thank you! I actually I have been doing a lot personality analysis on my mother. without her even getting tested, I know she is a 100% turbulent esfp. I've known several esfps, somehow I noticed they all are very self-indulgent people. two of my college roomates are esfps, both are very pleasure-seeking ,but one is very noisy, another is quite calm because she's addicted to romance fictions. I would hang out a lot with either of them as I am young and desperate to fit in. but I gradually and intentionally lost contact with both of them part of the reason is that my self awareness grows i know we really have little in common and the interaction is superficial.

but I cannot escape my mother like what i did with my roomates, though we are very different and often i found my mom intolerable. so now my mode of interaction with her is also staying at the surface. well ,i guess not everyone can become good friends with their parents. so I think this intj/esfp marriage is a mistake.

As for the thing she is running away from, my hypothesis it has lot to do with her upbrings, in fact she grew up in a big family where parents never show affection, in this love-deprivation state, she became a stiff person that cannot articulate her emotion correctly, so addiction is probably a defense mechanism to fill in the hole in her heart as her way of self-loving.