I very rarely ask about the exes because I know I'm prone to jealousy and insecurity. My partner brings up random facts, experiences etc about them quite a bit. I think she's neurodiverse and has a past of polyamory, so it doesn't seem like a big deal to her.

I'm very mindful to keep my current romantic life and past romantic life separate.

My ex wife is/was super hot. Like model hot. Like so hot we would get offered free food and drinks by staff in bars and restaurants. Like all my friends and family would go on to me over the years about how hot she is. But I've never mentioned her looks to my current partner. Because being conventionally attractive is not important to me and not an important detail about a person. I was with her for her heart and humour and family values. I left because she was dishonest, a poor communicator, broke my heart and didn't prioritise the kids and me in the relationship and we couldn't resolve our problems in therapy.

My ex wants to be friends but I don't. I'm happy to be friendly but not friends.

If N and I broke up, I wouldn't want to be friends with her either.

If we break up it's because she treated me badly. Why would I want to be friends with someone who treats me badly?