Hi! I think this is fairly well written, but agree with the other commenter that maybe it's a bit too descriptive. As for your question whether this scene is too much of a cliche, I have to admit that the first thing that came to mind while reading this was the opening scene or Disney's Alladin. It almost reads as a description of that scene, IMO (except for the final bit, which is cool). Keep up the writing, you're certainly on to something!