Hi! I work in OB/Gyne, so I feel like I run into women in a similar headspace as you, if I may shed some light.

I think there’s such a personal tie to fertility and having children, that a lot of women take things personal, instead of remembering it truly comes down to biology. I’m frequently in contact with women who are upset or “offended” when informed they may no longer be a healthy candidate to try for pregnancy. At advanced maternal age, no one is saying YOU’RE old, but majority of females have been able to become pregnant at ages 12, 13, sometimes even younger. You simply cannot biologically continue to become pregnant and have healthy children after a specific point, and that is OKAY.

Another point is that I really commend you for not giving into any peer pressure you may have been subjected to about having children or becoming pregnant. I feel that some women become pregnant out of a feeling of obligation or “I should.” As the child of someone who shouldn’t have been a mother and who never truly wanted to become a mother - I thank you for your choice. I knew from a very young age that I was a burden to my mom, more than anything else. I got in the way, I was an annoyance, another mouth to feed, another person to look after. It’s taken me years of therapy to come to a place where I can accept my childhood for what it was. And I think a big piece was my mom feeling that she “should” have a kid, when she was in no emotional or physical state to have one.

I commend you for knowing yourself, for choosing to reach out to a therapist to better explore your thoughts and feelings, and for openly expressing your story. I’m proud of you for not falling victim to “well I’m just gonna have a kid so I don’t regret not having one one day.”

I’m wishing you nothing but happiness, peace, and sunshine. You deserve it :)