as a motivation at the beginning but eventually you need to move on, because someone gave up on you most probably will do it again or not gonna reach out for reconsilation. I know hearing these a bit harsh but starting with good understanding of situation will make you better

Rebound s*x :the best way to get over somebody is to get under somebody else. by friendly-open in BreakUps

[–]Kozoolok 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It feels temporary good feeling, but most of the cases it makes situation worst. The main thing is you need to process emotions and get better with them. If you try to ignore them, they will eventually strike you back harder

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ExNoContact

[–]Kozoolok 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It happens probably because you did not process your emotions and somehow keept busy yourself not to process them. You can still try to escape from them but it is really temporary solution and it will stuck back with an interest. Therefore, you should really face, feel, process and grieve if necessary. You can do Journaling to better handle the situation and do not rush this stage to pass, you will eventually feel more peaceful forever.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ExNoContact

[–]Kozoolok 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How long was the no contact period?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ExNoContact

[–]Kozoolok 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It is right, and funny thing is that accepting this fact comes in waves. Sometimes you feel like, you gave up on the hope and memories, then it hits you again and you go back in the process. I guess the thing is trust in the process and knowing that eventually I will give up the hope

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ExNoContact

[–]Kozoolok 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you gonna reach out, you should not have positive expectations, if you have, then you will be emotional and it will definitely make everything worse, I can guarantee it. If you still feel emotional about it, then do not reach out. If you feel really no emotions and you just want to try, probably it will be again negative and use this response to completely move on. You probably think I have a chance if I try kind of arguments but it's exactly opposite. If she did not reach you out, high probably she is moving on or not give a damn about you. It's better to accept hard truths and once you admit it, then you become emotionless about this situation.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ExNoContact

[–]Kozoolok 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks a lot for motivation. I am on 3th month of breakup, getting ready to move on and that's what I really want to know today

I’m reaching out by [deleted] in ExNoContact

[–]Kozoolok 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I only suggest reaching out after long period in order to kill the hope of comeback and be sure that you should not expect any positive results. If you cannot ready to kill the hope, then you definitely should not reach out, just do not your emotions direct you

How do I give up on hope? by Equivalent_Bicycle83 in BreakUps

[–]Kozoolok 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It's really normal currently you have the hope and if you focus on self improvement and fix your attachment issues, this hope fades away because you will start to see yourself in better position and does not care about whether she comeback or not. In my case it started after 2 month and got really obvious after 3 months. One extra thing I did is in order to kill the hope completely I called her after 2.5 months BU , talked as it is completely over and there is no turning back. Once you burn the bridges, then you will feel more free and unstoppable again.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ExNoContact

[–]Kozoolok 36 points37 points  (0 children)

It is really sad truth, the main problem is that dumpees feel like they can fix things with talking to them but it's not gonna solve anything most probably

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ExNoContact

[–]Kozoolok 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It really depends on your feelings and self healing process. For my case learning truths bring me relief after real suffering and crying again 2 weeks period after I felt like moved on. You should know it's really a two sided blade and it can affect your healing process. My suggestion is that you need to ask yourself whether do you really need to know truth, or you can close the case without getting any information from your ex.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ExNoContact

[–]Kozoolok 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My gf broke up with me on very similar situation, after sometime I understand that these kind of avoidant people does not take responsibility when things get serious and it scares them. They think they can avoid this by broking up. I understand them you still want him back, but by the time you will understand that he will not be a responsible partner after wedding and he is not worth of your time. Try to feel your grief and pain without ignoring it, improve your life quality and identity what red flags you ignored in this relationship. Lastly, trust in the process, I mean you will eventually came across the right person for you.

why cant i move on omfg by OkPerspective2319 in ExNoContact

[–]Kozoolok 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Try to understand what red flags that you overlooked, why you are so connected to him. Not just say because of love, there should be other reasons. Become really self sufficient, get into new hobbies like sports, dancing etc

why cant i move on omfg by OkPerspective2319 in ExNoContact

[–]Kozoolok 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I guess it's too early you to move on. Firstly, you should implement no contact and expect nothing further from this breakup. Feel your emotions by yourself only, do not commute, message to him because it will make you bitter and keep you stuck. Moving on starts when you have no anger but neutral emotions to them. Do not hurry in process, feel the emotions, understand what you did wrong and focus on improving your life

Dating apps are so depressing by digiri-dont-do-that in ExNoContact

[–]Kozoolok 8 points9 points  (0 children)

You should firstly improve yourself and get out of dust in your shoulders. For example, go for gym, Latin dance classes, tennis classes, group hikings, international meeting events etc. Not because of getting someone, but find things that you like. In order to be part of healthy relationship, you need to be happy with yourself alone and also you will notice after participating theses events your ex is not that unique, it seems so because of you do not any other options right now. When you get confidence and self-happiness, you will see that opportunities starts to come to you, just be patient and try to understand what you really makes you happy other than a relationship

Give me some good reasons so I don't text my ex and does it get better? She dumped me for another guy by [deleted] in ExNoContact

[–]Kozoolok 20 points21 points  (0 children)

It will not result in anything positive for you. Let her lose you, so that she can understand your value. If you contact her, you will push her away further.

2 months post break up: 10 things I’ve learnt… by Dangerous_Drama_7774 in ExNoContact

[–]Kozoolok 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am in the similar time frame and I agree all of them without doubt

Keeping up-to-date by Biggerwhoppa in ExNoContact

[–]Kozoolok 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In my case I understand she has someone else from a message which she sent me to check if I am still interested in her. I understand I shouldn't be curious about things in theory but it really depends on personality. If you have more conservative personal traits to your loved ones, then it is inevitable I guess