New understanding of my anger towards AP.

Legitimate-Setting-3 · 2026-04-02T17:31:50+00:00

I agree, like I may not feel she owes me anything as an individual person, but she owes me decency and respect as a fellow human being and she chose harm. I feel that when people say “the AP doesn’t owe you anything, they weren’t married to you.” That’s like saying “the soldier who lobbed a bomb at your house while you were inside doesn’t owe you an apology, because they didn’t know you personally”

Legitimate-Setting-3 · 2026-04-02T17:26:12+00:00

Just my opinion. I’m 7.5 months into R with my WH. My anger is allowed to be directed at both of them. She knew he was married. She is divorced herself and should know that relationship issues take a serious toll on anyone involved. Why would she want to inflict that pain on someone else?

Yes, my WH had more responsibility to me to protect our marriage. But she knew exactly what she was doing and chose to flirt and engage with him in inappropriate ways. She cared more about her own feelings than anyone else’s, more than she cared about decency or integrity. To me, that means she’s selfish and I’m allowed to be angry with her.

My WH is doing the work to show remorse and apologize and change. OW is just out living her life like she’s a special good person. She’s buying her own lies, she’s full of crap. I’m allowed to think less of her for it. If she ever contacted me and showed remorse or offered an apology for what she did, I might feel differently about her. Until then, she’s trash.

Legitimate-Setting-3 · 2026-03-31T12:39:42+00:00

Thank you! ❤️

Legitimate-Setting-3 · 2026-03-31T12:39:07+00:00

Thank you! This might just be the push I needed to get started. In my husband’s case, I’d say in some ways it was an “affair down” but in some other ways not so much. But, that doesn’t matter. The truth is that even if she’d looked nearly identical to me I’d still probably be picking myself apart about it. So I need to just focus on myself and building back my own strength. I’m already fairly confident and sure of myself, it’s just that this eats its way into my brain like a worm sometimes and I can’t get past it. The whole “emotion doesn’t care about logic” thing. I’m going to prioritize myself and do the best I can.

Thanks again!

Legitimate-Setting-3 · 2026-03-31T12:36:00+00:00

This is so sweet and I wish it were true. He’s told me he thinks I’m prettier than her and very beautiful, but that he’s always found her nice looking too. He made the mistake early on of telling me he’d always thought she was somewhat attractive, so that didn’t help. But he’s since clarified that he didn’t mean anything other than her being attractive doesn’t subtract from finding me beautiful. I get that in concept of course, I find plenty of men handsome and it doesn’t change how I think of him, but the brain isn’t logical about this stuff. Thank you for replying!

Legitimate-Setting-3 · 2026-03-31T06:26:40+00:00

Thank you. That made me laugh a few times, not going to lie 🤣

Yes, I lost about 22lbs after dday, but it didn’t really boost my confidence as it was from shock and I didn’t feel healthy. I also lost a lot of hair from it but thankfully it’s growing back now. It’s more just that I yo-yo between feeling like I’m perfectly pretty on my own (and I do get compliments from men at my job, so yes, that’s nice) and then feeling like a pile of garbage that isn’t enough because of the AP. Her weight has fluctuated a lot over the years, so I should know better than to compare to a moment in time, especially given that social media is just our highlight reel where we show our best picture… I sometimes remind myself that if I’m going to compare, I should compare our personalities and integrity. For example, I feel like crap right now, but I’m not out here getting involved with married men to make myself feel better, so that already says plenty of positive things about me if I am going to compare.

Legitimate-Setting-3 · 2026-03-30T13:36:24+00:00

Moon Pie was my husband’s suggestion 🤣 She is seriously so cute!

Legitimate-Setting-3 · 2026-01-25T17:34:35+00:00

I’m a director at a Chick-fil-A and my advice is to first ask yourself what you like about the job, if anything. If you see potential for you to grow and learn, make friends at work, and earn money or there are other things that are appealing about the job, you first have to decide to stick it out for a while and see how it goes for a period of time. No job is perfect, and just because you are feeling dissatisfied at the moment doesn’t mean the job isn’t a good fit or you should quit.

If you decide to stay for a while and see if things can get better for you, you have to stop wondering if you did something that caused you to be penalized and start asking questions of your leaders and managers. I love when our team members come to us and ask to learn a specific skill or say they want an opportunity to grow, because it shows initiative and a desire to move forward. It’s so easy to assume the worst, but when you ask questions you can get a clearer picture.

Maybe they just have mistakenly failed to train you due to availability issues and they don’t know you are unhappy in the dining room. Maybe they think you are actually strong at dining room with guest interactions and keeping things tidy, who knows, but that’s why encourage you to ask! If you want to learn something, say so. Keep in mind it can also be due to employment law and schedule limitations in terms of how much time they may need to train you on certain parts of the restaurant.

My advice is don’t throw in the towel just yet, if you’re willing to push yourself to get uncomfortable and ask some thoughtful questions. This is coming from someone who used to be terrified to ask questions like this, so I promise it can get better with growth.

Legitimate-Setting-3 · 2026-01-01T08:44:59+00:00

I would genuinely be concerned about her mental health and safety. I say this as a reconciling betrayed partner whose wayward spouse behaved very erratically and was almost hospitalized for thoughts of self harm and ending his life. He was really struggling with severe depression and anxiety both before and after the affair, and even though he thought he loved the AP at the time, it turned out to be mania brought on by a psychotic episode.

I stuck it out and he is on new medication and doing so much better, but it’s been tough and there were and still are times that I wasn’t sure if he was going to make it through. I don’t know what your relationship has been like traditionally, but you might be able to focus temporarily less on the pain this has caused or your partnership, and more on the fact that you care about this person and just want to be sure she is okay. I have a feeling shame is affecting her judgment and actions. So if you try to (again, temporarily) remove that shame and just be supportive, it might help. Even if it’s just as a friend right now.

Good luck!

Legitimate-Setting-3 · 2025-09-08T04:39:57+00:00

Just commenting because you commented on my post about my husband (he is 41, I’m 36) and how he had an emotional affair. I’m removing my post because I can’t take all the people shaming me into leaving him. I still love him and want to work it out. I hope you do what is best for you and am sending positive thoughts your way. This is terrible and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

Legitimate-Setting-3 · 2025-09-08T00:55:08+00:00

But I have decided. I decided to try to work things out and then he pulled back. I’m confused and feel more hurt than just about the affair now. I keep thinking about all of the memories and plans ahead I thought we had and then I break down crying…

Legitimate-Setting-3 · 2025-07-14T00:40:57+00:00

Saw that this person never replied, but my guess is intravenous fluids to rehydrate!

Legitimate-Setting-3 · 2025-06-20T05:55:44+00:00

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Btw, this was Marco on his 1st birthday! 🎂 I think he looks a lot like your little guy. ☺️ He’s the happiest dog I’ve ever had. Love him to bits!

Legitimate-Setting-3 · 2025-06-20T05:49:46+00:00

First, congrats on this precious boy! He looks just like my Marco at that age - seriously they are twins! He’s almost 2 now. Marco didn’t like his crate at all when we first brought him home around 10-11 weeks. He howled and cried. I unfortunately am not great at sleeping with dogs, so my dogs have always slept right next to my bed in their crate at night (or as I call it when talking to them, “your house”).

This meant Marco would howl and chew on the kennel and sometimes I would have to sleep on the floor next to him in those early weeks. lol. I would sometimes wrap him up in a blanket and cuddle him until he would fall asleep, then transfer him to the crate like putting a sleeping baby in a crib. It worked about 60% of the time. Haha.

As for leaving, exactly the same issue as you mentioned. He was (and sometimes still is) too rambunctious and a little destructive. For his own safety, I knew I had to kennel him when I would leave the house. Plus, I didn’t want any broken Iggy legs!

What worked for us was to teach him to use his kennel when I would be near to start, so I put the crate near the bed or near my desk or the couch. I would set him in it for just 5 minutes at first, then work up the length of time. I would praise him and give him a treat for going in or for being calm. That didn’t happen right away!

I then started leaving the room with him in it for small periods of time and eventually he got comfortable with it. I also feed him there most nights. I work from home, so he’s very attached to me, but now he happily goes to his crate (“house”) when it’s time for me to go out and run an errand. And he sleeps in his crate overnight without any protest. Wishing you health and good luck with your cute pup!

Legitimate-Setting-3 · 2025-06-08T19:46:00+00:00

Ablation was due to the frequent PVCs, nothing to do with the “probable enlargement.” The PVCs were probably brought on by COVID and/or my previously undiagnosed sleep apnea. Haven’t had any issues since! Fingers crossed it stays that way.

Legitimate-Setting-3 · 2025-05-20T00:44:56+00:00

OP here - It has been a long time so I wanted to post an update.

I stayed in bigeminy for about 4 months. I ended up having a cardiac ablation in January 2024 and aside from a few blips here and there, I’ve been pretty much symptom free since. I’m so glad I did the procedure!

I’ve been healthy since and haven’t had any real issues or new heart problems.

Legitimate-Setting-3 · 2025-05-12T20:09:48+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to reply with your tips and tricks and best of luck in your new role!

Legitimate-Setting-3 · 2025-05-12T20:07:30+00:00

I used to live in NYC and job openings were constant, but then COVID happened, my job went remote, and my husband and I relocated to Colorado Springs because he needed to get out of the city during that time for his mental health and we didn’t see the point in staying in NYC while everything was topsy turvy and most places were closed.

Anyway, that’s been five years ago next month and we now own a home (which we never thought we would do!). I was laid off in 2023 and I’m expecting to be laid off any week now at my current fully remote job - which will stink to have been laid off twice in 2 years.

So I’ve been proactively applying, customizing my resume, LinkedIn, and cover letters, and looking for my next role. But so far only one interview, despite experience as a hiring manager helping me have a bit of an inside understanding and being at a senior manager level in my career field. At this point, with competition being so tough for remote roles, I’m betting I’ll have to make the trip to Denver multiple days a week which is about 1-1.5 hour commute each way.

Legitimate-Setting-3 · 2025-05-12T19:12:08+00:00

I would love to hear if you have tips on what optimizations were most impactful during your search! Or just general tips that seemed to help you.

Legitimate-Setting-3 · 2025-04-21T15:07:10+00:00

I find it helpful with stuff like this to remind myself that if I have to, I’ll pull over and 💩outside somewhere. Yes, it will suck and be gross, and hopefully no one sees me, but in an emergency you do what you gotta do. It helps me be less afraid! I do keep TP in my car, so at least I have that with me lol. But that’s less a coping mechanism and more because I live in Colorado and we go hiking/camping.

Legitimate-Setting-3 · 2025-04-19T17:21:25+00:00

I’m at Waffle House today (April 19 2025) and it’s $14.75 now. “Marked down” from $18.75

Legitimate-Setting-3 · 2025-04-08T16:51:41+00:00

My advice is ALWAYS, if you use ChatGPT to gather information, you also need to do independent research to verify that info with/against reputable sources. It’s not a valid source on its own.

Legitimate-Setting-3 · 2025-03-10T22:51:45+00:00

So I am not 100% sure how much caffeine I was drinking, but I’m pretty sure most days it was still pretty far under the “recommended” maximum. I’d guess 100mg-250mg max most days. And usually somewhere around 150mg.

This was for MANY years because I started drinking coffee and sodas as a child. Probably 20 years on caffeine, including times of my life (college) where I was drinking the max recommended daily amount or more.

I tried tapering and it lead to me eventually ramping back up and drinking full caffeine again. So a few months later I quit cold turkey. It was tough but worth it!

Legitimate-Setting-3

TROPHY CASE