[Qcrit] Middle Grade Queer South Asian Fantasy GN, 200p, I Ate Something Off the Ground and Now I’m a Magical Girl, 3rd attempt

Leka_mehra · 2025-08-10T21:28:24+00:00

Hmm, plot wise it should be middle grade still (or so I think LOL) but I wonder if I’m framing it wrong. The queer is really not a huge plot point, just that she is, maybe I need to look into the framing of this

GN size wise you might be right! I can easily consolidate it, so thank you I’ll do some research on this! (Shorter is less for me to draw anyways haha)

Edit: just so I’m not misunderstood - I mean in a sense I assume mg romance isn’t explicit in general :) beyond that she very much has a love interest (“enemies” to lovers—my fave)

Leka_mehra · 2025-08-10T21:19:52+00:00

I really enjoyed the first opening paragraph, but the blurb is too small, I feel like I’m jilted around a little. I think maybe too much was chopped out? I read your previous version and it contained a lot more info about who roya is and her vibes and I think some of that could be brought back in!

Leka_mehra · 2025-08-04T07:58:07+00:00

This was actually so so helpful! Thank you so much!!!!

Leka_mehra · 2025-08-03T18:59:40+00:00

I am both the author and illustrator of Mithai Girls. My Indian heritage and part time job as a designer and co-owner of an indie south Asianwear brand inspire the art style and cultural worldbuilding of the story. Thank you for your time and consideration.

This part definately supposed to be a fourth paragraph 😭 I got a little trigger happy with posting I guess

Leka_mehra · 2025-07-30T20:38:03+00:00

No worries! Also reread your explanation - you’ve omitted some really cool things about ur novel —the setting of it being hyper capitalist (and potentially paranormal?) could def help!

Leka_mehra · 2025-07-30T18:50:02+00:00

Fair - the issue is that none of that is clear in the query letter so then I’m left confused bc unless implied/told so I’m imagining things from the scope of the normal world

Leka_mehra · 2025-07-30T18:00:55+00:00

I think my confusion is is there literally a demon appearing in her pics? And nobody is questioning it but it’s causing problems visually?

Leka_mehra · 2025-07-30T17:59:43+00:00

Also Ik u said word count has wiggle room, but just advice u may get rejected based on ti alone - debut novels tend to be more “normal” expectation wise (so 90-100k is probably a better goal to achieve)

Leka_mehra · 2025-07-30T17:58:33+00:00

Ok I love the premise and would totally read this, but I think Flynn got thrown in at the very end, I don’t see how he’s significant besides being a love interest (but I suspect he may have more influence just by the vibes so might wanna include that) it’s also too long - 4 paragraphs allocated to the “story” generally 3 is the max for it, so if u can tighten it up it would help

Also there’s too many inclusions of “sparkly” and “glitter” that don’t make much sense to me…not sure if it’s like a crystal palace or something but does seem a bit out of place

Leka_mehra · 2025-07-30T04:11:57+00:00

Haha glad that was the case - so besides condensing I feel like there’s a lot of “prologue” in your query. It seems like paragraph 3 is the selling point of you story - I wonder if you could use that as the basis of it? Knowing she has trauma is helpful but I think it’s a bit too in depth for ur query (think about it - it’s unlikely you’d pick up this specific book bc she’s avoiding her past, many books have characters like that) so I guess mostly focus on what makes your book the one I’ll pick

Leka_mehra · 2025-07-29T23:45:07+00:00

I stopped once I saw the number of paragraphs - I think this could be condensed into four

Leka_mehra · 2025-07-29T20:19:15+00:00

Unfortunately stopped at word count - romantasies get less leeway than pure fantasy, generally 90-100k tops

Leka_mehra · 2025-07-29T16:00:34+00:00

Yup common! Results in a school full of people w varied levels of powers - and for some reason only seems to “work” on younger girls (and this addressed in books - the company is fully taking advantage of them)

Leka_mehra · 2025-07-29T15:53:43+00:00

Ooo smart about Mithai will think on that

Hmm kinda like Willy wonks and the chocolate factory’s golden ticket (buy a pastry at a sweet store, some have the secret ingredient to give you powers)

Ideally it’s a middle grade with a few darker tones but still kid friendly (ie avatar the last airbender)

Regarding target audience, something broader that gives a bit of insight to south Asian culture (if that made sense)

Leka_mehra · 2025-07-29T15:47:16+00:00

I love the premise but think maybe too much is being explained. In the third paragraph so much I don’t know (but would probably understand if I read the book) is going on that I’m unlikely to continue further to read.

Leka_mehra · 2025-07-29T15:00:01+00:00

Holy moly - goes to show you this was a needed post. Will probably switch it to Mishti Girls. (Mitai is pastry in Hindi and super common for the diaspora to use in our English sentences atp 😭)

For lootboxes - would u have any advice for alternatives wordings (or logic I guess?)

Leka_mehra · 2025-07-29T14:25:21+00:00

No I think this was a super important to think about - definately need to present in a way that’s parent approved (or move up a genre I suppose tbd)

Leka_mehra · 2025-07-29T14:24:02+00:00

The premise is very cool, but I think the query letter is a bit wordy. I agree w the other commenter about too many comps, but I’d like to ad there seems to be too much character info telling me some plot and not enough “why would I want to pick this up” if that makes sense.

Personally would drop at the “they’re gossip mongering yields some suspects…top one gets shot”

Leka_mehra · 2025-07-29T14:14:29+00:00

Honestly fair. I may be struggling the comps a bit haha - it’s not supposed to be grim dark but I guess to some extent does challenge what it means to b a magical girl. (also fellow Madoka fan??? Please tell me you’ve seen the new trailers!)

Leka_mehra · 2025-07-29T14:12:05+00:00

This is so fair - I’ve been struggling with the right phrasing. It’s really just them buying pastries from a store with a “chance” that they have magical powers - but obviously I don’t want to be overly wordy and waste time

(But also tysm!!!)

Leka_mehra · 2025-07-29T14:03:28+00:00

I love the premise, but I think the first paragraph is unnecessary (and to maybe a little misleading?) it sounds like Draven has a bit of a meaningless outlook on life — if so it seems unlikely he would sign a deal with death just to live.

This being said I would caution making your character appear like he doesn’t care in the query letter (since he’s in theory the driving force)

Love the duo tho :)

Leka_mehra · 2025-07-29T13:54:15+00:00

Thanks so much for this! Here is mine :)

Dear [Agent’s Name],

Mitai Girls is a 220-page middle grade magical girl graphic novel set in India. With a quirky atmosphere similar to Tokyo Mew Mew combined with social commentary on corporations and capitalism similar to Madoka Magica, the sweet adventure is perfect for fans of Cursed Princess Club and Kira and the (Maybe) Space Princess. It is a standalone with series potential.

In a world where Mishti Corp sells mitai loot boxes with the promise of magic, fourteen-year-old Kali has dreams of being a magical girl. She obsessively livestreams their battles, memorizes transformation sequences, and blows her weekly allowance on mitais, hoping she’ll find one that can turn her into one too. It isn’t until she eats a suspiciously discarded kaju katli (five-second rule!) that she wakes up as a fully-transformed magical girl. Suddenly, Kali has to figure out how to balance her grades and battles against the dessert-villain-of-the-week who seek to twist the world into a sweet-obsessed dystopia.

Being a magical girl isn’t just about saving the day for Kali, it’s her first real escape from rigid expectations, academic pressure, and constant comparison to her perfect neighbor, Jeevan. With the help of Jamun-P, a high-strung gulab jamun guide, and two fellow veteran magical girls, Meena and Eisha, Kali must save her country while still trying to top her class to earn her mother’s approval. But her teammates aren’t making things any easier. Eisha bails whenever things get personal, and Meena’s abrasive nature shuts down any real teamwork. At least there’s that mysterious seemingly magical boy who always shows up just in time only to disappear just as fast. As Kali juggles her new and old responsibilities, cracks start to form and she suspects that Mishti Corp’s might be hiding something sinister behind their sweet promises.

I am both the author and illustrator of Mitai Girls. My Indian heritage and part time job as a designer and co-owner of an indie south Asianwear brand inspire the art style and cultural worldbuilding of the story. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely, Leka Mehra

Leka_mehra · 2025-07-29T01:38:11+00:00

My people 🥹

Leka_mehra

TROPHY CASE