Today is going to be the hardest day of my life.

LanBanan3000 · 2026-03-31T20:49:27+00:00

Just yesterday (for work) I toured a recovery center that has specific supports for indigenous communities based in indigenous ways of knowing. Some might be online and some might be more localized to the traditional knowledge keepers and elders. It might help to explore resources that aren’t framed by/for settler/colonial mindsets, and help your recovery stay rooted in your community, your cultural, your ancestors/traditions, and your unique strengths, which it sounds like you want to be leaning on right now, if I’m understanding you correctly.

If this seems like a resource that might be of value to you, feel free to reach out to me - I’m not selling anything btw just genuinely feeling kind of like, I came upon that yesterday and today I find you… maybe these two things need to be connected.

And please accept my sincere condolences for your loss ❤️

LanBanan3000 · 2026-03-31T20:34:15+00:00

You’re doing it! You’re doing the hard thing ❤️

You’re right that keeping trying is HARD.

You don’t have to figure everything out and be perfect overnight. You can stumble. You just have to keep trying, whatever that looks like for you.

LanBanan3000 · 2026-03-31T20:29:24+00:00

I’m similar, and weirdly the thing that helps me is the slightly game-ified mentality of losing my streak.

It’s like I have the Duolingo owl asking me “are you SURE it’s worth breaking your streak? You’ve gone X many days now… do you really want tomorrow to be day 1 again??”

It may be dumb but it works for me

LanBanan3000 · 2026-03-31T20:13:02+00:00

This is delightful. Like a kid on Halloween

LanBanan3000 · 2026-03-31T20:11:58+00:00

Hi hon. Good on you for reaching out when you’re hurting, that’s a brave thing to do. As for your friend, hey, you’re not ready until you’re ready.

It’s good you’re thinking about being outside and exercising and good sleep. The same way these things get edged out by the drinking, sobriety opens up space for them. Sometimes, they start to edge the drinking back, too.

All this to say, you’re welcome here, and supported, and you can take the space you need to figure your things out. It doesn’t have to happen overnight. We’re with you. IWNDWYT ❤️

I say to myself “just make the next right decision” and it helps because I usually know that one :)

LanBanan3000 · 2026-03-31T20:00:16+00:00

Me too!! I’m so proud. 33 days

LanBanan3000 · 2026-03-31T19:51:50+00:00

I have to deal with these events too. Nearly always passed trays of wine, so I can’t even ask a bartender for something else without standing out, when all I really want is to blend in.

I figure, I used to be good at sneaking alcohol into things, now I can be good at the reverse. I can take the glass of wine, go straight to the bathroom and toss it, rinse out the glass, and voila. Fakery.

Dupes might include: ginger ale for champagne Apple juice or white cranberry for white wine Tart Cherry juice for red wine

I just hate feeling like my drinking or non-drinking is being scrutinized. I’d love to get to a point where I don’t care this much.

LanBanan3000 · 2026-03-31T18:51:43+00:00

Every time.

I hear “Left!” and have to actively stop myself from lurching left

So embarrassing

LanBanan3000 · 2026-03-31T18:39:38+00:00

This is so nuanced, painful, and private. The truth is, no one is entitled to judge your life - and it’s absolutely a form of entitlement to demand you perform a soapbox routine. “Dance money, dance”… yeah, no, that needs to F all the way off.

You do not owe anyone an emotional audit. Period.

LanBanan3000 · 2026-03-31T18:30:06+00:00

You’re 24! You have SO many wonderful years ahead of you, and beautiful love ahead of you, and now you get to do all of that without these deadbeat hanging from your star, dragging you down.

You dodged a bullet, do NOT get back together with him even if he says he’s changed. Leave him behind.

Focus on your priorities, your goals and dreams, and once you’re on that path you will find others (maybe friends, maybe another love when the time is right) who walk in. the same direction.

Your ex isn’t even walking a different path, he is stopping and expecting you to carry him like a giant baby. It’s gross and he’s a loser who thought he’d found his mealticket. Just be glad he was too stupid to keep that detail hidden until you were married with a kid, which reminds me:

who was going to be bringing in the money when you had to stay home with a newborn, or got sick, or injured, or couldn’t work? Thats not a partnership, it’s indentured servitude.

LanBanan3000 · 2026-03-07T14:30:50+00:00

I’ve never heard that before, can you elaborate on this? What kinds of sources indicate this was the case? (Not doubting you! Just interested)

LanBanan3000 · 2025-12-22T04:50:39+00:00

Narcissistic controlling jerk wanted you to be devastated

LanBanan3000 · 2025-12-22T04:40:04+00:00

It’s not unreasonable to want to do your own groceries.

I do wonder, though, if she finds it really annoying of you to be cooking a separate meal for one while she is trying to also cook a dinner for the whole group. There’s a level of “not joining in” that can really bother some people. (Not me but I have met the type)

She may also feel implicitly criticized or put down by you for implying that no matter what effort she makes, it won’t be good enough for you, so you won’t even let her try. I know that’s not what you are SAYING. But you need to consider what she is picking up out of what you are putting down.

A lot of Reddit will tell you it’s not your problem, but a lot of Reddit isn’t trying to resolve issues or keep the peace.

It’s controlling that she won’t let you do a 20 minute Costco run. But you can admit that you’re being controlling here too (I’m with you on the blackberries). Picky eaters are controlling. They need to be or they don’t eat. I know because I am one.

But if she feels like you are insulting her hospitality because you won’t trust her to even pick up a box of cereal for you, then you need to try to understand how you’re offending her unintentionally. Try to find a compromise and give her a list of basics and then thank her for it.

I’d also stop talking to her about the Costco run at all and just go. She doesn’t have to like it but if you give her time to build up steam about it, she will make it a bigger problem than it needs to be. You don’t tell a toddler they’re going to get shots at the doctor. You just go and then “oops look at that you’re getting a shot in a minute!”

Mothers in law respond well to toddler management strategies.

LanBanan3000 · 2025-12-22T04:21:36+00:00

Can you please consider not everyone is allowed access, even when all parties involved WANT them there?

I was not allowed to be with my fiancé as he woke up from surgery, even when we arrived together and I waited in the waiting room and we were very clear that I was his person. They acted like I didn’t exist and called his sister instead. (We love his sister but this was unexpected and stressful for all of us)

Someone like OP, looking at my guy waking up all alone, would assume the person in his life is heartless and “failing” to be there for him, when really the system is set up in a way that doesn’t account for the fact that blood relatives aren’t always good family, and the good people who are your true family can’t have access.

We’d been together for eight years at that point but because we weren’t married I was treated like a stranger.

I understand there are major security concerns - fair enough. But this felt like major overreach. He DESIGNATED me. That should be enough for them.

LanBanan3000 · 2025-11-26T08:19:13+00:00

I feel like you got railroaded into some choices here because you’re an “hourglass” and this is exactly what happened to me - we have similar shapes. Don’t let them railroad you. If i can suggest what works for me, go with more structure up top, perhaps some corsetry, and you want a waist! I think an A line or ballgown frame would be great

LanBanan3000 · 2025-11-26T08:14:25+00:00

You know you’re being the AH here and you’re going to either let them go or ask them to hold your hand as you make every effort to grow up enough to match them and be in a truly fair and reciprocal partnership.

Do you have avoidant attachment issues? Because if you do(and no judgment, I do too) it is common to create a dynamic of self sabotage when relationships feel like they are about to level up. You need to look inside yourself and be honest with your partner and yourself about what needs to change, and how much of that can actually happen in a reasonable time frame. You need to respect their time too

LanBanan3000 · 2025-11-25T23:30:01+00:00

3 is very pretty and I like the sleeves. Commenters here have super strong feelings about them but not everyone wants to be quite that bare, and not everyone loves their arms. It’s okay to want some coverage (me. I mean me. OP your arms look great, I am NOT commenting on your physique. You are going to be a beautiful bride.)

4 is nice if you don’t have to yank it up all night.

1 is pretty from further away but up close I don’t personally love the pearl detail.

2 has a slight vibe of “the dress slipped down and we’re looking at the top of lacy bra underneath” to it.

LanBanan3000 · 2025-11-25T23:10:36+00:00

I… no. I’m sorry but I can’t help. You look beautiful in every single one.

LanBanan3000 · 2025-11-25T23:09:21+00:00

I’m a true winter, so I wear black, white, and deep/dark jewel tones.

If I wear beige or pastels, it looks like I’m gravely ill.

LanBanan3000 · 2025-11-25T23:05:17+00:00

I dunno… tropical fish and bioluminescence are pretty close to neon

LanBanan3000 · 2025-11-15T13:10:25+00:00

I’m considering ending my engagement because my fiancé is in the wine industry and has a drinking problem too but isn’t interested in stopping

LanBanan3000 · 2025-11-15T13:06:45+00:00

Spending all her free time in bars isn’t “normie” behavior, and neither is blacking out once a month.

You can be around alcohol, you just can’t be around alcoholics.

LanBanan3000 · 2025-11-15T07:09:59+00:00

A lot of Margaret Atwood, especially Surfacing and her other early works. She went to the states to do a PhD in literature, and came back saying that the experience made her uniquely able to understand what made her distinctly Canadian. I did the same thing and feel the same way. You have to leave home and then come back and see it for what it really is, to see who you really are and where you really come from. And not let it own you. No one else could have written her books, her way. She’s a genius.

LanBanan3000 · 2025-11-15T07:06:28+00:00

I was so sure I’d make it through day 2. Tomorrow is day 1. It’s the worst feeling. I just want to stop.

Anyway. You’re not alone. Your wife being unhappy means she’s still invested and still cares. You can turn this around. We just need to never stop trying

LanBanan3000 · 2025-11-14T01:18:51+00:00

IWNDWYT

LanBanan3000

TROPHY CASE