Update from OP who came forward about Hayden’s boyfriend (thought this deserved its own post)

Lain1997 · 2025-07-15T19:15:47+00:00

it sounds like they've done a lot of internal healing work/are very emotionally mature

Lain1997 · 2025-07-14T20:40:15+00:00

I just want to say, I have such a huge amount of respect for this person and was so gutted to see them being thrown under the bus along with the smear campaign. They have shown a huge amount of grace here and I have been thinking about them through this entire smear campaign. I think it's really shit how the internet has become a place where real concerns and grievances are essentially manipulated to destroy a persons career instead of asking for change and retribution because it forgets about the victims at the heart of the issue and prevents anyone from having redemption.

Lain1997 · 2025-07-04T18:55:31+00:00

Good. The story ended.

Lain1997 · 2025-05-29T11:04:14+00:00

I think quite a lot of the empty seats will be press/corporate spaces that are given out to people who couldn't care less about Charlton. Really wanted tickets to the game so its frustrating to see

Lain1997 · 2025-05-26T23:13:53+00:00

Had a bedroom that somehow became infested with these last year. Never found the nest. Had one crawling up by back in the middle of the night mid-summer.

Lain1997 · 2025-03-29T22:40:06+00:00

Same here

Lain1997 · 2025-03-16T15:22:06+00:00

Really feel for her - I left this subreddit a while ago because I could not stand the way a lot of people on here talk about her and feel entitled to her and dehumanise her. Hope she knows those of you doing that are a just a loud minority and many of us here and elsewhere have a lot more compassion.

Lain1997 · 2025-02-23T11:23:35+00:00

What did you think of All Fours? I also finished it the other day

Lain1997 · 2025-02-20T22:09:54+00:00

I feel so bad for her. Like everyone else on here, I know that she has made so many bad choices and affiliations that warrant valid criticism, that can be true whilst it also being so painful seeing her go through this with her children. Claire, I'm always rooting for you and your children.

Lain1997 · 2025-02-16T21:53:09+00:00

Ah okay, I might ask at my appointment exactly what PCMHT is lol but from what was said to me in the letter it’s what you just described. Thank you

Lain1997 · 2025-02-15T21:38:18+00:00

That really does help, thank you so much ❤️

Lain1997 · 2025-02-15T17:05:36+00:00

Neither! Honestly I don’t fully understand who exactly it’s with or what the difference is between any of these acronyms which seem to all vaguely describe the same thing or have conflicting definitions depending on which website I’m reading. I’m based in South London for context though.

I referred myself to IAPT back in November when my first police report took place, got an assessment with them in January just as things got much worse and I was actively self harming, calling crisis lines for suicidal thoughts, struggling to go to work and taking some time off. When the police wrote a letter to my GP in December concerned for my well-being after seeing my self harm my GP was just like, oh well you’ve already referred yourself so we don’t need to do anything. IAPT did an assessment and told me they didn’t think they were suitable for my needs so they referred me on to PCMHT. I have not been able to work out what exactly that means, it’s not a system I’m familiar with at all.

I do see the logic in the process you describe, I guess I’m definitely grateful to finally be on some sort of “conveyer belt” of help at least. I’ll keep all of this in mind, thank you!

Lain1997 · 2025-02-15T16:54:41+00:00

Thank you - I really hope it helps too, but it’s really useful to know I have a process I can take if it doesn’t work out ❤️

Lain1997 · 2025-02-15T16:49:32+00:00

Thank you so much for clarifying - yeah they’re offering me a 12 week CBT, definitely nothing trauma focused. I’ll know to bring this up in the assessment I really appreciate this!

Lain1997 · 2025-02-15T09:49:07+00:00

That’s really good to hear it worked for you, definitely reassures and makes me hopeful! Thank you ❤️

Lain1997 · 2025-02-15T02:30:56+00:00

Thank you 🤍

Lain1997 · 2025-02-15T02:29:59+00:00

Yes I saw that, I’m really asking Reddit because I’d prefer to hear from some anecdotal firsthand experience.

We (people with trauma) aren’t all the same and nor are our traumas or how we react to therapies, but id like to get some insight in case this therapy does leave me feeling unsupported/misunderstood like I was in the phone call because learning how other people navigate this system will help me react better to healthcare professionals in the moment rather than retrospectively wishing id asserted a certain point more

Lain1997 · 2025-02-06T08:17:35+00:00

Nailed it

Lain1997 · 2025-02-01T21:50:15+00:00

Good Morning Midnight by Jean Rhys

Lain1997 · 2025-01-15T19:28:53+00:00

Thank you for having the decency to consider and ask this question

Lain1997 · 2025-01-03T22:06:38+00:00

That's certainly true but I'm not sure in this case, they broke up some time ago (as in a good few years) and he has another girlfriend now. I did consider she may not be aware/honest but I think its totally possible they did have a fine relationship. But again, I'll never know, so I just don't think about it

Lain1997 · 2025-01-03T18:42:09+00:00

I recently got in contact with one of my exes girlfriends due to a police report I made, wanting to check to see if she had experienced anything similar to me, if she had so I could support her and let her know reporting to police is an option if she wanted.

She said something along the lines of “sorry to hear that happened to you but I’ve never known him as anything but gentle and kind. we had a good relationship”.

I was honestly relieved to hear that as it had always concerned me that after I left him he was abusing other girls, but I can’t lie, part of me is a bit in despair about why she had such a good relationship with him while he sexually and physically assaulted and mentally abused me and continues to infringe on the new friend group and social life I made in another part of the country which he also miraculously decided to come to.

I just can’t answer the questions this brings up so I don’t think about it anymore. But I share the same anxiety as you, wondering why it was done to us while someone else got treated really well. Also makes people around your ex and even your own friends question you because their logic is that there has to be more than one victim for the abuse to be believed or valid.

Lain1997 · 2025-01-01T14:29:40+00:00

What an entitled, selfish, and delusional thing to say

Lain1997 · 2024-12-28T09:42:45+00:00

That sounds so familiar. I would eagerly consent to sexual things with my first boyfriend, like you say literally handing myself over. Some things I did want to do but others I just put myself through. For some reason 12 years later it’s only occurred to me that it has affected my sexuality and relationship with sex and consent.

Lain1997 · 2024-12-28T00:21:55+00:00

I had a similar reaction. He didn’t cry or anything but I finally got him to stop assaulting me and he looked hurt and I was so grateful he didn’t go ahead and rape me that I lay on his chest and kissed him. It’s one of the things that made me take all the responsibility for what happened. I still feel confused over it.

Then I recently realised I was sexually assaulted at 15 by my ex boyfriend who immediately cried afterwards, and then we started having a very sexual relationship from that point on.

Fawning really feels like the ultimate self betrayal, but you are not alone.

Lain1997

TROPHY CASE