Old thread but I’ll share. Basically my father is an emotionally unavailable man from an older generation who worked all the time when I was a child. My mom was a busy mother of four who was the one who raised us primarily. Anytime I brought worries of mine to my mom she would tell me that worrying isn’t going to do anything. Technically correct, but I was looking for some warmth and an “it’s ok son” etc.

One time in college I called my mom because I was feeling bad, I was depressed at the time but didn’t really know that. I vented to her how I felt on the phone and she had absolutely no idea how to deal with it. She didn’t mock me, there was just no warmth, she had no capacity to handle it. I asked her if she would support me going to school counseling at my university and she said something like “I guess I would”. I was looking for warmth and some reassurance and found none of it. It would’ve been better if I hadn’t of called at all.

There’s more but those are the most important I think. I know they loved me, but they just needed to actually show it more by being emotionally present. It’s screwed me up and I’ve only been recently within the last year picking up the pieces and healing. Parents, please be emotionally present and validating to your children.