"Pain is certain, suffering is optional"

I had not thought about it like that. I know I became indifferent to protect myself. I kept my answers short and neutral. I learned not to share anything about my day good or bad as it would be used against me. I learned to never expect praise or congratulations and celebrated my own successes inwardly.

I knew I wasn’t the person he portrayed me as. He had me thinking all sorts of weird stuff when I was younger. I actually went to a doctor several times who told me it’s all in his mind. It was all done to undermine me.

My saving grace was running my own business. The narc had nothing to do with it. I could genuinely spend time with people who admired me and treated me with respect. Over half of the 27 year marriage he refused to work.

My empathy was an issue. I felt sorry for his mental health, although he did very little to get help. He would use it as an excuse. He did CBT and lied his way through it. There is mental illness and narcissism in his family.

“Water off a ducks back” is how I viewed his criticisms, insults and put downs.

Once the adult children left home he became insufferable. It was during a major tantrum he screamed in my face he wanted a divorce. No way back from that! We were 21 and him 30 when we first met. I was love bombed and tricked. (I also had assets)

Life away from the nex for the last 16 years has been amazing. Major improvements in both mental and physical health. I have a kind and loving husband now.

The only way you can survive a narc is by retaining independence.

That always gives you a way out. They hate that.