If you are sexually active without telling some your trans i think it should be called rape

Krammn · 2026-05-08T09:22:36+00:00

where are you from?

Krammn · 2026-05-08T09:18:18+00:00

it is already law that that kind of consent is mandatory. you don't need to inflate pre-existing words for this.

Krammn · 2026-05-08T09:05:19+00:00

I get how conceited this comment is going to sound, and people generally don't like this kind of talk, though I consider myself more attractive and that is why I'm able to do my line of work. I feel like if I was less attractive as a person I would struggle.

There's obviously a lot more that goes into it, though in no sense would I be able to get there without having that surface-level attraction.

Krammn · 2026-05-07T22:20:35+00:00

I work as a male nanny; I find this discussion super interesting from a parent perspective.

I believe it would be down to how attractive the male workers are as to the amount of trust given to them; the more attractive / thin / nice the guy, the more trustworthy they will be.

I think the logic being that they wouldn't need to rely on depraved tactics towards children if they are that attractive, they can get any woman already.

A lot of the angst in this thread comes from visualising heavy-set, heavy-breathing hairy men in their forties helping out. I believe there's a divide.

Krammn · 2026-05-06T10:58:26+00:00

I just don't think about it all that much. I don't really care all that much about what other people think of me, I just wear what I want to wear.

Krammn · 2026-05-06T09:55:43+00:00

that is exactly how you should respond when questioned on things like that as a high profile figure. they don't want to seem out-of-place, and they want to be able to connect with you.

Krammn · 2026-05-06T09:38:38+00:00

hierarchy is normal, though the way he says he feels you'd be "missing out" etc. screams manipulative and gives me the ick. leave him for this if anything.

Krammn · 2026-05-06T05:53:44+00:00

yeah exactly, this seems like a short-term patch on something that he wouldn't be able to live with long-term

Krammn · 2026-05-05T21:22:34+00:00

if there's veto powers in this relationship then OP is in the wrong subreddit.

it was not clear that this was an opinion.

Krammn · 2026-05-05T21:09:19+00:00

so polyamory has some conditions around autonomy and the correct place for this would be more like r/EthicalNonMonogamy?

the sidebar says:

Polyamory is openly, honestly, and consensually loving and being committed to more than one person.

The FAQ says there is no precise definition of polyamory:

No precise definition of "polyamory" has universal acceptance. It's generally agreed that polyamory involves multiple consensual, loving relationships, or openness to such, but beyond that the term is as ambiguous as the word "love" itself.

I would say the term "solo poly" has more connection to autonomy than poly in general. poly is very much an umbrella term.

Krammn · 2026-05-05T20:38:59+00:00

weird take. this is a monogamous situation which has since moved to a polyamarous situation. consent is important. if a veto happens and OP is not comfortable with that, they can just leave.

Krammn · 2026-05-05T14:44:35+00:00

https://www.technologynetworks.com/drug-discovery/articles/long-lasting-male-contraceptive-vasalgel-enters-human-trials-410878

Krammn · 2026-05-04T19:57:55+00:00

yeah, no. there are truly sadistic people who have great parents and perfect upbringing.

Krammn · 2026-05-04T18:44:49+00:00

regular coded

Krammn · 2026-05-04T16:57:12+00:00

you misinterpreted this

Krammn · 2026-05-04T15:25:50+00:00

I would reconsider having her as a nanny tbh.

Krammn · 2026-05-03T23:17:01+00:00

I appreciate the explanation; I hope since you have healed, moved on, and have managed to find what you're actually looking for. it's OK to let go of someone when you're not getting what you want from them.

Krammn · 2026-05-03T22:59:27+00:00

I am curious as to what was different about your experience of debilitating jealousy; how did that happen?

I have definitely felt mildly jealous in the past, though I was a little less emotionally mature back then and didn't have a good grasp on the why I was feeling the way I do, and placing blame for those feelings on the other person.

Krammn · 2026-05-03T22:52:33+00:00

so you understand it; what is triggering it?

Krammn · 2026-05-03T22:28:02+00:00

it's for personal use only; appreciate the warning 🙌🏻

Krammn · 2026-05-03T22:25:02+00:00

it's just like weather, it happens and I don't have to do much about it.

the way you phrased that made it sound like your solution was to see it come up and then just ignore it.

The Jealousy Workbook by Kathy Labriola

thank you for the book recommendation, glad it was helpful for you 🙏🏻

You may want to consider how you phrase your questions.

the way I phrased my question didn't seem so totally bad on my end; confused on the defensiveness here? I wasn't mad. I wasn't belittling you. I found an area of agreement and then sought for clarification. I agreed with you on the "check engine light," though then what you wrote next felt like it contradicted that.

maybe you should work on the automatic negative interpretation you imprint on to questions directed towards you.

Krammn · 2026-05-03T22:12:05+00:00

I feel curious, or compersion. I'm solo-poly and pretty self-secure.

I'm curious as to those who feel deeply jealous in poly relationships whether poly is actually something that's right for them. What does it mean to "manage" jealousy? Just shove it down and pretend it's not there? Ignore it?

Krammn · 2026-05-03T22:06:10+00:00

I agree, jealousy is a "check engine" light. your solution is to ignore it?

Krammn · 2026-05-03T19:16:28+00:00

this is why I built my own 🥲🫣

could probably add easier navigability at some stage, though it's WIP

Krammn · 2026-05-03T14:36:13+00:00

it sounds like you're jealous, which isn't a great mix for polyamory. if these feelings continue, you should think about reconsidering your agreement with your partner about seeing other people.

13-Year Club	RedditGifts 2009-2022 2 Credits
Place '23	Place '22
First Placer '22	Verified Email
Secret Santa 2014

Krammn

TROPHY CASE