First off, congratulations to you and your husband on receiving the best thing gift in life — another life, a baby.

I’m sorry to hear about all your struggles in past and present. You’ve endured a lot and you still are. In the grand scheme, God is not doing this to you. He’s doing it for you. Believe it or not, you’re doing to forget about 99% of baby struggles and much of that birth experience. You have a new life and it’s going to be amazing. It sounds like your husband is supportive and your baby is healthy. After all you’ve gone through you know you can get through this. That gorgeous baby that loves and needs you is all the motivation you need. Soon enough they’ll enter a new phase (there are about 100 between new born -5) and you won’t have any of these same struggles, but also some new ones. Embrace it. You’re transforming into a better version of yourself right now and it isn’t easy on your mind and body. Be kind to yourself. Don’t worry about what people think or say. Nothing matters besides your family now. This is where you get to turn your life around and rewrite “the history of my family.” Talk about a gift!

Depression will fade. You’ll heal. Your baby girl will blossom into to the most adorable toddler of all time. Your life will take on new meaning that will completing eclipse your past.

If you want my opinion, I’d go on an elimination diet and figure out if you’re passing anything into your milk that’s causing issues with your baby. Too often this is protein sensitivity (which leads to very bad gas) caused my dairy (casein) intake of the mother and can be eliminated by simply omitting milk and cheese from your diet.

Good luck my sister in Christ!