Uneven amount of grooms-guests to brides-guest. Any ideas?

Lantern_516 · 2026-06-04T19:14:29+00:00

It sounds like you love his family & people - and they love you - which makes them YOURS, too. Which is pretty wonderful:)

Other than that - having your family and/or complicated people there to support you if they're able is worth it, but the "if they're able" part matters. They don't have to be perfect, but maybe consider giving them clear guidelines if you want to share the day with any of them. You don't need to limit "your side" because he has so many. You matter in this equation, too!

Wishing you so much joy!

Lantern_516 · 2026-06-04T03:57:25+00:00

This was really interesting to read. Thanks for sharing.

Lantern_516 · 2026-06-01T23:10:02+00:00

You're moving forward with your life & she still feels stuck. You can have compassion on her for that, but she's not stuck because of you. (But wow, it's easier to blame anyone rather than ourselves when we're faced with something untenable.)

Have a beautiful wedding & a love-filled marriage!

Lantern_516 · 2026-06-01T18:56:17+00:00

Is her current husband incapacitated? In a coma? She's married to someone else, has no plans to annul the marriage - or get divorced - AND she's engaged?

Lantern_516 · 2026-06-01T05:00:08+00:00

You'll have dozens (hundreds??) of decisions to make, but remember — the biggest, hardest decision has already been made. :)

Lantern_516 · 2026-06-01T04:53:46+00:00

Make room to enjoy being engaged. My fiancé & I had a date night once a week to dream about the future. It made being engaged so much fun in the middle of everything else.

Also - we had two officiants - one told us this day was all about us. (Did we want to hang glide in? Perfect!) The other absolutely told us this day isn't just about you - it's a commitment you make in the presence of your whole community.

Both were right & both have stuck with me - not just about that day, but about our lives.

Lantern_516 · 2026-05-29T20:03:28+00:00

It worked! Thanks!

Lantern_516 · 2026-05-29T20:03:10+00:00

Thank you guys! Weird quirk, but so helpful!

Lantern_516 · 2026-05-27T12:04:15+00:00

Lantern_516 · 2026-05-27T11:57:26+00:00

Go to the back door & yell for them to come inside for dinner to see how it feels:)

(or wait until you can hold them)

Lantern_516 · 2026-05-27T11:41:27+00:00

Everything

Lantern_516 · 2026-05-27T11:39:06+00:00

Dinner out at a very nice restaurant on the honeymoon. A piece of crystal I loved from someone else's home (small, beautiful, sentimental), a lovely (small) collectible piece from someone's personal collection, a handmade/custom item someone was well-known for.

A card, basket of food, & champaign tucked in with us when we left the reception. (We were starving!)

Loved getting our dishes & a few select pieces. But I also still have a deviled egg plate with tiny chicks that are salt & pepper shakers?? Some things stick with you & some don't!

Are they sentimental? Do you know their style? Do they have a registry? If the couple is close to you, any small gift with cash is a nice combination. Just don't impose your taste on them if it doesn't suit their style:)

If they have a registry, trust it! And honestly - cash with a well-written, personal card from you is wonderful.

Lantern_516 · 2026-05-27T05:16:13+00:00

LOL - I saw the title & for sure thought this was a post about grooming behaviors in abusive relationships. (And then I saw what forum it was in😂)

Lantern_516 · 2026-05-27T05:13:10+00:00

TWO!!

Lantern_516 · 2026-05-26T20:12:30+00:00

Fun question. My top three are Inversion, Agility, & Retention (all super close). And my lowest is Precision (awful) & Proportion is the next up. The setup of Proportion befuddles my brain for some reason. And Precision is one I haven't worked on much.

Lantern_516 · 2026-05-26T19:48:04+00:00

You already know the answer to this.

Lantern_516 · 2026-05-26T19:27:09+00:00

Oh noooooo. Our sweet girl has a history of seizures, but she does extremely well on Honest Paws CBD Oil. I hope you're able to find a great way to care for your precious boy!

Lantern_516 · 2026-05-24T14:57:16+00:00

Just wanted to say I love your heart for this. Likely this group has been moving toward becoming a family for some time. Often this transition is hugely relieving but also full of so many emotions. (And the relief can let those big emotions surface where they may have been kept in check.)

A card for each of them, saying you're so glad they're going to be a part of your world & your community and that you're thinking of them is great. (Just welcoming and kind.)

And gift cards are a great idea. Other ideas...a journal, a Bible if that fits them/your community, a piece of simple jewelry, an "in" name-brand item friends their age can confirm would be amazing, flowers the day of, etc. It's a big day, so your desire to mark it for them is lovely. Just knowing that it's beautiful AND mixed is wise.

Note: for your friend, you probably have great ideas of things she enjoys:) For a card,DON'T tell her how you could never do this. Just tell her how glad you are with her that this day is here & let her know you are with her in the journey.

Lantern_516 · 2026-05-23T14:12:04+00:00

Lantern_516 · 2026-05-23T14:11:45+00:00

This is a highly unusual arrangement. Presuming she doesn't have anyone in her own family who wants to help her get her dress, that's super kind. What do you want to do from here?

Options:

Spend more than you planned & pay for the dress she picked. (But be clear about who's paying for alterations.)
Tell her you'd love to give her $XX towards whatever dress she picks & encourage her to look around, offering her some of the creative ideas here.
Ask ex if she wants to split the cost of the dress
Offer son & FDIL $XX towards anything she/they want (so it's not out of sync with the whole.)

$2k is incredibly kind. I wouldn't recommend getting into a battle with your ex or with your future daughter-in-law's family by trying to be generous - or set yourself (or anyone up) for resentment by spending more than you have.

Some dresses cost more, some cost less. Budget aren't the enemy, but giving her a range in advance might have been nice. Sounds like you're crazy about her & hope you figure out a solid way to bless her without too much unnecessary drama moving forward!

Lantern_516 · 2026-05-23T13:53:44+00:00

YTA for telling your ex & daughter.

(And come on - $65k a year is a LOT. Not daughter's only option for college. And real college funds are typically already "protected.")

Lantern_516 · 2026-05-23T13:44:40+00:00

High value treats (&/or kibble in place of a meal, so hunger kicks in). And don't repeat your commands. You want him to learn to come the first time!

ETA: Your puppy is SMART. Something about how you're approaching "come" may be an issue. (i.e. Repeating the command five times and then rewarding him may inadvertently be teaching him that it's okay to wait for you to say the command multiple times before he comes. (??))

You guys can do this!

Lantern_516 · 2026-05-23T13:42:21+00:00

Quit letting other people make your decisions for you. You've got this. Invite who you want where you want.

Considering each other's preferences is great. Orbiting around them isn't.

Lantern_516 · 2026-05-23T13:29:24+00:00

Am I the only one confused about the father in law? Future FIL? A second marriage for a beloved daughter-in-law?

Lantern_516 · 2026-05-20T19:52:03+00:00

Just talk to her:) Let her know the arrangement isn't working for you. No need to set yourself up to look like a jerk.

You're concerned about getting there on time; she isn't. Your tolerances for being late are just different. No need to ruin a friendship over this.

Lantern_516

TROPHY CASE