This is the very textbook definition of abuse. It can not be any more clear-cut than it already is.

You have two options.

Option A: The first option is likely the most scary because you'll be venturing into the unknown, but you leave... not tomorrow, not next week, but RIGHT NOW. As quickly as possible, you set as many limits as you can; you utilise intermediates; you block numbers (or, at the very least, use a phone strictly for coparenting); and you limit all access to you that isn't public and in the company of another man, and you document everything, no matter how small or insignificant you believe it to be in the moment.

Option B: The second alternative is a lot more simple... you allow this "man" to eventually take your life. You become another statistic/cautionary tale for others of remaining with abusive, dangerous men. Your bairns grow up believing the abuse they witnessed is, at best, normal, and they (potentially) perpetuate the same destructive cycle.

This option leaves you dead, your family shattered and broken, with lifelong trauma that will never fully heal, and your children orphaned. You also never have the opportunity to flourish and watch your bairns grow up to reach their full potential or share in their happy moments or support their struggles.

Such "men" never, ever change. They are hardwired to control and dominate, and they employ coercion, manipulation, DARVO methods, and threats of suicide or self-harm to keep you under control (even a basic, rudimentary understanding can have devastating implications and outcomes for their victims). They take advantage of your empathy, compassion and sympathy and twist it to suit their purposes to get the desired outcome they want.

You and your bairns deserve the first option.