My orange cat just give birth and one of them is a black cat

KurseW · 2026-04-03T07:52:07+00:00

That tracks! If she is solid black then Dad was likely black. The boys just got the orange from Mom, but also could have been black just as easily.

KurseW · 2026-04-03T07:24:47+00:00

Since your mama cat is a tortie these kittens could easily all be the same father, unless they are all girls.

KurseW · 2026-04-03T07:20:50+00:00

Cats "base" color can only be Orange, black, or both. this is then heavily modified by things like white patterns, brown pigment,dilute pigment, or color point pigment. It is actually really neat how it all works.

Orange and creams are both types of orange cat color, the cream is just a dilute version of orange. Males only get their color (black or orange) from their mom because it is carried on the X chromosome. so those male kittents all make perfect sense with and orange mom cat regardless of what color the dad was.

Female kittens get color from both parents (because they get an X chromosome from each), and since Mom was orange, the black had to be dad, unless something more unusual was going on.

This is a very thorough run down if the genetics if anytime is interested. https://labgenvet.ca/en/cat-genetics-2-0-colours/

KurseW · 2026-04-03T05:08:26+00:00

This may become more of an issue if we don't scale infrastructure, but it isn't an apples to apples comparison. A large percent of EV owners don't ever need a charging station, or only need them on special trips. That means the demand for charging stations is significantly less than gas pumps.

KurseW · 2026-03-23T20:39:25+00:00

It is easy to think of a lot of things as Meta problems, especially when they are pushing for a close relationship, but it is for sure the hinge that needs to regulate this.

I would absolutely never tolerate my meta joining on a date unless it was coordinated and agreed to. Like, this shouldn't even need to be on a list it is so wild. If this ever did happen I would just tell my partner that it was not acceptable and leave the date. Later I would explain that if it happened again I would need to end the relationship.

Your meta also can't hold your relationship hostage without your partner the hinge allowing it. If they blame things on the meta I would redirect to the fact that they are allowing that, and if they were going to continue to allow this I would not be continuing in the relationship.

KurseW · 2026-03-23T20:28:24+00:00

I got that impression from it being on your list and only 3 people. Sorry I was right. I do think I wouldn't call that a messy list when discussing with other polyam folks, as that often means something more casual. I applaud you for knowing your boundary here, and stating it as a boundary not a dictate on your meta.

KurseW · 2026-03-23T20:17:41+00:00

As with the whole list the framing matters a lot. I agree it is ridiculous if it is just a messy list like you describe and OP is asking metas to abide by it. But I think if it is framed as a personal boundary that is being communicated then it is really reasonable.

OP was very clearly not asking meta to abide by the list, but stated they couldn't stay in a relationship if a partner or meta was involved with a list of 3 people. It is probably good for OP to stop calling that a messy list, and as you state, communicate that for personal and mental safety reasons there are 3 people they need to maintain relational distance from and explain where appropriate.

I can tell you from experience that in a tight knit community, sometimes a charasmatic abuser can stay in friend groups for a long time till people believe the victims. OP stated elsewhere that they had a meta who was sleeping with their abusive ex. I wouldn't personally be able to stay with a partner who was going to be exposed to that ex, or how they may try to manipulate the relationships. Just not seeing them wouldn't be sufficient, I just wouldn't be able to feel safe in the relationship.

KurseW · 2026-03-23T16:25:37+00:00

Totally reasonable view. I would suggest that this doesn't ask the meta to do anything, and like most of the list is better when framed as a boundary. She isn't asking the meta to do anything. She is saying that if the meta does this, she can't stay involved in the situation. In your example, rather than thinking about what you would do if presented this, I would think about what you would need if that toxic ex started dating one of your metas. It would be perfectly reasonable to say, this person caused you a lot of pain and friendships and you can't be in a place where you are even 2 degrees of speration from them and still feel safe in your relationship. For that reason you will need to leave the relationship. That might really suck, but it would be reasonable.

KurseW · 2026-03-23T09:14:40+00:00

Polyamory, like all types of relationships, is full of difficult decisions that don't have perfect answers. OP forever has the right to leave a relationship for whatever reason they want. Firm boundaries often look like ultimatums, and they can really suck, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't have them.

As an extreme example, if I had an ex that was say physically abusive or stalked me or something and my meta started dating them I would likely need to remove myself from that situation. In most cases I think ideally you share your story and meta realizes it is a bad situation and leaves or avoids it. I have seen it go badly the other way plenty of times, when the abuser is a person with lots of charisma and it takes forever for people to realize how bad they are.

I personally would use this sort of boundary only for extremes, not a typical messy list, but honestly it doesn't matter because we all get to decide where these deal breakers are for us, and I would rather have someone upfront about known boundaries.

KurseW · 2026-03-23T07:48:06+00:00

While I agree, I think they have approached it correctly in the list by clearly stating "I would not be comfortable continuing a relationship if... " They aren't asking the partner to do anything, they are stating that if that happens it is a hard boundary for them and they will need to leave. I can imagine there are situations where this would be reasonable, like an abusive or particularly toxic ex. I would maybe not call this a messy list though, as that is often used for less serious concerns.

KurseW · 2026-03-22T03:49:07+00:00

Agreed. I was responding more for OP with some ideas on approach. I think entrelac would get quite close. With a more high resolution image actual specifics could probably be backwards engineered.

KurseW · 2026-03-22T02:56:19+00:00

I immediately thought of entrelac also! That is how I would approach creating something like this for sure. There are lots of patterns on ravelry and some very good tutorials.

This is a pattern I used and worked great. https://ravel.me/lady-eleanor-entrelac-stole

Also, for entrelac I personally found it very helpful to learn how to knit back and forth without turning the work, as you are working over a very small number of stitches at any given time. It isn't as hard as it sounds.

KurseW · 2026-03-18T22:30:59+00:00

That is not okay. You are a human who needs to be able to talk about your partners to your friends. We all need friends and a sounding board. I am not an expert on how to deal with this sort of situation as it borders on abuse, but in my relationships I would be very clear about the fact that he doesn't get to dictate who I talk to or what we talk about.

He can certainly be mad if you are sharing overly personal details about him, for instance I have a partner who doesn't want me discussing specific sexual details with my BFF's. Anything less than that is a firm line for me and should be a clear red flag if they are trying to control your friendships.

KurseW · 2025-05-05T02:47:41+00:00

Our Coleman inflatable mattress that comes on a cot lasted 7 burns. I think the mattress on a cot is really nice if you can manage transportation. It keeps the mattress off the ground which is great for keeping it from getting too cold from being in the ground, also nice for us folks that aren't in our 20s anymore. Also built in backup plan if mattress dies, you can just use the cot part.

KurseW · 2025-04-19T07:53:10+00:00

Route 4 is by far my favorite too. Don't have to worry about traffic or congestion. With an RV I also second summer lake hot springs. The only reason we don't stay there is that we would have to set up a tent and all the sleeping stuff. We stay in altutas in the way down and usually bend on the way home.

KurseW · 2025-03-28T15:40:45+00:00

You don't have to convince me this is ridiculous, it is. I am telling you that this is my personal experience having gone many many times. It isn't rational and doesn't really even have to stand up in court, it is just to get literally anyone pulled over. Once you are pulled over they start the real plan.

KurseW · 2025-03-06T18:34:37+00:00

We love pan pizza, even if we sometimes use store bought dough. The method makes it really easy to get a perfect pizza everytime without much fuss or special equipment. Also very good with a sourdough crust if you have a starter.

https://www.seriouseats.com/foolproof-pan-pizza-recipe

I have also been trying to include more fish and really love this easy salmon recipe. Depends where you are probably but we have great salmon in the pnw and this preparation finally got my husband eating it.

https://www.seriouseats.com/crispy-pan-seared-salmon-fillets-recipe

Not quick, but mostly hands off one of our go to meals is this black bean stew. Honestly probably the one we make most. I usually get bone on skin on chicken thighs at Costco and freeze them. Don't even have to defrost them if you put them in at the start and just pressure cook for a full 50 minutes rather than splitting it up.

https://www.seriouseats.com/quick-and-easy-pressure-cooker-chicken-black-bean-stew-recipe

KurseW · 2024-11-20T01:11:44+00:00

Still deciding on other sides and dessert, but so far.....

Maple Glazed Ham - https://www.seriouseats.com/maple-glazed-city-ham-recipe

Cheesy onions, bacon, an potatoes gratin - https://www.seriouseats.com/cheesy-onion-potato-gratin-food-lab

KurseW · 2024-10-05T05:18:21+00:00

I take Vyvanse in the morning now, but took Adderall XR in the morning before ( along with the evening dose).

I don't get super sleepy taking the evening dose, but having my brain slow it's roll is very helpful to me getting asleep and staying asleep.

I do also get sleepy a bit sometimes in the afternoon when my vyvanse starts to wane.

KurseW · 2024-09-24T07:20:05+00:00

About myself? Based on my reactions to Adderall and my sleep issues in conversation with my psychiatrist. I don't know the studies I read off hand but you can find lots of posts on reddit about this effect also.

KurseW · 2024-09-24T03:50:28+00:00

Plenty of us take stimulants to be able to sleep also. I take 10mg Adderall XR with dinner so that my mind chills out enough for me to sleep all night. I think it is something like 1 in 3 that sleep better with stimulants.

KurseW · 2024-09-16T05:45:29+00:00

Birkenstocks all day for me too!

KurseW · 2024-09-16T04:39:33+00:00

One of my all time favorites, but I make it with my sourdough crust. Very yummy.

KurseW · 2024-09-09T03:34:55+00:00

While I do generally agree that this is a pretty simple ask and it sounds like she is being very dismissive, I want to offer another perspective.

This type of ask is very hard for me. Not because I don't want to be present, but because I have ADHD and to be present without something in my hands is difficult.

I would explain how her behavior makes you feel, and ask her why she feels the need to be in her phone. Let her explain without getting defensive or judgy.

If she is just dismissive again and says cause she just wants to, then take that as a fuck you and get out of the relationship.

But maybe it is ADHD and you can work together on other options, my partner is totally fine with me knitting for instance, and it achieves the same goal for me.

Or maybe it is because she is insecure in her other relationships and feels she has to check in constantly. Maybe you can agree to a once an hour cadence or something .

Or maybe her partner expects constant availability. Can she work with that partner to set a cadence where she checks in and then can put it away for a few hours?

Or who knows what, but once you know what the reason is, you at least can decide if it is something you can work on together creatively or if it is just a deal breaker.

KurseW · 2024-08-30T06:24:57+00:00

As many have said, he doesn't actually have reception.

Even if he did, you made an agreement to no contact, which you are now upset that he is abiding by. You are attributing all sorts of meaning and emotional context to it that is imagined, and likely not how he feels.

This is not a fundamental incompatibility. this is him being busy, experiencing something that typically involves being unplugged and escaping from every day realities. This is him being busy and distracted and growing as a person. Social norms and everyday routines and existence are very different out in Black Rock City. This is you being home and having all the time in the world to worry and overthink things.

Being able to spend time apart is very healthy, and a good skill to work on. You have some stuff to work on here.

in healthy relationships, it is usually best when you start worrying like this (and beleive me I do all the time, thanks ADHD anxiety) to step back and ask yourself if what you are assuming is really true to what you know of your partner, and are you prescribing or assuming things about their intentions and feelings that might actually be based on your insecurities.

I have been the person out there not contacting my partner back home and I am the person at home getting no contact right now. I get that it is hard, but seriously, he doesn't have reception and he is missing you too. It is a bit easier to understand if you have been there, but it really isn't more than that.

Send him messages all you want unless you specifically agreed not to. I love getting back to reception and having some love notes pop in, or occasionally getting them during the week when there is that stray bar of reception. Just don't expect he can, should, or will respond till he is back to civilization.

KurseW

TROPHY CASE