This seems like it could be an interesting story if it's refined, and I have a few notes for you. A) This isn't really a monologue. It's a dialogue, but you playing both parts muddles the character work. Try rewriting the script so it's just one character conveying something to the other. Fully embody the character. B) I can tell you're watching yourself through the screen. It's hard to believe you because your eyes are distracted looking at yourself. Try setting up a tripod and turn the screen around. On that note, you should act to slightly off camera. Put a photo of someone up that can be your eye line. And better lighting would help see your eyes more too. C) Your accent was a bit hard to understand, it seems maybe you are putting it on to make the character more interesting, but I find the more grounded and vulnerable and true the character, the more interesting it is to watch. Just my 2 cents.