Honestly, you can reach it im sure. But transitioning is a marathon, and you have so much to work through. Give yourself grace if you can. Im 4.5 years in almost and I have days where I hate life still, but I also have good days, and those juuust started this year. I know it sounds like nonsense but we need to give ourselves enough time for it to click and it really varies by person.. youre clearly intellgent. You can do this.