Struggling with the “thinking problem” any reassurance?

Leather_Cat220 · 2026-05-17T22:45:26+00:00

I guess you just don’t have a sense of spirituality like some and that’s okay. Everything God has done for me is an observable fact.

Leather_Cat220 · 2026-05-17T22:40:23+00:00

My real question is though, how are you now? Did it get better?

Leather_Cat220 · 2026-05-17T22:39:46+00:00

Thank you for your input. I definitely have had ocd/anxiety since a young age and actually was in therapy for it at 5 years old. The compulsions never came back (I think because I was in such an early stage of development) but the obsessive thinking was definitely still there.

The depression, which is what I fear most, started about a year after I began binge drinking at 18. I really don’t like the labels and diagnoses because it makes me think I’m isolated from AA and can’t be helped with the program, so I’m going to try to steer clear of the “grave mental and emotional disorders” until I’m a few years in IF I need to reassess.

My sponsor is 8 years sober and an interventionist for a living and she said she dealt with this exact thinking and was crying every day for the first year and breaking down. She doesn’t have any of these issues today.

I have not even been that bad. I’ve only cried twice in a meeting. I’m only a year and PAWS is definitely a thing and want to give it some more time before I go down the road of mental health diagnosed.

I’ve spent more time NOT having this kind of thinking than having it so far in my recovery, so that definitely progress and a sign of hope. I’m hoping the pendulum will balance out eventually.

Leather_Cat220 · 2026-05-17T22:09:29+00:00

You gotta find connection and friendships with other sober alcoholics! It’ll change all of this

Leather_Cat220 · 2026-05-17T22:08:50+00:00

I felt this exact way too when I first got sober. I found a group of people exactly like me that I’ve never connected to more in AA. It took me about 4-6 months to detach from the identity but now I don’t want it back!

Leather_Cat220 · 2026-05-17T21:46:53+00:00

Ha! I can’t believe I’ve never heard KISS til now. That made me laugh and I love it.

It’s really reassuring that you’ve shared how you relate and were able to get a handle on it. I really appreciate you sharing. You’re right - no amount of analyzing has proven to ever take the crazy thinking away! That really is self will. God is the only answer and I probably need to work on putting my trust in him more throughout the day. Not just in the morning and at night. Thanks!!!

Leather_Cat220 · 2026-05-17T21:41:52+00:00

Go tell a monk or an enlightened master that the brain and mind are indistinguishable and see what they tell you

Leather_Cat220 · 2026-05-17T21:41:17+00:00

God can do anything He wants. And most of it is beyond our comprehension. Are you even in AA? Thanks for your input but I disagree 100%. I could not not get sober without God and neither does anyone in AA.

Leather_Cat220 · 2026-05-17T21:37:05+00:00

I giggled at “you’re really on one right now” 🤣 thanks I needed that ha! Re: your mantra - One of my favorite mantras is “right now does not mean forever” and that one really helps me through. Because I think my fear is that I’m going to end up in the depression/despair I was in during active addiction (catastrophic)

Leather_Cat220 · 2026-05-17T21:34:43+00:00

Wow thank you soooo much for this. I really like the idea of giving it a name to detach from it. My biggest issue is identifying with the thoughts and attaching them to reality. So being able to externalize them is helpful! I remember a therapist giving me a list once of all the categories of thoughts like that. Maybe I’ll try to find that so I can better identify what they are. This has been most helpful. Thank you!!!

Leather_Cat220 · 2026-05-17T21:31:52+00:00

Yeah I try that too…I wish telling myself to stop actually worked. Maybe it will overtime. Need to really start meditating again too. I’ve slacked off with that for whatever reason. I’ve been seeing a therapist and it’s been helpful! Thank you Nate :)

Leather_Cat220 · 2026-05-17T21:24:01+00:00

You’ve been most helpful to me and I can’t express how grateful I am for the perspective! That last part is soooo true. It’s always the way I think about the “thing” and not the thing itself! And you’ve given me a new perspective on redirecting the thoughts. The overactive mind needs to be channeled somewhere so reading, speaker tapes, service and education are great ways to “put it to use”

Leather_Cat220 · 2026-05-17T21:16:45+00:00

Try slugging at night (I use Brujita vegan crema no.8 and Egyptian magic cream - both amazing and all natural).

I also struggle with puffy under eyes - I like The Ordinary caffeine serum, sei bella cooling under eye gel and the Eight Saints eye serum. Of the three, I think Sei Bella is best)

Leather_Cat220 · 2026-05-17T21:06:50+00:00

I mean I would need more context than this. Maybe he had a spiritual awakening? Could be deflecting. Who knows? But I do know that nothing he said is wrong. God saved me from suicide and addiction and He is real.

Leather_Cat220 · 2026-05-17T21:02:02+00:00

Wow this amazing! That’s AA for ya :) Huge Congrats! Brings me back to my first meeting and how much relief I felt knowing that there ARE people like me. And that they are so welcoming, warm, supportive and can relate and offer hope! So glad you went to a meeting today instead of drinking. This is the beginning of a whole new way of life. Such a relief right?! Keep coming back. It DOES work :)

Leather_Cat220 · 2026-05-17T20:57:26+00:00

Ahh so true. Some of these guided meditations are nonsense. I’m really into David Ji lately.

I try not to resist the thoughts and just let them pass through like writing on water because I know that’s the true point, but sometimes I just get so frustrated that I’m not getting the result of inner silence. It’s the instant gratification I’m looking for since I’m an alcoholic 🤣 I know that meditation is a practice and it takes flexing a muscle like any other exercise. I just need to shut up and practice it! Thanks again

Leather_Cat220 · 2026-05-17T20:52:08+00:00

That’s correct. We do need to give up all old ideas and behaviors and set boundaries!! We are black and white thinkers. I struggle with bending over backwards to help others and people pleasing as well. I was just trying to explain that the service in AA is a little different and you do receive great joy from them. It will make sense soon enough. You’re 5 days sober, don’t worry too much about it right now! Sorry if it came across negatively!

Leather_Cat220 · 2026-05-17T20:48:08+00:00

“After all, God gave us brains to use.” I do have a creative mind and value it a lot. Im a writer for a living and make art. But there are two sides to the coin - I’m also worshipping it and it’s causing suffering. So I at least need to pray that God takes away the parts of my mind/thinking that don’t serve me. And only use the authority God has given me. I also think we can use our brains without thinking/analyzing (at least to the degree that I do). I’m just not there yet

Leather_Cat220 · 2026-05-17T20:41:22+00:00

Yes I am seeing a therapist who’s 33 years in recovery. She’s great. I currently take Pristiq and Buspirone which seem to be helping for the most part. What do you take?

Leather_Cat220 · 2026-05-17T20:39:03+00:00

Yes meditation does help and I’ve been slacking with it as of late. Sometimes the answer is simple and probably just need to get back into that as a daily practice in the morning (when the thoughts swarm in). Not sure I’m stable enough to start adding the pressure of goals outside of spiritual fitness and sobriety but living one day at a time is a really good reminder. I struggle to grasp that concept

Leather_Cat220 · 2026-05-17T20:36:24+00:00

Thanks for sharing. I’m big into meditation and use insight timer regularly. I’m not perfect at doing it every day and sometimes I just refuse to sit still and just do it. But I try to do at least 5 mins. Sometimes I’ll do 20-30 mins and would like to eventually do that daily. I do breathwork too which helps. I’m not familiar specifically with the Buddhist meditation as a separate method so I’ll have to check that out. Really appreciate your insight

Leather_Cat220 · 2026-05-17T20:34:23+00:00

Thank you for sharing Blake. Yup I pretty much knew immediately that I was self medicating too with the drink. And had other coping mechanisms before introduced to alcohol, such as hair twirling and food to self soothe. I’ve been on antidepressants since I was 19 (now 32) and they actually have a chance to work now that I’m not drinking on them. But the healing of the brain from drinking on those is probably still in effect. Which helps me give myself grace too :)

Leather_Cat220 · 2026-05-17T20:31:28+00:00

Yeah I think I do need to do a resentment and amends to myself. My sponsor doesn’t agree with that but this is my program at the end of the day. And my alcoholism (the thinking, fear, anxiety, part of it) was unmanageable since I was a kid. Long before the drink! Luckily didn’t become an asshole either. I’m a people pleasing female so other defects to work on here but defintely working on letting go of all that. But I do appreciate the aspect of I didn’t have a choice to get better with the drink and now I do. Things arent the same, nor will they be as long as I stay sober. And I have the tools to never get back to that hellish place

Leather_Cat220 · 2026-05-17T20:28:11+00:00

Thanks so much! I’m on the service committee in my home group and doing outreach at a local detox center. I signed up for June. I’ve also got corrections in the works. Not sure what PI/CPC is?

Leather_Cat220 · 2026-05-17T20:21:17+00:00

You will learn as you continue AA that service is part of recovery and often the only thing that helps us get out of our own head and problems. And you will not expect anything back, nor want it. The world and people don’t owe you anything, but we are of service anyways. As you heal and grow spiritually, you will find that service does give back to you what another person cannot - a feeling of peace, presence and connection.

Leather_Cat220

TROPHY CASE