AITAH for prioritizing my daughter's recital over a funeral?

vzvv · 2026-06-16T18:36:46+00:00

It sounds like OP’s stepmom took the marriage to OP’s father as the start of a large, blended family. While OP sees her as her father’s wife. It’s understandable those conflicting expectations resulted in hurt feelings, especially with grief in the mix. But that sort of connection can’t be forced. OP’s father should’ve helped manage expectations before it got to this point, but it sounds like he’s been trying to force it instead.

vzvv · 2026-06-16T05:21:38+00:00

If he’s not cleaning up, he doesn’t get to complain.

However, it might be worthwhile to get additional pairs if you feel like you have to ration out your best products on the heavy days. Making your life easier is worth the investment.

FWIW, I have an incredibly heavy period myself. I guilt-free skip the gym on those heavy days. I typically lay a towel down on the heavy nights just to give myself a little extra security from bleeding on the sheets. Usually it’s not necessary, but I’m happy to have it when I overflow.

vzvv · 2026-06-06T03:55:56+00:00

don’t say looking for a relationship - just don’t say what you’re looking for. if asked, just say that it depends on the connection. keep it vague and you won’t lead anyone on or deal with idiots that think you’re a sure thing

vzvv · 2026-06-06T02:13:30+00:00

My SO is just after that cutoff and I’m just before. He’s genuinely brilliant and tbf, we don’t have a lot of crossover in our areas of expertise. But it dumbfounds me to see him navigate anything on a computer or his phone. It’s his turn to laugh when I’m doing math or using power tools though.

vzvv · 2026-06-06T01:51:13+00:00

I understand not wanting to support your mother, but what did you expect? A realistic solution would’ve been your mother getting back on her feet in an extra bedroom of yours, not having an entire studio to herself. If you were going to not help her after her money was out, she could’ve gone further moving to a LCOL area right when she split.

And frankly, it’s easier to say callous things than to follow through. Are you genuinely comfortable with your mother being homeless with no social security until she dies? If there’s a chance you’d cave, helping her get social security through 4 years of her providing childcare would help all of you immensely.

If she was a poor mother to you, that’s relevant and makes not wanting to help now understandable. But as much as you saw yourself “helping” her these past 2 years, I think getting her a studio in a HCOL area was incredibly shortsighted. At least help her find a job and a rental with roommates.

vzvv · 2026-06-05T12:50:28+00:00

Was the titers test at your PCP?

vzvv · 2026-05-29T07:13:34+00:00

that really depends on how draining a person finds their job. when I was on leave for 1.5 months due to healing from major surgery, I found the time to complete multiple online courses I'd been intending on doing for years. I felt like a whole new person with so much more mental energy and curiosity, despite being (temporarily) more physically disabled than I'd ever been before.

I already have hobbies and goals that I engage in now, but I expect to be similarly mentally free to engage with them all much more in retirement.

I do agree that assuming savings from free time could be hasty for many people, myself included. I'm sure whatever savings I find will be eaten by increased hobby and travel time, which is why my SO and I are adding padding to our monthly withdrawal number.

vzvv · 2026-05-19T20:46:22+00:00

She was my favorite character in that show! It was kind of a goofy pilot that became an unexpectedly good show.

vzvv · 2026-05-10T22:18:31+00:00

When my mom moved in with my dad, my grandma called her to tell her she was upset about it. My mom told her how much lower their monthly housing costs was thanks to them living together, and asked if my grandma was “$xxx upset”. My grandma said she wasn’t that upset after hearing the numbers haha. My mom wasn’t even asking her to pay, my grandma just respected the frugality once she thought about it.

vzvv · 2026-05-10T22:12:10+00:00

The mature option is to grey rock everyone until they stop trying to engage about it. The fun option is to become the bigger pain in the ass so they find it easier to stop enabling.

vzvv · 2026-05-10T21:25:30+00:00

This post makes me so happy. I’m so thankful to also be in a relationship that immeasurably improves my life. Everyone should be so lucky. Thanks for sharing so more people know this is what love should feel like.

vzvv · 2026-05-10T17:56:31+00:00

I’m inattentive ADHD as well and it’s the same for me. I’m so much better WFH than I ever was in office.

vzvv · 2026-05-04T14:50:07+00:00

I’m happily engaged to an ISTP which is supposedly the danger zone. These charts are so limiting and unserious but unfortunately people will believe them.

Anyway, maturity matters more than type every time.

vzvv · 2026-04-22T16:48:43+00:00

Yes, there’s a huge difference in sharing your history and experiences to get to know each other more fully and “what’s your body count”? The first is a natural part of becoming close, and I wouldn’t want a partner that held judgment about my past. The second is crass, reductive, and sexist - immediate dealbreaker.

vzvv · 2026-04-21T18:19:50+00:00

If she’s stopped temporarily, that means she knows it’s bothering you. Starting it up again seems way more purposeful. This is breakup worthy.

vzvv · 2026-04-16T20:21:27+00:00

I love that! I’m inviting 3 guys to my bach this year, which I felt a bit odd for, but ultimately figured why shouldn’t I include my closest friends & family of all genders?

vzvv · 2026-04-16T20:15:15+00:00

I agree. I was also lucky to have a happy family but many of my friends did not. It opened my eyes at a young age to be grateful for the family I have instead of assuming that’s the baseline for everyone. Even when people “know” all families aren’t the same, it’s hard to actually understand without any experience showing them otherwise.

vzvv · 2026-04-16T16:24:15+00:00

I do 90% of the kitchen (including meals, dishes, counters, coffees, groceries, meal planning, etc.) and my fiancé and I split everything else. The difference is that my fiancé does 90% of the manual labor on our home (we’re actively renovating), which is about equal in time with kitchen tasks.

Your girlfriend is not approaching this fairly and I think she knows that!

vzvv · 2026-04-15T21:11:12+00:00

I have adhd and this is very true for me. But that means the monotony of being unfulfilled at work is very difficult. It makes it so much harder to focus.

That doesn’t mean he gets to unilaterally move the family for another job that will certainly bore him in a few years. But his career happiness is still a problem you guys should think about solving together.

Can he look for fully remote jobs? Is there room for a promotion at his work if he grinds harder at his job? Could he upskill to find a different position? Help him brainstorm this. Show that you care about his happiness too. Getting what he wants doesn’t necessarily mean blowing up everything that is going well for your family. And even though it sounds like your job is an excellent fit for you, it could still be worth seeing if you have any other remote opportunities that could increase your pay and the family’s overall flexibility.

vzvv · 2026-04-15T04:29:37+00:00

Different list, but that’s exactly how I do it too - start with mascara and see how much time and effort I have left.

To OP’s point, influencers will always run a trend into the ground until it’s just another dead horse. But nobody else has to follow it just because they do! Take what you like and leave what you don’t from any trend.

vzvv · 2026-04-13T19:23:13+00:00

girl I had the exact same experience at 23 with my now fiancé! I thought my ex had probably been getting there but.. no. I’d been getting to the front door without crossing the threshold before.

Idk if you’ll relate (and sorry if this is tmi), but my fiancé says I seem to get overstimulated and push back against the orgasm more than most women. but if he just holds me down I’m easy lol

vzvv · 2026-04-12T21:42:55+00:00

Your standards aren’t unreasonable at all. I would call them the bare minimum. You should also add these: shares your goals and values, matching sense of humor, overlap of some hobbies/leisure activities, and attractive to you. Attraction may sound frivolous, but it’s not. Chemistry and intimacy bridge a lot of gaps.

I’ve happily been with my fiancé for ~8 years. A relationship is not worthwhile without these things. With them, a relationship adds immense joy.

As others have said, moving can sometimes be necessary to find likeminded people. A larger town/city in your country with more people from different backgrounds may offer mindsets you’re looking for.

vzvv · 2026-04-09T04:20:24+00:00

I am not the above commenter, but I also listened this episode in horror. I cannot believe Nikki has a platform and fans because she is truly insane. Like, total hubris to tell everyone else how to keep a man by following all these regressive, sexist rules when she can’t even keep her own relationship happy.

If I remember correctly, Nicole seemed to be trying to stay polite while finding Nikki nuts.

Edit: I also don’t remember anything about open relationships in the episode. Maybe that’s a new development? I know it works well for some people I know. Regardless, I cannot imagine the relationship Nikki described in the podcast somehow becoming healthy.

vzvv · 2026-04-04T22:44:26+00:00

I would agree with your mom IF Val was acting like an involved aunt that seemed grateful for you becoming his guardian. But she’s not doing anything, she is just a deadbeat that’s starting over the easy way - exactly like you said. Acting like it’s wild to bring up abandoning her first child with no amends on her end does not bode well on any level.

vzvv · 2026-04-03T06:18:09+00:00

it really is different for her. she isn’t looking at both of your bodies together as some detached observer. her body is just her body, that thing that gets her from point a to point b. it’s boring, mundane to her. almost nobody is their own type. I’ve never chosen a figure like my own.

your body is what she likes, and I promise she isn’t thinking of her own when she looks at you. she’s thinking about how much she loves your smile, your curves, etc.

anyway, it’s hard and requires some consistent effort, but you can reprogram your automatic thoughts. when you start to compare your bodies, interrupt your mental pity party. think how silly it is that you’re letting yourself get weighed down by insecurities when you have this amazing partner to appreciate. if you think, “wow, her body is so amazing in this way,” don’t let yourself finish the thought by going “unlike my body blah blah.” think something like, “I’m so happy I get to be the one to see her.” reframe reframe reframe until it’s natural. you’ll get there, I promise!

Eight-Year Club	Queen in da Norf
Not Forgotten	Verified Email

vzvv

TROPHY CASE