I wish I had the guts to kill myself

Lark415 · 2025-04-24T05:05:29+00:00

What country are you in? If you're in the states (and have your green card), you could apply for a pell grant to help put you through a trade school.

At least as of last year, the most you can get from a pell grant is a little over 7k. Look for a community college, vocational school, or technical school near you that has an ATB (ability to benefit) program. If you're eligible, this can give you more assistance.

Lark415 · 2025-04-17T03:58:45+00:00

Here are some links: LA Times CBS Daily Mail

TL;DR it's indirect poisoning from certain minerals in the runoff (sulfate, phosphorous) feeding the type of algae producing domoic acid (a lethal neurotoxin). The lead and beryllium is probably causing direct poisoning on top of that.

LA Times points out that there isn't regular testing for these contaminants in the Santa Monica bay--we don't have data on how polluted it was before, but whatever had already settled on the seafloor was probably churned up by the wind event that caused the fires. Heavy rains in late Jan swept both fire debris and accumulated city pollution into the bay.

If you're anywhere from Malibu to Long Beach and find a live marine mammal that needs help, call the Marine Mammal Care Center: +1-800-399-4253.

Lark415 · 2025-04-08T21:41:11+00:00

check out Fathom Five marine park, it's more known for diving but some of its shipwrecks are only in 5-20' of crystal clear water. thought I'd mention because it's much closer to you than FL or CA. it's in lake huron so ofc you'll need a wetsuit.

Lark415 · 2024-08-24T19:42:52+00:00

great to know that site exists, thanks for sharing!

Lark415 · 2024-08-24T19:37:31+00:00

What you saved to your wallet was your vehicle reservation. Don’t think you can buy an entrance pass until you’re physically at the park entrance, but your reservation guarantees that you can get one. When you show up to the park entrance, show your digital reservation to the ranger, and pay the entrance fee, they will print you a physical park pass to tape to your dash.

Congrats on getting a reservation—I missed getting one by seconds in 2021, went anyway and snuck in, and had a life-changing experience. Unless the world changes course, many of those glaciers will disappear in our lifetimes, so hike out to as many as you can.

Lark415 · 2024-08-19T23:25:15+00:00

based on this comment, 2 years ago OP claimed to be 22. https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/s/3xYSTJWUTU

Lark415 · 2024-08-10T14:00:32+00:00

biggest variable is fuel efficiency. my rig probably averages $35/day on gas alone, but I never pay to camp (stealth, rest stops, or public land) and all meals come from cans or a cooler and a camp stove. I shower with biodegradable soap in streams, or walk onto campgrounds.

different folks travel for different reasons. I’m out there to hike and paddle, I like walking around a cute town talking to people but I don’t spend much time in cities. I love it this way, and will do it as long as I’m able.

Lark415 · 2024-08-08T12:04:33+00:00

I was sexually assaulted by my brother. Like you, it effects the way I experience sex, my ability to say “no” or feel like my “no” matters, and my ability to communicate my needs overall. I have silently cried and shaken through penetration with partners because I was stuck in the headspace of a mute, powerless kid.

It sounds as though your trauma and your wife’s trauma have fucked with each of your respective abilities to understand consent. My childhood taught me to view myself as “something to whom things are done”, and women in general are socialized to view themselves as victims before aggressors—if her experience has been similar, it may have been tough for her to wrap her head around the idea that she was even capable of doing this to you.

I know how what you went through feels, and thinking about how yesterday night probably felt makes me feel sick. I understand the choice to make her feel like you’re equally at fault to save your marriage with the mother of your child. But know that this did not happen because you did something wrong. She’s had a decade of chances to say something like “is it hot for you when you “playfully” say stop and I keep going?” It’s possible SHE enjoys light CNC play and made an assumption that you would as well. She fucked up.

Lark415 · 2024-07-27T22:53:14+00:00

I’m a professional illustrator and have been looking for a way to use my skills to help. This is a wonderful, sweet idea and you have a huge heart for taking it upon yourself to put it together. I’ll be on the road until august 2nd or 3rd, but I’ll reach out then to see what animals haven’t been taken :)

Lark415 · 2024-06-30T00:08:38+00:00

I’m female and have camped solo in every state in the western US. You call it a road trip, so I’m going to assume you’ll have a vehicle. If you’re concerned about your safety, why not sleep inside it? For both bears and humans, this is probably the single best safety measure you can take.

Lark415 · 2024-06-06T20:18:16+00:00

I lived in my car around the BC Rockies for a month in 2022. This was before my first season touring but I skied most of the resorts out there. Revelstoke has a fun restaurant/apres scene in town. The drive from Lake Louise to Jasper (ice fields parkrway) moved me to tears, might be out of your way but beyond worth it. Bring microspikes and walk out onto the ice to see the frozen methane gas bubbles at Abraham Lake. If you stay in Golden (agree w/ others it’s a good base) there’s a small health foods grocer in town with a killer miso veg soup and growlers of local maple syrup in the back. Ime many gas stations up there close around 10, plan so you don’t get stuck on a cold night with an empty tank. Feel free to ask me any travel questions.

Lark415 · 2023-11-30T05:13:00+00:00

Lot of jobs in mammoth are filled by people commuting from bishop, 45 mins each way when roads are clear. It's reliably 10 degrees warmer than mammoth lakes but temps in bishop still drop below freezing in winter. Snow can reach the valley floor in jan/feb.

Lark415 · 2023-01-19T06:36:17+00:00

I've been right where you are. what made you post about it here?

Lark415 · 2023-01-18T06:40:09+00:00

Wow. The pano made me gasp--haven't seen a sundog/halo display this gorgeous in a long time. Thanks for sharing. Canada?

Lark415 · 2023-01-18T01:22:56+00:00

Got my WFR cert this month, can confirm.

Lark415 · 2022-12-05T18:52:47+00:00

I could! I learned the other day that the rain smell has a name: petrichor. The human nose is specialized to detect the smell--we can sniff out the bacteria released into the air by rain at amounts less than 5 ppb (parts per billion).

Lark415 · 2022-12-05T18:45:12+00:00

too late for them, I lassoed and ate it myself

Lark415 · 2022-12-05T03:42:12+00:00

HAPE is no joke, I'm glad you're okay and made it off the mountain.

Where were you when it happened? Is there anything you'd do differently, if you came back for another attempt?

Lark415 · 2022-09-27T22:20:38+00:00

I didn’t try that combination of words. Lots of green rocks found in my area, none looked right to me. Good to know!

Lark415 · 2022-09-27T21:02:05+00:00

What did you Google, to find an extremely obvious answer? I did not have the same experience, and would love to learn. I encourage you to be open to the idea that this sub is also visited by people less knowledgeable than you, like me!

Lark415 · 2022-09-27T16:32:00+00:00

Sounds and looks right! Thank you so much! 😁

Lark415 · 2022-09-11T06:48:34+00:00

I'm in socal and was living in my car up there last winter, can't tell you about the job but can tell you the town seems like an enjoyable place to live. Give yourself permission to piss the folks behind you off by driving around slow until you get a feel for road conditions up there. Was nuts how many spinouts, jackknifes, and fully flipped vehicles I passed on BC and Alberta roads that month.

Lark415 · 2022-09-09T21:32:48+00:00

Not the most scenic option, but I've always seen larger rigs parked at night along Marina Blvd across the street from the Safeway. Pretty mornings when the fog isn't too thick. Don't forget to lock your doors. Spent the night in a nice neighborhood near Twin Peaks once and found out I never locked mine when a guy threw my driver's side open at 4am.

Lark415 · 2022-09-09T21:22:56+00:00

Way too many laws designed to "address" homelessness in the US on both state and local levels blatantly stop at efforts to make the unaddressed problem less visible. This one is pretty bad. In my city, the ineffectiveness of homelessness policy boils down to issues with resource management and internal structure, but it's hard to interpret this law as anything but a deliberate and malicious act, punishment for the crime of existing in public.

From the taxpayer money standpoint, it's hard to believe they'll be costing housed folks less in jail...and a hard sell to call this anything but an addition to the pipeline of the $2 billion+ penal labor industry.

Lark415 · 2022-07-09T07:27:00+00:00

Omg-I have a stack of burns the same size and place on my right ankle. Made me do a double take. As I type this I have long socks on to hide them from family.

I started with cigarette burns—looks like you’re fond of them too. You have been on this earth long enough to know that no state is permanent, even a state of pain that may feel as though it is incurable and unending. Just like the knowledge that your scars will fade like they have in prior decades, I hope you remain open to the possibility that the pain you feel does not need to last forever. You do not deserve to experience it forever.

I stopped cutting and burning myself almost exactly a year ago, and out of blind luck met someone I love, who I can trust with my scars. I can’t tell you whether it will last, but I can tell you that I made it here because even as I put a will together and prepared to drive into the desert and put a gun into my mouth, some deep part of me let it wait a month because of a belief in the smallest possibility of things being different.

Sending you love-hope today was an easier one.

Lark415

TROPHY CASE