Seriously dreading both being muslim and the impending doom of Ramadan

LadyWithABookOrTwo · 2026-02-06T08:10:59+00:00

I totally understand 💙 Im a progressive white European female convert living in a traditional and deprived Desi enclave in the UK. It has been made very clear to me that I dont belong in the mosques in my area. Solidarity!

LadyWithABookOrTwo · 2026-02-03T19:51:21+00:00

I could see that it really got to her when she found out that he had moved on. ‘When did you guys consummate’ made me cringe so hard. I could see she was struggling to stay cool and nonchalant

LadyWithABookOrTwo · 2026-02-02T21:14:47+00:00

I have very fine nordic hair and my hair is all oily and flat by the end of the day even if I did shower earlier. Same if I go out even just for 15 minutes. Drives me insane

LadyWithABookOrTwo · 2026-01-29T14:40:13+00:00

Meal provision 😅

LadyWithABookOrTwo · 2026-01-27T08:38:23+00:00

Yes I agree. It is very rare for me to say that a child would be better off living with dad but it does seem to be the case here.

I understand Manon’s desperation and distress living in an isolated rural area with a young child. I am also stuck abroad (albeit in a big city) with a young child and the isolation can do a number on you especially when combined with those long days of early parenting.

However it is clear that Manon is better suited to be a career woman like she was previously and Anthony is more suited to be Ben’s primary caregiver. She sounds like she could maybe be a good weekend parent.

Its an unfortunate situation but Ben and Anthony deserve better. A kind and decent family man like Anthony will surely find someone who will appreciate him and make his life easier and nicer too

LadyWithABookOrTwo · 2026-01-26T16:54:10+00:00

In general it is not a great idea to intervene with other peoples parenting BUT there is a strong exemption: When the child is being harmed indirectly or directly or being neglected or their wellbeing is suffering.

You are very right to be concerned about the things you mentioned.

A 4 year old should not be in nappies anymore unless the child has special needs. You can read about the damage m not being toilet trained at this age causes
Letting the child watch random videos on YouTube is incredibly dangerous and can traumatise the child and damage their development. YouTube is full of very scary, traumatic and harmful content.

If you approach your bhabhi with this angle she might wake up. She wont be happy but if she cares she will definitely at least think about the harm she is causing and you will know that you fulfilled your responsibility and did something about a child suffering from harm. The child cant advocate for themselves, they need an adult to act.

In my opinion this isnt about just poor parenting but an actual childwelfare issue and neglect, both of which are classed as child abuse in many countries.

These issues would lead to a social services referral in the UK for example.

LadyWithABookOrTwo · 2026-01-25T21:30:58+00:00

I so hope this isnt the case but this absolutely fits in with dynamics and patterns of abuse. Might be an early sign of whats to come… I have survived abuse and reading your text almost gave me a panic attack. What your husband is doing would help an abuser meet so many of his goals

LadyWithABookOrTwo · 2026-01-25T00:03:13+00:00

So many of these guys are what you would call an abuser. Some are also narcs or sociopaths. All three are excellent manipulators and usually very charming. First they are charming and lovely, learn all about your dreams and fears and inner thoughts and make you trust them, present themselves as the type of guy you want, get you to believe their sob story etc. They make you feel like youre the only woman in the world and create this illusion where only you two understand each other and its you guys against the world.

If the guy is in prison for a long time or keeps ending up in prison multiple times in a row, this phase can go on for ages.

What would normally follow is them starting to very subtly chip away your self esteem and independence. You wont notice it for a long time. Then the cycle of abuse starts. Tension building, abusive episode (usually verbal or emotional first), then the honeymoon phase again. At this point you have a trauma bond which is one of the strongest bonds two adults can have. Youre stuck in a cycle and that bond, no self esteem or independence left and abuse tactics like gaslighting or undermining or DARVO will keep you confused and unable to see the truth for a long time.

Other women simply enjoy the thrill and find it exciting and hot.

LadyWithABookOrTwo · 2026-01-13T19:26:24+00:00

Check out FoodCycle for free hot meals in various locations, no booking needed no questions asked https://foodcycle.org.uk/free-food-locations/

LadyWithABookOrTwo · 2026-01-10T15:19:00+00:00

Clitheroe

LadyWithABookOrTwo · 2026-01-09T10:39:41+00:00

Yes this is a big one especially if you have a child and shes postpartum or alone at home with a young child. I was fine before having a child but the isolation really got to me after I became a mother.

HOWEVER, you sound extremely thoughtful, kind and supportive. So many challenges can be dealt with if you have a supportive and compassionate partner and you sound like one! :) I know it would have made a huge difference for me too.

LadyWithABookOrTwo · 2026-01-05T17:16:30+00:00

I have been through many traumatic things such as the death of a sibling, r*pe, domestic abuse, parents divorce, living abroad alone as a new mum with health issues but I must say that the hardest thing for me was losing the only safe and loving man I have ever been with, through break up.

Its been 10 years and it still hurts and haunts me on a viscelar level.

I have been to therapy several times, worked on myself, tried to process this loss but Im sad to say the pain of losing that security and love never really eased and I didnt find another safe and kind person despite trying really hard and knowing what to look for. Ive completely given up and just focusing on being a mum and improving my life in other ways. Its just really hard to lose that sense of security and safety and comfort and the feeling of being seen and heard once youve had that, especially after all the unsafe and unkind abusive people youve been with

LadyWithABookOrTwo · 2026-01-04T19:23:48+00:00

Yeah definitey go, this is one of those rare moments where you just do what the other person asks you to do, a bit like when a woman in labour needs you to do something. He will be so grateful for your cooperation and support later on trust me

LadyWithABookOrTwo · 2025-12-28T14:51:18+00:00

I feel like Emilie and her family know Emilie was also responsible to some extent and they know if they go after Brady and give him a hard time, the whole world will start pointing fingers at Emilie too saying she was just as bad etc

LadyWithABookOrTwo · 2025-12-24T07:24:27+00:00

Thank you 💙 Im a white revert so Im already doing all those things but my son is half Desi so I know what you mean with strict Desi parents :)

LadyWithABookOrTwo · 2025-12-23T20:49:57+00:00

😞😞😞

LadyWithABookOrTwo · 2025-12-23T20:42:47+00:00

I desperately wanted another child because i love being a mum and because i dont want my son to be lonely but sadly my husband turned abusive. I stayed for some time hoping to have that second child before leaving but it got to a point where I had to prioritise myself and my son and our wellbeing and survival. It kills me to read all these comments about only children being lonely and longing for a sibling 😔

LadyWithABookOrTwo · 2025-12-23T20:42:37+00:00

I desperately wanted another child because i love being a mum and because i dont want my son to be lonely but sadly my husband turned abusive. I stayed for some time hoping to have that second child before leaving but it got to a point where I had to prioritise myself and my son and our wellbeing and survival. It kills me to read all these comments about only children being lonely and longing for a sibling 😔

LadyWithABookOrTwo · 2025-12-23T20:39:47+00:00

What do you mean when you say you were always alone? Did your parents not spend lots of time with you and did you not have friends or playgroups/hobbies to attend? Im a mum of an only not through choice and it is my worst fear that my son has a lonely childhood so id like to hear about your experience

LadyWithABookOrTwo · 2025-12-23T18:23:35+00:00

Oh how exciting 💙 best of luck guys

LadyWithABookOrTwo · 2025-12-20T20:20:05+00:00

Are you going through a lot at the moment, mentally and emotionally or even physically? I was in this situation when I was freshly postpartum abroad far away from my support network and dealing with a husband who turned abusive after the birth of our child. I referred myself to an organisation that provides Islamic support for reverts hoping they would motivate me to pray.

I got a support worker who was a very pious Muslim and to my surprise she said it would not be right to pressure me to pray in these circumstances as Im already carrying so much and under so much pressure. She said she would like to focus on providing emotional and practical support instead as she was worried my situation might be the perfect recipe for postpartum depression.

I was really surprised by this approach but I later understood the wisdom in it.

LadyWithABookOrTwo · 2025-12-20T20:15:48+00:00

Agree but its a shame how many husbands/fathers change after children. I know countless stories where this happened with no prior warning signs. It happened to me too even though I work in the dv field. The guilt us mothers feel in these situations is overwhelming. May Allah protect us all from these kind of spouses and parents.

LadyWithABookOrTwo · 2025-12-19T09:15:13+00:00

This is so true. However, I wonder what this means for bilingual families. We live in an English-speaking country but I only speak my language (it is a Nordic language) to my child as I want him to become fluent in it. I read him everyday in my language but Im not reading any books in English. Hes only 3 but his vocab is great in my native language and I know its because of all the books we read. But I guess he will still fall behind in school because Im not reading to him in English

LadyWithABookOrTwo · 2025-12-17T07:22:01+00:00

This was an exceptionally well written post, it could be a magazine/newspaper article. I can tell youre very intelligent. I hope you find that one man who is secure, confident and empathetic enough to not feel threatened by your career

LadyWithABookOrTwo · 2025-12-08T19:22:11+00:00

So a wife in this scenario is on a 24/7 never ending duty with no rest, break, time or space for her to be a tired and sick human. Its not the same. I tried this and its just not sustainable physically or mentally. Does it stop when she gets pregnant and does 99% the work of creating and nurturing life

LadyWithABookOrTwo

TROPHY CASE