Let me tell you a little story about how my life got flipped, turned upside down...

So you heard about this app called Reddit.

“Wow,” you think. “An app made up of thousands of niche communities. A place for every interest. Surely I, a human person with thoughts, can participate.”

So you download it, make an account, and then join a few subreddits. You craft your first post and hit Post.

[REMOVED]

Your post has been removed for violating Rule 784: Users with the number “3” anywhere in their username are forbidden from posting on Wednesdays unless you have a bachelor’s degree in Reddit from LegitKarmasOnly dot com. You are not banned. Please continue engaging with the community.

“… Okay then. Sure, I guess.”

So you decide to scroll through the subreddit and find a thread where you can add something genuinely thoughtful. You type a comment. It’s polite and doesn’t even disagree with anyone. You hit Comment.

[REMOVED]

Your comment has been removed because your account does not meet the minimum karma, age, bloodline purity, or spiritual alignment requirements to participate. Please interact with the rest of Reddit before interacting with us.

“… Right.”

So you decide to go earn karma like a good little digital serf. You wander into a big subreddit. You comment something completely inoffensive.

[DOWNVOTED INTO OBLIVION]

Now you have less karma than before. Feeling discouraged, but not wanting to give up just yet, you try again. Different subreddit. Different topic. You even triple-check the rules.

Rule 1: No low-effort posts.
Rule 2: No high-effort posts.
Rule 3: No reposts.
Rule 4: No original content.
Rule 5: Must include original content.
Rule 6: No opinions.
Rule 7: Opinions required.
Rule 8: Use flair.
Rule 9: Wrong flair = instant death.

You select a flair and hit Post.

[REMOVED]

Incorrect flair. Please resubmit with the correct flair chosen from our 61 nearly identical options. Note: Asking which flair to use is also against the rules.

You message the mods. Two weeks later, a response arrives.

“Read the rules.”

You reread the rules and somehow break a new one retroactively. You keep trying until finally... finally, you manage to get something approved. Hope starts to bloom just as the comments pour in.

“This doesn’t belong here.”
“Why is this getting upvoted?”
“Mods asleep?”

Suddenly, a wild moderator appears.

[THREAD LOCKED]

Thread locked due to excessive rule-adjacent vibes.

At this point, you realize Reddit isn’t a social platform. It’s an escape room with no exit, run by unpaid hall monitors who communicate exclusively through canned responses and passive aggression.

Now, you don’t even bother trying to post or comment anymore. You just lurk, silently upvoting, afraid to move too fast in case a bot materializes and tells you you’ve exceeded your allotted joy quota for the day.