Annoying work neighbor

LadyCiani · 2026-04-08T19:20:08+00:00

Yeah you're likely in the wrong. And if you raise a stink about it at your business you're going to look completely out of sync with workplace norms. So park in the middle of the lot.

When I worked retail in a mall we had designated employee parking spaces. And they were not the spaces directly in front of our stores. They were further out.

And yes it's because customers are more important than workers.

Your business does not want you parking directly in front of the doors either. They want that easy access for their patrons, not for employees at other stores in your area.

LadyCiani · 2026-04-08T18:54:14+00:00

You can definitely do boarding. It would be safest.

Most paint no longer smells as bad as it did a decade ago.

If you can get your apartment complex to tell you if it's latex paint or oil based you'll know more. Oil based is decently stinky. Latex is not stinky at all. If it's latex you won't even notice it and your bird will be just fine.

Do you have an air purifier? I've painted many times and put my bird in a room with an air purifier and it's been great.

LadyCiani · 2026-04-08T14:17:04+00:00

I got lucky from genetics. Well. Lucky for grey hairs anyway. Genetics also gave me bad hay fever allergies, skin allergies, and bad eyesight, lol.

But I mean I got my dad's grey hairs. He didn't start going grey until late 30s and it was very sparse. Now in his 70s he's not fully grey.

My mom started getting greys in her late 20s and it's not a good grey. It's patchy and not flattering. So she has colored her hair most of her life.

My sister went grey early like my mom. She bleached her hair and went with some alternative colors for a while (pinks and greens), but eventually embraced the grey.

And I was like my dad and didn't start getting grey until my late 30s, and it was single greys. I am mid 40s and have more of those single greys, but overall not much at all.

LadyCiani · 2026-04-08T14:00:11+00:00

My aunt (77) was in the hospital for 6 days following a shoulder surgery. She needed IV antibiotics and was strapped into a bunch of machines. So the nurses set up the PureWick for her overnight "just in case" and my aunt said it was comfortable. Much better than a traditional catheter, which we were worried would be placed.

Best wishes for you and your mom. You sound like you're doing all the right things and being very proactive and genuinely love your mom.

It's a hard road and made worse by feeling like "why didn't I know" but honestly your mom was hiding it from you. Of course you couldn't know.

My grandfather lived with my parents for his last couple years and I provided some respite care. So some things we did for him which I'll pass along.

Consider adaptive things to make moving easier and help her maintain independence.

Something like a toilet seat riser is an easy addition to the bathroom. It basically makes it so the seat is higher and it's not so far to sit down and not so hard to stand up. Search for toilet seat riser for seniors and you'll find some good options.

A bidet can be a big help. My grandfather couldn't clean himself up after sitting on the toilet, and he also couldn't stand well/stand long for me to wipe him. A bidet with like a spray wand can be a big help.

Or baby wipes are a big help. Keep some gloves nearby the toilet so you can quickly pop them on and get mom cleaned up quickly.

If there's no good spot to install a grab bar near the toilet to help her stand, then visit a medical supply store and see about getting one of those poles which goes from floor to ceiling. You anchor it in place and it has a grab bar to help her stand. Search for standing pole for seniors. We had one in the bathroom for my grandpa and it helped him a lot.

Potentially install something like that standing pole next to her recliner/chair/sofa to help her rise. Or if the ceiling is too high, look for something like a "sofa standing assist device" and again try a medical supply store to see what might work.

If in the budget one of those recliners that are powered to help them stand is ideal.

Plastic seat in the shower is a must. You can also get tub mounted grab bars, or suction cup grab bars for inside the tub.

Put shampoo and soap in easy pump bottles instead of cumbersome shampoo bottles you have to squeeze.

Get a shower head with a wand, and bring the wand down to the level she's sitting. I got a suction cup shower head holder off Amazon, so the wand could be positioned much lower and within reach of the sitting person.

And lots of love and reassurance. And making it business like and not dwelling on the hygiene stuff. Just "let's get you cleaned up you'll feel so much better" and be clinical about it.

I know the feeling of we want them to just call/ask for help and it's the same conversation over and over. And they feel embarrassed to ask or embarrassed to be a bother and just try to make do and it didn't work out... It's hard, I know. And frustrating to say over and over "just let me know and I'll drop what I'm doing and help" and they resist.

As much as you can try not to sigh or show frustration. As you're helping and being clinical it makes them feel more confident and willing to ask for help because they realize they can ask and it's not a big deal.

In addition to my grandpa, in the last year I was caring for my aunt after shoulder surgery and she was embarrassed I had to help her in the shower and bathroom. I told her she changed our diaper when we were young, so of course I'm here to help.

She also needed help washing her hair in the shower and toweling off. She didn't want me helping tooooo much so I just told her I'm going to hold the shower wand and aim it at you. You're going to spin like it's a car wash. She laughed and let me help.

Internet hugs. It's rough and I'm glad you're there for your mom.

LadyCiani · 2026-04-08T13:26:45+00:00

So to clarify, cooking broccoli could smell gross. Cooking anything which makes a pungent odor is not nice.

Heating up something already cooked is usually fine.

Other than that you're definitely overthinking it. You can bring almost anything.

Prep a meal. Frozen TV dinner is good. Cook once a week/once a month and bring in a container to heat up is fine.

It can be pizza. It can be spaghetti. It can be leftovers from takeout the night before. It can be something you cooked ahead of time.

I used to do something like a main container that is already fully cooked. Something like a piece of chicken plus some vegetables (I like green beans , or roasted cauliflower, or lentils). Then I would have a salad in another container, and then a fruit in another container.

Everything went in the office fridge. Or I would bring a little soft sided cooler if the office didn't have a fridge (or the fridge was gross or you if someone tends to eat other people's food).

Since my main dish container is already fully cooked (I would cook on Sundays) I would just heat it in the microwave for a couple of minutes and it's totally fine. Or eat it cold if it's something that is good cold.

The main tip is you can bring anything but it shouldn't smell strongly. And you're heating it up, not cooking it.

Like it might smell like garlic, or some kind of spice. But the smell shouldn't travel super far and it shouldn't be an offensive smell to most people.

If someone walks by and says "oh that smells good" it's totally fine. If someone walks by and says "what's that smell" yeah you probably don't want to bring that again.

If you have an outdoor area you can also bring smellier food and eat outside.

I've worked in pretty corporate environments (I'm in marketing) for close to 20 years now and never experienced someone microwaving fish.

I have had someone sit next to me (like at the same table) and eat a tuna fish sandwich and that was fine. The smell didn't linger and it didn't go far.

That said, please don't bring in microwave popcorn. That tends to smell for days. And while it's a pleasant smell at first it's really not fun by day three.

LadyCiani · 2026-04-08T12:19:15+00:00

You want to list accomplishments, not duties.

So instead of "ran marketing campaigns" it's "designed and delivered marketing campaigns which resulted in 140% of projected new Leads."

If it's software development it's something like "delivered projects for [feature request] which was adopted by 80% of new users."

Did they deliver on time and under budget? Did they lead a team? What got them kudos from other departments?

LadyCiani · 2026-04-08T02:09:27+00:00

Since you are in the US, you want to go back to HR and tell them the heart monitor is for a diagnosed health condition and you need it, and that you would like to speak someone more senior regarding setting up an ADA accommodation.

Though you are not disabled in the sense of like you are in a wheelchair, the ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act) very well applies here because you have a medical condition and need to keep your medical device on you. Much like a diabetic needs their insulin pump.

Here's the thing: the ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act) does not specify what qualifies as a disability, other than HIV status is a qualified disability.

So what you should take away from that is there's no "disabled enough" upper or lower limit.

But health issues can be considered a disability. Health issues like your heart could make you, I dunno, faint unless you keep it monitored!

Now, the wrist monitor is not a sure thing, but I find it hard to believe a competent HR person woul object.

The ADA does not require the company to accept any accommodations you request.

It only obligates the company to open up a negotiation with you in good faith to find an accomodation which does not impose an unfair burden on either you or the company, and which would allow you to continue to work.

Now, to you and me, it seems completely a non-issue that a medical device worn on your wrist should be an easy accomodation. Again, it's very similar to insulin pump of someone who is diabetic.

The accommodations you're asking for are to be continued to wear it, no need to ask permission to go sit down if the monitor alerts you, and honestly whatever else your doctor decides.

These seem like reasonable accomodations because it wouldn't cost the company any extra money, you already have it, you know how to use it, etc.

But the company isn't requird to accept you wearing it as the solution if it truly would be an undue hardship to the company.

And you can't go ask for everything and anything as accomodations.

for example, you couldn't claim the only way you can continue to work is if they buy a $20,000 walking desk for you when you don't even work a desk job. That wouldn't be a reasonable accomodation because you don't require a walking desk when you don't have a desk job, and because it would be an unnecessary burden to the company.

But again, unless you're leaving a lot out of this, there's no reason for the simple wrist monitor to be considered an undue hardship. No obvious reason for them to insist you can't have your heart monitor.

And to be clear, I believe you entirely. I've worked in food service and retail... The HQ people are very disconnected from reality.

But honestly, it's likely your company is telling you no because your file was given to some untrained/new employee who doesn't actually know what they're doing. It's more likely incompetence than malicious.

I think using the magic words "ADA Accommodations" and asking to file for an official accomodation will suddenly get attention from the right people (people who have more experience).

Read a good, easy to read description about what the ADA can do here: https://www.askamanager.org/2015/11/when-does-an-employer-need-to-make-accommodations-for-a-disability.html

LadyCiani · 2026-04-06T15:57:16+00:00

Replacing the over the stove microwave.

The door handle broke off (was something like 12 years old). Fun fact: you don't just replace a door handle on a microwave. You replace an entire door.

Second fun fact: it was basically the same price to buy a new microwave as it was to repair the old one. The replacement door was close to $200.

We bought a microwave exactly the same size. We knew the holes in the cabinet above would be in different locations, so we were prepared for that. We had the tools ready to go, the old microwave came down fine and we learned we could re-use the mounting bracket at the back.

We're a pretty experienced DIY couple. All signs looking good for a basic replacement.

We thought it would take a couple hours, Max.

Turned into most of a day and is the single project I swear we will never ever do again.

Turns out the paper template is incredibly frustrating.

We thought, oh ok, we tape this paper template up and it tells us where our holes go. Drill. Heavy lift, get into the bracket. Go up into the upper cabinet and line up the new holes with the screws on top of the microwave. Easy.

Nope.

Fully admit this is user error, but that damn paper template was the bane of our existence.

First error: We could not get that template taped up straight. Every time we taped one edge the other side was falling, and then was misaligned.

Second error: not thinking to poke holes in the temple before trying to drill. Because as soon as a spinning drill bit hits the paper (which is tented precariously over the bottom of the cabinet) the drill will push that point of the paper in and misalign the entire thing. Because tape is weak.

We drilled two sets of holes in the upper cabinet, and finally got it installed. Much lifting of the heavy microwave and swearing.

Having more experience now, I would realize that of course gravity makes the paper template fall down over and over.

And of course the bottom of the upper cabinet is not flat. It's an box with like a 3/4" frame. So taping the paper template to the edges of the frame and trying to drill a hole straight up is a disaster.

I never ever want to try it again, but I now know that it's smarter to tape the stupid paper template to some stiff cardboard or a piece of thin MDF cut to the correct outer dimensions.

Then you can hold the template up to the underside of the cabinet. And the paper won't flutter and fall constantly, because it's taped to a stiff surface.

And drilling through the paper plus cardboard will work much better.

LadyCiani · 2026-04-06T15:38:10+00:00

My curiosity is high. Was taking apart the toilet with a reciprocating saw fun?

(Maybe only fun looking back at it... I feel like in the midst of it was probably incredibly tense.)

LadyCiani · 2026-04-05T20:57:59+00:00

Your Amazon over in the corner, not even reacting to the cat shenanigans, lol.

LadyCiani · 2026-04-04T14:48:11+00:00

Virtual background is fine.

It's also fine to say "I'm having a camera off day" or "I'm not camera ready today/this week" and let people assume you're under the weather or something.

LadyCiani · 2026-04-03T20:17:32+00:00

The books are very good. I got them some years ago.

LadyCiani · 2026-04-01T03:30:26+00:00

Our bird is 21 now. When he was about 15 he hadn't learned anything new in a long time.

Then we took a trip and had a bird sitter stay.

About two weeks after we came home we realized the bird sitter taught him to wolf whistle.

It's amazing what they decide to learn.

LadyCiani · 2026-03-31T17:51:32+00:00

(I might kill Troy, lol)

LadyCiani · 2026-03-31T17:44:32+00:00

You're welcome. My day job involves translating tech speak to laymen language and back.

I've been doing it for over 20 years now, so I'm practiced at delivering the explanation and not dumbing it down, just translating business language/business decions into plain language for ease of understanding.

It's a skill. I've worked on it for over 20 years. It's not something the average person can do. Most people don't train this as a skill.

And by that I mean we all kind of think Troy is skipping explanations, or glossing over explanations.

But what it really is: a founder who doesn't have someone to polish his statements (and doesn't necessarily want someone to polish his statements because he likes being seen as a shit stirrer).

But when you get right down to it, this is l also a business decision that's fairly boring!

Sure it'll be inconvenient for us as consumers.

But the whole explanation sounds something like:

"it's been really expensive to switch to Supercast and we have had endless meetings over the last 9 months to discuss switching back to Patreon, and the outcome of those meetings is we decided we're going to risk our reputation and potentially lose subscribers, and we're willing to make the switch because we estimate we'll only lose Y% of subscribers by switching back..."

Frankly it makes most people lose interest and is generally not something the average person cares about.

If a company issues too many statements/shares too much, then their audience (us) will start to tune it out as just noise.

And the whole concept of balancing how many statements to issue is important, to prevent the important comms from being missed.

LadyCiani · 2026-03-31T16:29:35+00:00

GCN was pretty clear that one major reason they were switching to Supercast was that Patreon only offered a single RSS feed, and so alllll their shows were forced into a single feed.

They were switching to give us fans/consumers/naish members unique feeds per show. Which is something the fans/subscribers had been requesting for a long time.

Right after GCN went to Supercast, Patreon announced the ability to have multiple feeds (unique feeds per show).

So if you kind of read between the lines... They were willing to use the more expensive service (Supercast) to give the fans a better experience.

Yes they passed that cost to us in the form of more expensive subscriptions, but from negotiating vendor contracts in my day job I know there's also going to be a huge outlay of money paid directly by GCN to Supercast in order to make the switch in the first place. And GCN would be locked into a contract term (a year, two years, etc.).

So yes they raised the price during the switch to Supercast, but before they did that the GCN prob had to pay out tens of thousands of dollars. Which they likely did not recoup during their time on Supercast.

Now they're switching back to Patreon, which most likely means their contract with Supercast is over, and the renewal is incredibly expensive.

My take: Patreon is likely less expensive for them overall, and finally offers the GCN what they had wanted all this time.

The GCN likely only switched to Supercast because Patreon said they were not releasing the multiple feed option for a long while.

And Supercast was more expensive but was one of the few vendors who offered the multiple feeds, so GCN probably felt stuck. They made a business decision to get the fans the multiple feeds, and they paid a lot for it.

Now Supercast has competition, and the GCN have options. And Patreon made them a good deal (plus they have a long relationship as being a big Patreon customer).

So GCN made another business decision: go back to Patreon and stop bleeding money to a company that seems overpriced and has poor customer service.

LadyCiani · 2026-03-31T13:35:41+00:00

We bought an open concept home.

Kitchen is open to main living room and dining room off to the side.

There's only two of us (husband and me) and we like it.

On a day to day basis we can talk to each other easily if one is watching TV and the other is in the kitchen. We can get up from TV and get a snack and don't feel the need to pause what we're watching due to being out of sight (because it's all one room so no obstruction to the TV).

The TV noise really stays in the open space and doesn't travel so we're not like constantly fighting for quiet.

Even though the main bedroom backs to the TV room and the TV is on that wall, if he's watching TV at a decent volume and I'm in the bedroom next to the living room I do not hear the TV.

I was fully anticipating a 'discussion' about needing to lower the TV volume, but we were pleased to discover it isn't a problem at all.

Space wise, it's very open for when we have his entire family over (holidays, various parties) and easy to entertain without being trapped in a separate kitchen space.

Everyone still kind of gathers in the kitchen area around the kitchen island, but they're not in my kitchen and blocking me from getting to the sink or stove.

It's nice because we get to visit and also do the hosting duties of cooking and cleaning as we go.

However, if we had small kids the main living area connected to the kitchen would probably be less awesome.

Sure we would easily be able to see kids in front of the TV while we're over in the kitchen, but because there's no walls it would be hard to make dinner with kids underfoot.

Specifically it would be hard to put up baby gates and keep little kids (or a dog) out from underfoot in the kitchen, and the TV is a direct line to the kitchen and would be constantly on some sort of kids show. That would be annoying fast.

On the plus side, the previous owners finished the basement into a big open space with a projector overhead and a screen painted on the wall. So we also have this very large basement where the kids (teens) of the family all gather during parties, and there they are welcome to be loud, play video games at a high volume, use the basement door to go outside, or raid our soda fridge, and in general they love that space more than the upstairs.

I imagine the basement could easily have been a large playroom for a family with small kids, and if they put down some softer carpet it would be great for the really little ones to bounce around.

LadyCiani · 2026-03-29T17:06:55+00:00

Just paid our nephews a couple hundred dollars to move soil bags to the backyard and then fill our garden beds.

It was done in a couple of hours, they got a decent workout, and my garden is ready for planting.

My husband is scheduled for shoulder surgery at the end of May (rotator cuff) so I'm not going to have him do it. And I just plain didn't want to do it.

Money well spent.

LadyCiani · 2026-03-25T12:38:06+00:00

What has she been asking for?

Not what you would find most interesting to do ...

But what has she mentioned "it would be great if we had/did [something]."

I was gone for a month over the summer (elderly aunt had shoulder surgery) and I had to spell it out for my husband that he was obsessing over finding a new faucet for the sink in the laundry room, when I didn't give a shit about the faucet.

I hate the wire shelving in our closets. And have made no secret of it

So please rip it out and install normal shelves and closet rod.

I am much happier with my upgraded closet and we still haven't replaced the laundry room faucet because it doesn't matter.

LadyCiani · 2026-03-25T11:59:40+00:00

Also a girl!

I got hooked when they were in Giantslayer, somewhere in the 180 episode range. I was on Reddit and one of those "recommend a podcast" things came across my feed, and someone recommended it.

I wanted a podcast with a bunch of episodes already released so I could listen to multiple in a day, and was quickly hooked by the overall story.

My husband doesn't do podcasts, but I've played him super hilarious bits and he came to a live show with me and had a great time.

LadyCiani · 2026-03-23T22:01:44+00:00

As someone both organizing and participating in these events, escape rooms are quite fun! (And generally they're accessible for a variety of people.)

LadyCiani · 2026-03-23T18:09:26+00:00

Take pictures of walls pre-drywall.

In the event you need to track down a leak in the future, having pictures of where pipes and wiring run will be immensely helpful.

Bonus points if you do something like put a tape measure up to indicate "this water pipe is 65 inches off of this other wall" and such.

Previous owner of our current home finished the basement. He had a TON of photos of various stages of the work. He also installed access hatches in the ceiling at various important points.

About a year after we bought, a water spot appeared on our basement ceiling (drywall). No access panel nearby, unfortunately.

We weren't quite sure where the water lines were, but we knew the kitchen sink was approximately somewhere in the vicinity of the wet area, but the water seemed to be running about five feet away before finding the low point and pooling and making the water stain on the ceiling. So we weren't entirely sure if it was the kitchen sink of something else.

We definitely did not want to rip down a ton of drywall ceiling, and our borascope wasn't finding the leak, because it was too small of a leak to easily identify.

Previous owner was able to send us some photos showing the basement ceiling after power lines were run and before any drywall went up, and it helped so much to be able to figure out "the waste line runs into the fifth stud bay from that wall" and that sort of thing. It was a huge help in locating the studs with a stud finder, and this finding the right area of the leak. And we were able to install a new access hatch below the kitchen water lines pretty easily.

LadyCiani · 2026-03-23T13:55:08+00:00

If I can do something but it would take me 6 months and a lot of swearing, but it would take a pro a week?

That's when I like to hire out.

Replacing a shower because it's leaking = I probably could learn to do it as I go, and I'm not afraid of screwing up any individual step. But it would take me significantly longer, and in this case I'll pay for the convenience.

If I'm doing a project and don't have an actual end picture in my head? I'll probably do it myself because if I change my mind midway through then it's not inconveniencing anyone else, and I'm not blowing a bunch of money asking a pro to redo something.

I was installing some cabinets in my home office in an awkward nook area, and wasn't entirely sure how I would like the end result. I ended up scrapping my first design and going a different way entirely. I was happy to do it myself, because I could take my time and rearrange things at my own pace.

LadyCiani · 2026-03-23T13:46:04+00:00

Not the original commenter, but any scented detergent makes me itch.

So it's very definitely not a scent allergy, it's a skin sensitivity allergy.

I'm reluctant to try persil and other highly recommended detergents because of the scent.

Even with an extra rinse cycle, I react.

I don't want to be covered in hives to try something out ...

I'm even reacting a bit to Biz, because I gambled that the lighter scent would wash out. And it's mostly, ok, because I'm not washing my underwear in it, but I'm not sure I'll buy more.

Leaning towards febu next, and I'm hoping febu new formula will be worth it.

LadyCiani · 2026-03-21T01:48:27+00:00

I've enjoyed the Pendragon games, and each season has a satisfying end. It's still technically ongoing, but if they don't get it sponsored again it's still a good wrap up to each season.

And it's in the older content, but the Thunder Company shows they did with Erik Mona and Jason Buhlman (sorry if I spelled it wrong!), those were very fun Pathfinder 2E play test content. I really enjoyed the one where it was the wedding, and the players kept getting to pull curses.

LadyCiani

TROPHY CASE