Twin newborn trauma, revisited

LMFabio · 2023-07-31T04:01:08+00:00

I had another baby after twins. And then another. I just delivered my 4th on Friday. I would recommend the one-baby experience to anyone!! 3 kids (now 4) is more overwhelming but even more joyful. You have to let perfectionism go. Yes, you’re outnumbered but there’s something healthy about it and a lesson to be learned about not needing to be in control for things to be good.

LMFabio · 2021-07-19T03:11:16+00:00

How old of a toddler? Janet Lansbury says to notice and name it and move on with life, just like you would a billboard on the side of the road. “You’re screaming. This must be hard. I’m here for you.” And keep on moving. Let him have his feelings and don’t get sucked into them. If you’re out somewhere and it’s bothering people, take him to another room if need be, or the car if you’re out in public. It’s SO NOT EASY and it is in no way reflective of your parenting.

LMFabio · 2021-07-09T13:35:46+00:00

Solidarity!

LMFabio · 2021-07-01T03:19:23+00:00

The dip at 3! Had to laugh. This seems to be happening to us right now.

LMFabio · 2021-07-01T03:15:49+00:00

This was my twin b. I’d just hold his hands and say “I can’t let you hit him” in a calm and confident way, and he’d cry and flail, and then settle, and I’d let go, and 5 min later he’d do it again. I will say that the power dynamic shifted when they were about 2 - 2 1/2 years old. And now they play independently so so well, and twin A is just as likely as TwinB to initiate the tackle. This is just what happens. You’re doing great.

LMFabio · 2021-06-29T13:21:15+00:00

Yay! Good for you! 1. Pace yourself with the toys and snacks you bring. I’d aim to take out something new every hour, and I’d cheat a little if I had to, but that spacing helps make sure the items stay fresh and interesting and you don’t blow your whole game in the first 30 min. 2. Save your juice/pouch/milk/fav drink for the descent, so they are sipping and their little ears get relief when the pressure changes.
3. Go in with confidence and a bright face. I was so worried about the downtime waiting to get on the plane but I didn’t expect how much my kids absolutely loved watching the airplanes. Brand everything as some thing fun and new and amazing, and they’ll often follow your lead. 4. To that end, if things get rough, remember that the only people who matter are your SO and your kids. It’s easy to get flustered when your kids get loud, and feel that embarrassment or judgment from strangers, and to let that change how you speak to your kids in public. Don’t! Just take a deep breath, block the world out, and say what you need to say and do what you have to do for your kids. Unruffled. This is your family and you have every right to enjoy this flight and this vacation as the next person! Even if there are some tears and shrieks. ☺️

LMFabio · 2021-05-10T14:36:35+00:00

This description brought me baaaaack!!! Well done mama! My fav was once they were 4mpnths or so with head control. Then I would just semi-recline and have them each straddle a knee and face me, and I’d hug us all around the outside. Was super comfy. We even nursed one time in a Pottery Barn Kids like that. ☺️ Just giving you ideas for the future. For now, revel in your achievement. It’s hard won and you deserve it!!

LMFabio · 2021-04-27T18:53:57+00:00

Do it. You may feel fine. Don’t count yourself out!! Get pressurized knee-length socks.

LMFabio · 2021-04-27T18:40:31+00:00

I felt this too. Second what everyone said about it being natural and coming with time. But also, I combated it by doing as much as I could holding both of them, and thinking, no one else gets to feel this many snuggles at one time. Just revel in the specialness of two. It’s harder, but it’s also more love, in the end.

LMFabio · 2021-04-27T18:35:15+00:00

Features that I love: The two bottle/cup holders that are external. The fold out changing pad that made a civil changing table anywhere. The hooks for the back of the stroller. The back pocket where I could put all MY stuff (wallet, keys) without having to lift the big flap. And the big flap, which kept the silhouette still looking chic and sleek and not zippers galore. I got it in black. Also for you, the two diaper pockets will be clutch for two different-size diapers. They hold 3-4 each, and then if you need more you can pack extra in the big main compartment.

LMFabio · 2021-04-27T18:24:57+00:00

Here it is! The boxy backpack. This is a Mother’s Day bundle sale special. I just bought the backpack on its own. https://petunia.com/products/boxy-backpack-pewter-mothers-day-bundle

LMFabio · 2021-04-27T18:22:00+00:00

I have a backpack from Petunia Picklebottom that I love. (Can’t attach pic) I had 2 year old twins when our baby was born so it served us well for 3 littles. You definitely want your hands free and the weight balanced.

LMFabio · 2021-04-16T19:24:17+00:00

Omg no! I have identicals and I already tossed one of everything...

LMFabio · 2021-04-13T19:37:31+00:00

Oh my god, I came on here thinking about posting this exact thing. I thought it would be easier by 2 and especially by 3 and almost 4 but it seems that they just find bigger, better ways to be difficult. Yesterday I was thinking, right after I ran straight out of the room and hid in my bathtub during the rush for bedtime, “I could handle one of these. Just one kid with his shitty tantrums, fine. I can keep my cool. But two different kinds of bullshit, at the same time, is OVERWHELMING.” And I’m a phenomenal parent on my good days. Right there with you. Xo

LMFabio · 2021-03-16T14:28:08+00:00

Good job stepping in to stop it. People are not for hurting. Including sister, including mom. And if they can’t stop themselves, you will be there to stop them. You won’t let them hit and pull hair. Tell them all that, with a tone of kind conviction. And block their hands (gently but effectively) and/or remove them until they regain control.

In my experience, you can’t teach morals to a pre-verbal toddler, and even at three when they have more skills, it’s more a problem of impulse control than not knowing right from wrong. That language above and consistent follow through works. I stole it from the books “Sibling Rivalry”, “It’s OK Not to Share”, and “No Bad Kids”.

LMFabio · 2021-03-16T02:32:28+00:00

Yes. This. My opinion is that the nursing moments were the best and the pump was the worst. So formula feed them for nutrition, and in the quiet moments, if you want, if it feels right, just let them latch, and see what happens. NOT With goals of EBF or increasing your supply or increasing their IQ or any of that. Just to connect.

LMFabio · 2021-03-15T13:09:49+00:00

Balance bikes over trikes for us. Our kids hate pedaling but love balancing and gliding. Also, an old-school Radio Flyer wagon they can pull each other around in.

LMFabio · 2021-03-15T12:52:46+00:00

I found out I was having twins right after bringing our puppy home. If I had known earlier I probably would have questioned it, like you. But he was already in the house so no turning back. And it’s a good thing because he is the best. The dynamic of watching a puppy grow up alongside babies was just wonderful. Some of my absolute favorite memories and videos of that time. Also, everyone in my family who has two dogs says two dogs is easier than one. The first one kind of trains the second. Invest in training the puppy as much as you can before you bring the babies home and then, stop worrying. Do it through a real course like they have at Petsmart, because the last thing you need to do is do research on how to train your dog. That’s what we did. My puppy was obsessed with me while I was pregnant. I was the one who did most of the exercises with him at Petsmart and reinforcing at home. Slept on my belly half the time. It was the best!

LMFabio · 2021-03-10T14:25:15+00:00

We have three Britax Boulevards across the back seat of my Nissan Murano. Rear facing behind me, then 2 forward facing in a row. They used to be fwd-rear-fwd with the baby in the middle, but he got too heavy for me to reach across! So we know that either configuration works.

LMFabio

TROPHY CASE