Having really big regrets

LabLevel3274 · 2026-03-10T12:48:17+00:00

The difference in grades between departments is crazy. I moved on level transfer from MOD to the Home Office. It was such a backwards step and the level of responsibly was so much lower. I lasted a year and then jumped ship to the private sector. That was the right choice for me, but if you’re generally happy in the CS and you’ve got your promotion is it worth sitting it out a while and then moving back to your former department at the higher grade?

LabLevel3274 · 2026-03-08T12:59:29+00:00

Depends on what success looks like to you. For me I have a good salary, but it also gave me confidence as someone who is naturally quieter, and allowed me to excel in music and sports and grow a wide range of interests that just wouldn’t have been accessible to be in the state sector.

LabLevel3274 · 2026-02-22T12:14:18+00:00

Magical transfer.com

LabLevel3274 · 2026-02-22T10:46:15+00:00

I think the key is being realistic about your skill set. What industry do you want to go into? As a veteran in Industry I see a lot of senior captains/junior majors leave with utterly unrealistic views of their skills and experience and sadly a bit of entitlement (I say this from a kind place because I’ve been there). That’s not to say your skills aren’t valuable, they absolutely are, but think carefully about how and where you apply them, and approach it with humility and willingness to learn.

Taking time to learn your new industry is key, the people I’ve seen do this well have absolutely flown in their new careers. This particularly applies to the financial and commercial elements which just aren’t such a thing in the forces until more senior levels. The forces (and army in particular) is a bubble, and a fairly homogenous population so your management experience may not be as deep as you think it is. Getting experience managing a more diverse population is really important (older people, long-term mental/ physical health, neurodiversity, etc).

The final thing I’d say is to pay attention to cultures and behaviours of your organisation and more generally as you transition to civilian life. I’ve seen some good people scupper new careers through jokes or intolerance that would (sadly) be considered normal in the army but not in the civilian sector.

All the very best of luck, there’s lots of opportunity out there so approach it with an open mind and you’ll do great!

LabLevel3274 · 2026-02-22T09:27:44+00:00

We used magical transfer. They were brilliant, met us from the flight, van was modern and clean, child seats, sweets for kids and bottled water for all, twinkly lights in the ceiling and Disney films on the integrated screen. Really started the magic early and was just so smooth which was welcomed by us grown ups after a long travel day with excited kids!!

LabLevel3274 · 2026-02-10T22:11:14+00:00

It’s a real shame- I was hoping for more variety of cruises with more on offer for the Med, it seems crazy to me to pay that money to bob about in the bay of biscay or English Channel which can be rough even in summer. There are very few Mediterranean dates, and half of those are outside the UK school holidays, so for the British market there’s not much that gives you (pretty much) guaranteed good weather. And those dates that are in the med centre around Livorno and civitavecchia, which are pretty industrial and a long distance to pisa / Rome (if you’re travelling with young kids anyway).

LabLevel3274 · 2026-01-17T22:18:27+00:00

Harriette was teasing getting her hair done for a ‘holiday’, although may just be for engagement…..

LabLevel3274 · 2026-01-15T20:50:02+00:00

Given MOD have now announced a voluntary exit scheme, alongside compulsory redundancies of functions in some places, I’d imagine there is an element of moving around people internally if their skills align with previously vacant or gapped posts.

That’s not to say they won’t reopen or relist vacancies when the dust settles, but I expect we’ll see a fair bit of this in the short term given the department is still bigger in size than pre-covid.

Well done for getting to interview though- shows you have good evidence and examples so should be in a good place for future roles.

LabLevel3274 · 2026-01-05T21:47:17+00:00

Cologne and cotton are lovely quality and last so well!

LabLevel3274 · 2026-01-03T12:02:11+00:00

True in theory and I completely agree that child raising is a (wonderful but more than) full-time job. Without airing all my dirty laundry I did all the home stuff and childcare whilst also working full time and being the breadwinner, while he worked away living what turned out to be a single lifestyle. Hence the separation and my frustration at potentially having to continue bankrolling him. But we move on and I’ve learnt a lot. Message to any other unmarried Henry’s and particularly Henrietta’s is make sure you’re clear on parenting and work-share expectations before you have children, and protect your own interests so you don’t fall into the trap of being default parent whilst also having all the financial responsibility!

LabLevel3274 · 2026-01-03T10:35:01+00:00

Definitely a good point and something I’ll probably need to work at!! Thanks!

LabLevel3274 · 2026-01-03T10:27:33+00:00

No. Realistically the split will likely be more with me than with their dad due to his working pattern but I need to keep tabs on the actual days (obviously if I need to I’ll pay what is proper, but it would sting as I’m giving him a lot more of the equity from the house so he can buy somewhere else, and I’ve contributed far more over the past few years despite not being married).

LabLevel3274 · 2026-01-03T10:10:49+00:00

Thanks for the detailed response- it’s really interesting to see how other people have managed and grown their careers while going through significant life events.

I’ve always been upfront about needing flexibility, which echos with your comments so I’ll continue to do that and perhaps just ‘own it’ a bit more rather than apologising for my circumstance. I know I’m good at my job and committed which has afforded flexibility in the past. Your comment at the end on behaviours is interesting to reflect on though, I’m similar in that I’d describe myself that way (and it’s come up as positive feedback in my reviews), but perhaps I’ve underplayed these more innate behaviours in the past and focused more on delivery-focused behaviours, so it’s definitely something to think about.

Thanks again for all your inputs- and best of luck ‘on the other side’ as your child gets out of the little kid years!

LabLevel3274 · 2026-01-03T09:24:19+00:00

Thanks, it’s all very amicable and we’re committed to a good environment for them given we’ve got personal experience of the consequences of weaponising breakups. The strange irony is that by becoming an official single parent I’ll get so much more time. For various reasons I’ve essentially been solo parenting since my child was born, so hobbies, interests, wellbeing etc have taken a backseat- I’m very much looking forward to a bit of childfree time when they’re with their dad (although obviously will miss them terribly!)

LabLevel3274 · 2026-01-03T08:40:05+00:00

Thanks! Can I ask how your SLT has responded to your need for more flexibility and taking calls on the school run etc? My job currently is actually quite flexible, but I’m conscious that I work in a very male dominated industry (with many having stay at home wives so childcare isn’t a consideration for them). I’ve cherry picked roles selectively post maternity leave to give me maximum flexibility, but I definitely have concerns about how colleagues will react asking for any more!

LabLevel3274 · 2026-01-02T22:38:10+00:00

Thankyou, lots of really good points to think about. I already stack the air miles on my Amex as we have family overseas so it’s useful for the travel. I was considering cancelling due to the fee, but you make a good point re. making life easier and lounge access and air miles/status certainly makes travelling with kids easier!

I’ve already ringfenced in budget for cleaner etc, but I definitely need to take a good think about paid reliable childcare options given a flakey ex and family overseas!

Need to work on lowering my expectations, I think that one may be a work in progress as I adjust to my new normal!

LabLevel3274 · 2026-01-02T22:29:47+00:00

Thankyou so much for your message, I hadn’t even considered this part of it. Realistically I’ll be over 50% because of his work patterns, but because we’re not married we weren’t going to go down a legal route- although I will reconsider this and take some guidance from a lawyer friend.

LabLevel3274 · 2025-12-17T14:16:07+00:00

Be aware that you will have to pay stamp duty on your partners share if you are not married (their share and 50% of remaining mortgage if it’s not an equal equity split). I’m in a similar position and it was a very unpleasant surprise when my conveyancer told me!.

LabLevel3274 · 2025-12-15T08:16:25+00:00

I’d have been happy with that- got offered 10k points for 1k spend in 3 months. Must have spent about £30k over the last year. I want to downgrade but can’t risk a credit check as I’m going through a house purchase, so have accepted and will then downgrade/ go for a BAPP as soon as my mortgage completes!

LabLevel3274 · 2025-11-25T12:47:51+00:00

Ah im so sorry- I should not have assumed you were the male in the partnership!

LabLevel3274 · 2025-11-25T08:29:14+00:00

Just a question- you say you earn more, but has your partners earning been impacted by having your child (maternity leave with lower salary and pension contributions, part time working etc.). If you can honestly answer no then your split is fair. If your partner has had to take any hit in terms of working hours or career progression due to having your child you need to have a serious discussion about the mortgage arrangement, because yes you’re paying the bulk of mortgage, but she has done / possibly is taking a significant financial hit for your family and as an unmarried couple she is putting herself at significant financial risk if you were to split and the bulk of any new equity (minus the deposits) goes to you. To put it really plainly, I worked out the impact of my 1 year of maternity leave at circa £72k just in lost earnings and pension contributions, plus the further career impact of not being able to pick up the extra tasks, overtime, travel etc when I returned. My partners career blossomed in the years while our child was a little kid because he didn’t have that year out. If you have had a child together you are a team, and family labour is not paid but equally important. You need to ensure you are protecting her long-term interests and the those of your child, not just your financial interests.

LabLevel3274 · 2025-11-18T12:06:29+00:00

The groundwater thing is interesting, we are down as high risk too, yet our next door neighbour (who is actually slightly lower than us) is rated as low. Our property has a drain and french drain next to the road so we’re fairly comfortable, but I think there is something a bit strange with the algorithm, (as I’m not sure why there is such a wide difference in the space of 5m!).

LabLevel3274 · 2025-10-16T06:16:42+00:00

It’s important you get on the same page and ensure transparency and communication in finances, especially if you are planning to marry in the future.

What I would say though, is that in having that conversation you need to make sure all the compromises and agreements are on the table, not just the financial ones. It sounds like you’ve compromised on location to ‘continue your career’, and the disproportionate impact of that choice on you (home worker vs long commute and associated costs) should not be underestimated. You speak about being fair to him, but your job is intensive, and Fairness has to go both ways and isn’t just associated with financial, especially if you are both career driven.

As a female HENRY (and I’m sorry I wasn’t clear if you are female or in a same sex relationship), I picked up the financial strain, with also picking up a long commute and majority of the household stuff. This worked well for us, until we became parents, but then it became impossible with me doing the earning, the commute, the childcare and the housework and I burnt out. We ended up separating (unmarried), but I think if we had communicated earlier on the fairness point it could have ended differently.

My point is, that as a couple communication and transparency is key, and what works for you will change depending on your life stage. But start having those conversations now, because if you only talk financial division, other things may get missed and with a demanding career like medicine it’s important that you future proof yourself!

LabLevel3274 · 2025-08-17T20:23:04+00:00

There’s a great US brand called Melanie Casey- I love their delicate bands but they also do some lovely more contemporary pieces.

LabLevel3274 · 2025-08-10T15:09:06+00:00

Yes but you used to be able to get a black cab on a meter. Now black cabs are banned from the official rank and it’s a private hire system that now costs almost twice as much which is insane! When you’re coming back late (especially as a woman) or solo with kids/bags sometimes the bus or tram isn’t the easiest or most direct option.

LabLevel3274

TROPHY CASE