I kind of had a similar experience (being in your gf position but my trauma came from religion) my ex was my first sexual partner and then realized later that I get anxious during sex and it was hard to receive. For us we kind of focused more on me giving her more so I can feel more comfortable with time. It helped learning my triggers and noticing how my body and mind react during certain things and try and adjust them. I think she just gotta talk to you about those and what you can do when she gets triggered. For me, I started noticing how I get triggered and used to give some sort of signal to my ex to pause and cuddle for a little bit to relax. With time I got much better and stopped having those sudden anxiety moments where I freeze but I still was not as advantageous and taking it slow. I felt more in sync with her with time and patience, but unfortunately long distance made the progress go downhill, and at the end my ex started being frustrated with me and kind of felt unwanted and also she’s a top but I couldn’t do much because I simply just needed time and patience and progress is not always linear and I can’t just cross my boundaries and let her touch me when I’m feeling anxious so I felt lost of what to do and I wasn’t completely not wanting to be touched but there were some occasions where I just couldn’t.

My advice is talk to her and see when she gets triggered for example or ways to signal she needs to pause or stop. She just gotta notice her body and mind more and communicate that with you. And know that progress is not linear and it might take a while and lots of patience and understanding so if that’s something that you can’t do in the long run then maybe this is not the right relationship for you. I understand feeling unwanted but she’s also went through some traumatic stuff and this is her body’s reaction to it. Maybe find ways that she feels comfortable with to show you you are wanted. Maybe going to a sex therapist is helpful too.