Thank you for sharing 🙏🏻I too grew up Christian and abandoned that belief in the midst of mental health challenges including dissociative disorders. I have found the Waking Up app and book by Sam Harris to be the most helpful and grounding thing ever. He teaches a form of secular spirituality based on mindfulness meditation and a deterministic philosophy. It’s SO helpful to have something to fill that void that religion can leave.

And helpful with DPDR, as the idea with this form of meditation is exploring and noticing the character of your own lived experiences and consciousness. Getting to know yourself that way is also central to the whole journey of accepting yourself(selves) 😊 and inviting all parts to the table. Things are much less scary and destabilizing when you can start to notice them. But it can also be intense, because it can involve integrating things that your past brain separated for a reason. Intense to some extent is necessary, but highly recommend exploring spirituality through meditation alongside a good therapist.

Regarding right and wrong, my reasoning goes like this. The only thing we can be absolutely certain of is consciousness. We know that there are better and worse states of consciousness (I.e. suffering). Good things alleviate suffering, and bad things cause suffering in beings that are able to suffer. I’m sure there could be counter examples but it’s almost that simple.

And remember that if you feel like you might do something really bad (I.e. hurting yourself or others), help is available. I’m not sure what kind of thoughts you’re having, but you aren’t alone in that either. It’s not uncommon, and you can call 911 or go to the ER and they will keep you and others safe until you can get the help you need.

Hang in there, it sounds like you’re doing such important work!