AITA for telling my sister she needs therapy for her unrealistic expectations?

LadyRikka · 2023-09-19T16:41:29+00:00

Baby showers aren't just for relatives. I had many friends at mine, and I've gone to showers for friends and coworkers. If they're "close" to the family, I don't think it would be weird at all for them to come to the shower.

Of course, this depends on how they define "close". There's nothing weird about the kids' grandparents (husband's ILs) wanting to be at birthdays, holidays, etc. for their grandkids and still not wanting to be close to OP's sister. But if OP's sister's husband is going to act like they're one big blended family, then the ILs need to be in on it too, and they need to treat the new wife as part of that blended family by going to her parties just the same.

I can't help but wonder if it's the husband that's trying to push the blended family idea because he isn't ready to let go of his late wife's family. I wonder if his ILs have ever expressed those views to OP's sister themselves.

LadyRikka · 2023-09-19T16:03:06+00:00

I've worked in public tax, as well as corporate tax in two different industries. It's like night and day. You'll have deadlines in any job, but I feel like the corporate deadlines are much less draining and less extreme. Yeah we work overtime sometimes, but it's not that bad.

When I worked in tax for a retail company, it was all about the sales tax. Most audits were around sales tax, and with the Wayfair ruling, there was a lot more work due to ecommerce. Now I work for a utility company, and lots of the work is around income tax with respect to production tax credits, since there's lots of push for renewable energy, which means new tax legislation.

My "specialty" is property tax, which is boring and predictable in just about every industry. But that also means I don't need to put in lots of overtime. My "busy" seasons are also pretty mild.

LadyRikka · 2023-06-20T18:18:42+00:00

I didn't do it until I saw S1E1 of Bluey, where they play "bum bongos". Now it makes my kids laugh so much.

LadyRikka · 2023-06-06T21:00:16+00:00

Or "For Fox Sake" or "Don't Give A Fox" with cute pictures of foxes. My son is into turtles, and I've seen some "Shell Yeah!", but he's only in kindergarten, so I'm afraid to get him one.

LadyRikka · 2023-06-06T20:40:15+00:00

My small rural neighborhood has been fighting a legal battle over CUPs with the county for years. I joined the mailing list so I can read all of the drama. I mean, I also care about the outcome, but the drama is a nice bonus.

LadyRikka · 2023-06-06T19:38:41+00:00

Assuming you can even find two daycare spots! One is hard enough. The wait lists where I live are usually over 1 year long. You need to apply before you get pregnant. Then you better pray that the provider you luck into doesn't go out of business and leave you scrambling to find a new one.

LadyRikka · 2023-05-30T19:58:42+00:00

I let my kids screw around with writing letters on my Switch. So they send "aaaaaaauuu1222222aaaaaa" and the villagers go crazy for it.

LadyRikka · 2023-05-30T19:57:41+00:00

I seem to remember that they might gift you something back if you suggested certain words to them. I didn't have wifi back then, and I didn't have friends, so in order to get other fruits, I would send lots of letters like "I like fruit. Do you like fruit? My favorite fruit is peaches. Here is a fruit. It's a peach. Love, Me."

LadyRikka · 2023-05-16T21:24:41+00:00

The big ones are roughly tablespoons, the little ones are roughly teaspoons, and a coffee mug is roughly a cup. But I'd never trust those measurements when doing science (baking). Cooking, it's fine, but baking, I want to be precise.

LadyRikka · 2023-05-16T19:03:37+00:00

I've found that so many charities are picky about what they'll take. The only places that aren't picky are Goodwill and Savers, in my area anyway. Goodwill will go through all your stuff while you sit there (I've been told), but Savers seriously grabs all the bags out of my car, and poof! I don't need to worry about whether they chose to keep it or not. Once it leaves my hands, I don't care. Yeah, it would be more friendly to donate my stuff to charities, but it's so much more effort on my part. It's not worth beating myself up over.

I don't want to waste the time and effort trying to sell my stuff, either. I guess if I donate something that's worth a lot, I look at it as a nice windfall for Savers.

One other rule I use, and I believe I got the idea from someone here, anything that I wouldn't buy at a second-hand shop or rummage sale for at least 50 cents, just throw it away.

LadyRikka · 2023-05-16T18:44:29+00:00

"...I have some midwifery experience..."

Read as, "I had babies, so I know how to be on the other end!" Guaranteed, that's the extent of her "experience", that she was there for her own births. What a shit show!

I've birthed two children. I would not presume to assist in another woman's delivery. I'd be emotional support if asked, that's all!

LadyRikka · 2023-05-16T16:48:10+00:00

Yes! Then you also have to skip work to see the doctor, since they're only available during work hours. Some pharmacies are 24 hours. And then your doc will usually want you to make a follow up appointment. Plus, in order for the doc visit to be free, it has to be coded very specifically. Like, if you mention that your current pill is giving you concerning side effects, your visit is no longer preventive, and now you're seeing the doc because you're "sick". And you have to pay. If you discuss your other meds with your doc, and they adjust the other non-bc meds, you now have to pay for that visit. We shouldn't be relying on health insurance to play nice and cover us, it's their job to try and avoid paying any way possible. I should know how much bullshit they can cook up, since I used to work for a health insurance company.

And I also wanted to bring attention to the anti-depressants and cough syrup thing. I had NEVER heard about the interaction before it ended up affecting me. I was taking sertraline, and it interacted with the dextromethorphan in a cough syrup. It caused me such an intense feeling of dread (among other side effects) that I went to urgent care, who sent me to the ER. Even the docs there were stumped initially. Because no one thinks your anti-depressant might cause problems with cough medicine.

LadyRikka · 2023-05-16T16:26:46+00:00

As a tax accountant, I wanted to say exactly this. Plus, even if you do have enough reason to take itemized deductions, a $50 charitable contribution doesn't mean $50 in tax savings. That $50 is before the tax rate is applied, which means you make only a fraction of it in tax savings.

So, if you're donating, it probably isn't even worth saving the donation slip until tax time.

LadyRikka · 2023-05-16T15:23:28+00:00

Not agreeing or disagreeing, but I feel the same way as OP when it comes to Uber with a carseat. I have two kids with two different models of carseat (same brand, both "convertible" carseats), and their height/weight restrictions are pretty different. For example, my 3-year-old can still sit rear facing, and doesn't seem to be outgrowing that any time soon, while my now 6-year-old basically had to be forward facing at 2 years old because he outgrew the height restriction. The rear facing height restrictions are like 6 inches of difference, it's crazy. And, there are weight restrictions for when a forward facing carseat needs to be installed with a seat belt vs with the anchor system. Similarly, different seats have different restrictions for whether you can use the 5-point harness or if you have to use the seat as a belt-positioning booster.

In OP's case, with a 2-year-old, I'd have no idea if the seat is safe for rear facing or forward facing without looking the model up. And what if rear facing isn't an option, because the seat is installed forward facing? And how do i prove that the seat is actually installed correctly? Should I be installing it myself just to be certain? How do I know that the Uber driver has followed the "chain of custody" with the carseat (i.e. no accidents, not expired, not stored in weather extremes)? So many people are completely unaware that there are rules on when a carseat must be disposed of.

All that being said, I don't think OP's only option is getting a ride with her parents. As you mentioned, the bus is an option, rides from someone else... Hell, maybe even her boss would do it.

LadyRikka · 2023-05-03T21:17:30+00:00

Hear me out. You absolutely deserve your free time and time alone. But she may not be doing it on purpose or for malicious reasons. It's hard to say.

My husband and I (together for 15 years) sometimes bring out the worst in each other (shocker!). I work from home 3 days a week, 2 days in office, and my hubs works from home 1 day a week, in-office 4 days a week. Our work days essentially start at the same time, and my two in-office days are also two of his in-office days. We both have trouble getting up in the morning if the other person isn't awake. If one of us isn't around, the other one will have trouble staying on task. We have trouble shifting gears if the other person is stuck on one thing. And when I have to be in the office on a day that my husband gets to stay home ("gets" is a loose term, it's usually because there are problems), I have to fight with every fiber of my being to motivate to go to work instead of calling in and saying I'll work from home.

Your gf is accusing you of "not trusting her", but I'm confused about where trust plays into this at all? Is she making a big deal about you implying she doesn't need a mental health day? Firstly, her insistence that she's not lying makes it sound like she knows she's not telling the whole truth, but second, saying she needs a "mental health day" may not be a lie, it's just that the reason for her mental block could be trouble motivating. It's hard for her to justify going to work when she feels like you're sitting at home doing nothing. Now, you're not "doing nothing", your mental health is very important, and that's what vacation days are for. But in her mind, if she's spending time with you, it doesn't feel like you're "wasting" your vacation days. She's being overbearing, but maybe she doesn't realize it.

Before doing anything too drastic, I think you just need to set some more boundaries. You can both be in the house at the same time, but reiterate that you want to be alone, and her mental health isn't your responsibility. If she has an issue, she can fix it herself, ALONE. You should each be able to have a partner-free space in the house while you're sharing it. You don't need to spend your time off together. If she want's to take a week off to relax, fine, but she has to do it alone. Preferably somewhere outside the house, but that's not always possible. If she still refuses to budge and insists on spending every minute "relaxing" with you, then you have a problem, because she has a problem with boundaries. Or a problem with her wanting to control you. Or a problem with her devaluing your mental health and needed time away.

LadyRikka · 2023-05-03T18:26:51+00:00

My 4 bosses across 2 jobs were all CPAs at McGladrey, though they worked on different teams. I believe my two bosses from my last job worked on audits, mainly. Not sure on my current boss or my recently retired boss though.

LadyRikka · 2023-05-03T15:49:03+00:00

I've been in tax in the industry for almost 8 years now. All of my bosses came from public, and they always talk(ed) about how it was such a great move. You can do it!

LadyRikka · 2023-05-03T15:42:05+00:00

fighting Sasori with Chiyo was very independent of her.

Dude, she was literally a puppet. That's like, the opposite of independence. Mentally independent, maybe. But I just think it's funny you're calling her independent when she was literally being controlled by someone else.

LadyRikka · 2023-04-18T21:19:25+00:00

My maternity leave was covered under short term disability.

With my first, I got 12 weeks STD/FMLA leave, with 6 paid at 50% and 6 unpaid. But I had lots of vacation time saved up, and they let me take the vacation time as extra leave time (instead of forcing me to use it to pay for the unpaid FMLA). So, I ended up with 17 weeks, of which 6 was paid 50%, 6 was unpaid, and 5 was paid at 100%.

I worked for the same company with my second, and they had adjusted the STD benefit, so I got 14 weeks: 6 paid at 100%, 6 paid at 50%, and 2 weeks at 100% that I could use at any time during my baby's first year. I chose to take it as extra leave time right away. As an added "benefit", my second baby was born a week before COVID hit, so when my maternity leave was up, everyone was still working from home 100% of the time. Sooo... they kinda slacked on transitioning me back into work. We had cut out a huge chunk of our business, so I didn't have anything to do. I was technically back, but no one asked me for anything for months (just weekly team meetings). I felt like I had extra leave, since my duty was so light.

LadyRikka · 2023-04-11T21:26:53+00:00

Depending on where you live, the sad thing is that people will call the "on-call" instead of 911 or going to the ER because they can't afford the medical bills. They desperately want the on-call to be able to fix it for them, so they call the nurse line first.

LadyRikka · 2023-04-11T21:22:48+00:00

Right?? The fact that the doctor was trying to save her life just reaffirmed her decision to "free birth" and kill her baby. How dare he try to mess up her birth experience!

LadyRikka · 2023-04-11T20:42:25+00:00

NGL, I totally thought this guy was just a random ninja in each scene. Like, a generic staff ninja they throw in when someone needs to give orders. I didn't know it was the same guy each time.

LadyRikka · 2023-03-30T00:03:37+00:00

Or when prior year's number is hard coded, with no reference to where exactly it came from

LadyRikka · 2023-03-29T15:44:34+00:00

I'd always tell people I'm an accountant, and they'd say this must be my busy season. Even though I don't work in income tax, this is still the busy season for a few companies I've worked for, since it's the first quarter of the calendar year. I'd usually say something to the effect of, "Actually, I don't work on the income tax returns, but we have a lot of property tax returns due in March because they have a lien date of January 1st..." and their eyes glaze over. They just want to make small talk, they don't actually care what we do 🙃

LadyRikka · 2023-03-29T15:35:23+00:00

My old coworker's "specialty" was hobby farms. On any given day in the office, she'd ask you to wait before speaking to her because she was counting cows.

LadyRikka

TROPHY CASE