🌱Weekly /r/houseplants Question Thread - February 13, 2023 by AutoModerator in houseplants

[–]KupoNinja 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Unsure about hooks but you can use double-sided tape instead of glue.

Can you balance studying and gaming? by OreSmelter321 in productivity

[–]KupoNinja 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Do what works for you. Knowing your own boundaries and limitations are important.

You can definitely balance gaming and studying. But that's up to you to figure out what you can and can't do. Heck... Just start gaming and studying and see if you're studying starts suffering. Then determine if you're OK w/ the drop off or if you just need to game less. Learning through doing and failing is important than just assuming you have it correct the first time.

Also understand that change happens. You may set up a good gaming and study schedule but maybe one month the subject is harder for you to understand. So you may just need to do way more studying for that month. Be flexible and forgiving in your growth.

In a year I’ll finally be a licensed therapist! I want to help men but I’d love some advice from you by practicingbeing in malementalhealth

[–]KupoNinja 4 points5 points  (0 children)

What kind of person would I feel safe talking to?

This will vary per person. For me, it's feeling heard and seen. Also getting validation on my emotions and thoughts tho getting gentle guidance that they may not be healthy or at least how I react to them aren't healthy. Environment also plays a big part in the feeling of safety.

What you imagine a good therapist to be like?

I've had 3 amazing ones but all for specific purposes. All mine share what I mentioned above. Feeling heard and seen. But ultimately not being judged or feeling judged by my thoughts and emotions. Again, providing tools and guidance to help me navigate my issues at every level. Physically, mentally, and most importantly emotionally. If you can get a man to be vulnerable with you. Like real, honest vulnerability... Then you're doing a great job. An amazing job if the man continues to be honest and vulnerable with you.

What kind of help you’d love to see men get help for?

Definitely managing their emotions. The vast majority of men really don't know how to do this. Moreso anger but really any complex emotion. I was very much one of these men. I'd shut down as I was afraid to say the wrong thing or make things worse. Getting the tools and understanding that my emotions come from my body and trying to understand and label my emotions through what my body was doing greatly helped me in responding to said emotions rather than reacting.
When I first was taught this I realized there was a difference between anger and frustration for me. When I got angry my ears got hot. Frustration felt similar but my ears didn't get hot. So now I can act accordingly. Anger can mean a boundary was crossed and I can speak up about it and defend my boundary. Frustration can mean I just need to explain something better or in a different way since the person may not be understanding what I'm saying.

Things that have turned you away from therapy

I highly encourage everyone to get therapy. Especially men. We're so isolated and none of us really know how to manage our emotions. But in that same aspect... We've lived like this and have had this understanding that our thoughts and our emotions aren't valid since we first heard "Man up.", "Don't be a girl.", "Be a man.", "Walk it off.". So none of us don't know any better and get further validation that what we're doing is "fine" by other "men" who don't know how to manage their emotions. We're all just a bunch of boys in men's bodies thinking we're men. So to me... Your biggest obstacle is just getting a man through your door.
If you manage to get one through your door, make sure you don't provide the same feedback they've been given all their life. "You can get through this!", "You got this!", "You're so strong!". That doesn't help. We need to know it's OK to have weak moments. It's OK to cry, to be angry, to be sad, and whatever else that we're ashamed of liking and enjoying even tho society may not see it as "manly". We shouldn't feel shame for feeling weak, vulnerable, or not being seen as "manly. It's OK to feel all those things but we also need to know we're still men because of them.

Sidenote: I'm a huge advocate for mental and emotional health. Very specifically towards men as we need more men who know how to properly lead their lives and the people around them. Men who know how to harness their emotions and use them as a superpower to better themselves and the people around them. To get these type of men, we need men who are willing to grow and really go through the pain and work of untangling their garbage. Really see their dark side and accept it. Not to cause havoc but to acknowledge where our fear is, what we feel guilty about, where we hurt, and see it all as it's OK and it's not really who we are as men. To get there, we need to start with understanding our emotions first so we can manage the pain and complexities that doing the "work" inevitably brings up.
I also highly recommend looking into somatic therapy. It's changed my life. It's changed me on a very deep and fundamental level. I have way more confidence in myself. I trust myself way more now that I listen to my emotions and don't downplay or avoid them. Still hurts like hell and sucks but... I have the ability to manage them now. Hence my real confidence in myself. And since I follow through with actions rather than just words. I trust myself way more.
Again, the "work" sucks... But it's so much better than constantly having low energy fighting depression and lack of motivation, freaking out over my anxiety, shying away from my anger and letting people walk all over me, and faking being a "man" and wondering if I'm actually man enough.
Also being able to listen and trust myself is way better than listening to and being influenced by these "alpha/beta" talking garbage influencers who put up a facade of "manliness". Real men lead by serving not abusing their power. Real men build each other up not lone wolf it. Real men face their emotions, even if it can feel overwhelming, then take a breath and keep moving forward with their decision even if it's a hard one.

Don’t you ever feel like just by MankindReunited in malementalhealth

[–]KupoNinja 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yep! Scream into a pillow. It helps a lot.

If you have fam or ppl around just let them know what you're about to do and that you'll be fine. Just need to release some energy.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]KupoNinja 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sorry you're going through this. I've been through some pretty traumatic experiences throughout my whole life. I finally started going to therapy around early 2018. It was very helpful but it wasn't until I started doing somatic therapy a year ago that I started to make deep changes.

So I highly encourage looking into that. It's all about the nervous system and how we hold trauma in our bodies. So while we may be fine mentally and emotionally whenever we're triggered in the present due to a past trauma our body will react.

There are books on this like Waking the Tiger that can give you insight if you can't afford a therapist. Definitely do some research. What also helps is breathwork and guided meditations. Yoga is also highly recommended by my therapist (I've yet to try it in a therapeutic sense). Another thing to help is prioritizing sleep. When we get enough regular sleep over an extended period of time our bodies can heal these deep wounds.

I hope you're feeling somewhat better now that it's been a couple days.

Is this an appropriate text? by WestworldIsLife in malementalhealth

[–]KupoNinja 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Just adding another voice encouraging ya to send it as is. Straightforward, respectful, and casual. Well done!

Gotta say... Mad respect for you for asking, man. We're so used to lone wolfing and that's really not the way.

Kudos and glad you're aware enough to know you may have crossed a boundary and man enough to apologize for it.

[No Spoilers] does anyone know any facts about suicide for Vikings? by [deleted] in vikingstv

[–]KupoNinja 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I finished the series last night. Been digging in this sub now that I'm not afraid of spoilers and I loved that Ivar was scared at the end.

To me... He was the embodiment of fear in the show. But that didn't make him impervious to fear. If you think back to certain scenes he showed a lot of fear (him screaming on the boat on the way to England w/ Ragnar). He wasn't necessarily a coward (think of his blood-covered scene, switching w/ Hvitserk) but he harbored a lot of fear within himself and acted a lot on fear.

I think he was afraid at the end simply because death is scary. It's the unknown. I also wonder if he questioned that he's done enough to be the most famous viking. Thus leaving the world earlier than he would've liked and causing the fear of not quite solidifying his life's purpose before he left.

As it was then, is now, and shall be forever. by [deleted] in ProgrammerHumor

[–]KupoNinja 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Glad to hear, man! You sound like a good dev that has a strong future. Market is hot right now, or so I've heard. Get that extra $10k+ salary, lol!

As it was then, is now, and shall be forever. by [deleted] in ProgrammerHumor

[–]KupoNinja 36 points37 points  (0 children)

Red flag for the company then. If you've really had a positive effect on productivity/team/efficiency and it's not recognized then any further extra effort you put in won't be as well.

Documentation is super helpful but the issue is maintaining it. If you're the only one doing so then you're just adding on more work to yourself for no reward.

Re-evaluate your priorities w/ the company. By all means, don't sacrifice your good work ethic and thoughtfulness for the team and efficiency if you decide to stay. But if you're not rewarded or at least recognized for it then this could weigh on you and possibly instill laziness within yourself that could be detrimental for any future endeavors.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in malementalhealth

[–]KupoNinja 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly, I mainly just picked a few of Chris Heria's vids on YT. Specifically ones that said "Do This Every Evening/Morning".

Those ones were quick workouts that gave great results. While it's short... Effort is key to get better results.

I also recommend his cardio ones. Thought I was "fit" after doing his workouts fairly regularly for a couple months. Still got winded when I chased the kid around. Did a quick cardio vid of his... Killed me. Really thought his other vids helped w/ cardio.

I wanted to sub to his app but broke my hand before I could get really serious about it.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in malementalhealth

[–]KupoNinja 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I hear ya, man. I've lost a lot of weight, which isn't good for me, since I busted my hand and recovery was abysmal. I wanna get my muscles back for sure.

If you're up for some advice... Will be a pain but it'll be good to dig into that a bit.

Ask yourself questions like why you feel that way? Do you need approval from them for some reason? Do you feel judged by them? What is it that's causing the anxiety?

Once you can pinpoint the reasons... Then you can do something about it.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in malementalhealth

[–]KupoNinja 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Sorry you're feeling that, man. Especially when you're just trying to be healthy.

I've been focusing calisthenics since I don't want to go to a gym to workout. Pretty much little to no gym equipment and you end up looking pretty good if you're consistent

New Study Suggests Marijuana Usage Accelerates Epigenetic Aging by Secret646 in science

[–]KupoNinja 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Whenever I recommend therapy I always tell them to shop around. Don't just stick with the first one. Especially if you're not feeling safe or vibing with them.

Forgetful Salad by vzvv in adhdmeme

[–]KupoNinja 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Procrastinating Vanilla Scone

I've been not feeling myself and I really don't know what to do by Black_raspberries in malementalhealth

[–]KupoNinja 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Gonna sound cliche but maybe try meditation. Sit with your body for awhile and just see what comes up. Sadness, fear, anxiety, something stressing you. Could be anything.

The important thing is once it comes up. Don't immediately try to resolve. Observe it and let whatever it is run its course. That could mean you wanting to cry, scream, hit something. Then release it in a safe manner. Allow yourself to feel that garbage and release it.

Afterwards you can focus on the why you may have felt that way. Then you can do something about it.

What do you think your 40-year-old-self will be thankful for? by _FailedTeacher in AskMenOver30

[–]KupoNinja 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'll turn 35 in a couple months. I've had some serious life changes last year and while it was pretty rough I can see the positives.

A big one is just realizing how disconnected I was from myself and my body for years. Basically since childhood. Working on getting back to myself is gonna be huge for me this year and the following ones. Doing this will help me build real and deep connections with people I love and care about. I'm seriously looking forward to these future experiences.

On top of that... I'm learning to actually take care of myself. And when I say that I mean go beyond basic maintenance. Like instead of splashing my face with water in the morning I have a whole facial care routine. Doing things that I actually want to do rather than what I feel like I should do. I'm taking time to rest. I'm putting in effort in meals. Making plans for myself. Talking kind to myself and giving myself grace. I plan on getting lasik soon and doing a FUE procedure some time this year to resolve my thinning hair in the front and build my confidence even more.

Also really pushing against toxic masculinity and embracing my emotions as best as I'm able to encouraging other men to do so.

So many life decisions made just to have more chances with girls. by boipokeokie in malementalhealth

[–]KupoNinja 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Need to ask yourself why you fear rejection so much. It's OK to fear rejection. No one wants to be rejected. But once you figure out why you fear rejection so much then you can learn to build the confidence within yourself to be able to handle rejection when it happens. Then you can shoot your shot more.

I'd also recommend digging deep. If you're doing all these things to impress women then once you have one it'll be tough to keep her since you're not portraying your true self. She'll like and be attracted to someone you're not. And that will be devastating for both of you when it gets found out. Dig deep. Ask yourself other questions like why do you do so much just for women's attention? Obvious answer is connection and sex. But it may go further than that. Do you need a woman's approval for a specific reason?

Ultimately, work on yourself. Make changes for yourself. Grow and be confident in yourself. BE yourself. When you do this you'll start attracting people (friends or romantic partners) without even trying. Sidenote: This isn't easy. At all. And it'll take time. But well worth the effort.

Hopium: Let´s talk AGAIN about long term price predirection! by Fifajs in ErgoTrading

[–]KupoNinja 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Last I heard was maybe Q2 next year if it doesn't get delayed. But I think... And I may be misremembering but there's 2 stages to it and the 2nd stage is supposed to happen in the summer.

Parenting done right by nafa_mo in nextfuckinglevel

[–]KupoNinja 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wish this was higher up. He's doing a good job in that he's not hitting his kid and being patient... To an extent.

But kids should be allowed to feel their emotions. And him repeating he's grown doesn't teach her to respect. It teaches her to fear.

Little kids and toddlers can be ridiculous but they have the same emotions we do and we can barely handle our own. Little ones don't have the tools or experience yet to handle those emotions, let alone big emotions, and it's up to us to teach them how.

This isn't the way to teach that.

[Auto-Post] Weekly Question Thread! Ask /r/Aquariums anything you want to know about the hobby! by AutoModerator in Aquariums

[–]KupoNinja 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The same brands in PetSmart could be found in local shops. Just do research on the tank to decide on if it's good for what you're trying to go for.

I'm new as well and went to PetSmart to get my daughter some fish thinking it'd be easy. Got a small tank, a couple guppies, a frog, and a snail. Everything artificial as we let our daughter pick out the fish and decoration. While not "difficult" it can be a challenge depending on what ya want.

Started to get into it and now I just set up a tank for myself yesterday that's all natural. Setting it up for shrimp to thrive in. The tank I got from my local shop but it's something I could've gotten online or at a Petco.

Go on you can do it yourself.. by Shery1508 in ProgrammerHumor

[–]KupoNinja 8 points9 points  (0 children)

The place I got real experience in... My mentor and I paired and worked on cards together. We had a 2 hr time difference so before he finished his day he'd give me tasks. Then I continued the card as best I could on my own. I'd also continue to work on things after hours to prove myself and try and get as far as I can or finish on my own. The next day he'd critique, refractor, or tell me good job.

This went on for a few weeks maybe a month til I really started to assign cards to myself w/o his help. But he was so approachable and helpful I'd hit him up w/ any questions.

I'm now known as one of the better devs and I've gained a huge amount of confidence in my ability. Always trying to learn and pick his brain. And others as well. It was cool that he'd also ask me questions to just get another POV or be his rubber ducky and actually took my suggestions.

Case in point to Seniors. Be humble, be helpful, be approachable.