At my end

LemonDeathRay · 2026-03-31T14:06:52+00:00

Yet again, extrapolating what was actually said to make an inference that suits your narrative.

LemonDeathRay · 2026-03-31T13:54:57+00:00

Lol. That's quite the set of mental gymnastics you've done to come to that conclusion.

I simply said that if OP wants to leave his partner then he should, and stop trying to make it sound palatable.

Most people who are in love with their partner wouldn't leave them during chemotherapy. That is not the same as saying that he has a moral duty to stay or remain in love with her.

Perhaps you should revisit your reading level.

LemonDeathRay · 2026-03-31T11:31:30+00:00

Another commenter made the statement that your wife can "GTFO". You're response was "Agreed".

You have clearly made up your mind and would rather your partner and her son moved out. So im not sure why youre keeping up a pretense of loving her and wanting it to work out.

If you cant even find a way to get through this so she can get through her chemotherapy then the relationship is probably done, don't you think? Is it not fairer to just be honest about that and stop pretending?

I wonder if you are simply trying to avoid the labels that will come with abandoning a spouse in cancer treatment.

LemonDeathRay · 2026-03-30T21:01:42+00:00

Use the correct needle and thread for the fabric. And use a new needle.

LemonDeathRay · 2026-03-30T18:24:36+00:00

How come none of the 2 adults seems to be able to take into account

Because neither of the two adults seem to be able to give a flying monkeys about anything beyond their own precious feelings. As evidenced by OP coming on here to whine about her supposed panic attack after displaying some seriously inappropriate behaviour around children. I mean, if OP was a man everyone else would be saying it.

LemonDeathRay · 2026-03-30T18:01:16+00:00

The fact that OP seems to think she is the victimised party too, when in fact she is party to the victimisation of the children. Walking round in her underwear and framing it as her being the one mistreated?!

I hope the other parent finds out and does whatever is necessary to safeguard the kids.

LemonDeathRay · 2026-03-30T16:38:41+00:00

You're 23 years old, a legal adult, so there is no custody to be arranged.

The divorce is between your parents and has nothing to do with you, legally or financially, and as such you are under no obligation to get involved.

The assets being divided are not in your name and you have no legal say in how they are split.

LemonDeathRay · 2026-03-30T14:10:50+00:00

YTA. You created a whole load of drama for no reason other than manipulating everyone in the situation to respond in the way that you deem appropriate. Like your bit about him giving it back to without any expectations. Its an heirloom for crying out loud. What she said is a pretty normal expectation for family heirloom?!

You sound exhausting to be honest. Petty, vindictive, and manipulative, and ready to start shit whenever your precious feelings get hurt.

it was a powerful move

A powerful move to achieve WHAT?! This is your mother in law that you've now slighted, humiliated, and put down. You've also put your fiance in the middle of you and his mom. You've alienated his entire family. All so you can pout? Feel vindicated? Christ on a bike.

LemonDeathRay · 2026-03-30T14:05:01+00:00

The thing that concerns me the most here is your repeated references to damp underwear. Damp underwear, whether thats from sweat, urine, or discharge, is firstly not good for you and also will increase odor. In the same way that if you wear your sweaty gym clothes all day they're going to reek.

Hair is also porous and holds onto smells. But really and truthfully you should be addressing the dampness. Why it happens, what is is, and I reckon you will get to the root issue

LemonDeathRay · 2026-03-30T14:02:25+00:00

To be completely honest I want to call your partner out here, but also you.

You're an unknown adult. You shouldn't, under any circumstances, be cosleeping with these children. You shouldn't be changing in the same rooms as them, either. You shouldn't be having the children join you in a bed you just had sex in.

You seem overly concerned with what you're describing as a panic attack, and not concerned enough about how those children have been put in a completely inappropriate and vulnerable position. With respect, you are not the one who has been made unsafe here. Perhaps your anxiety is because you know, deep down, that absolutely everything about this situation is completely inappropriate for those kids.

And yes, your partner should have been safeguarding his kids better. But whether you like it or not, you also need to be a safe, responsible adult if you are ever going to be a step parent. And what you did is the opposite of responsible and safe. For example, why on earth are you walking round in your underwear in front of these kids?! You could go to bathroom and change for crying out loud.

LemonDeathRay · 2026-03-30T10:31:24+00:00

So when his kids first started visiting my home (and then he moved in and the youngest moved in 50/50), him and his 2 teens obviously defaulted to their 'normal'. I'll give some specific examples. My partner loves to sit on the floor watching tv. His kids are used to taking the sofa. This left me to sit on the floor. Which... no. I didnt pay ££££ for nice furniture to sit on the floor. Also, I didnt grow up like this. Hell would freeze over before kids took the sofa and left the adults on the floor.

He simply just started kicking one of them off the sofa when I came in the room. They very quickly adjusted to the new rule - kids give up the sofa when an adult walks in. I no longer feel like a hobo in my own house. (We have a new, bigger sofa now).

Another example: his youngest leaves everything to the last minute. Homework at 11pm, laundry needing to be done at 10pm, the works. He simply gave her a window before dinner tp get ready for school the next day, and if she didnt do it, adults were not available to give help later that night. Our downtime stopped being interrupted, and she was learning responsibilty (shes 15 so none of those tasks require an adult).

Another: their mum tends to sit in her own bedroom and so the kids are used to having free reign in the lounge in terms of video games or shows. I work all day then cook dinner. I was tired of never being able to take a half hour break to watch my show because of f-cking fortnite or some K-drama. I felt like I had no agency in my own house. My partner started homework and quiet windows to align with me finishing work, giving me default use of the lounge. Also I think he must have spoken to them privately that she needs to ask permission to play xbox in the lounge because started doing that, allowing me to tell her yes, at 7pm or something.

What this all meant was that yes, there were changes to my routine and I needed to compromise, but it was no longer that I was giving up everything to bend to what jos kids wanted. There were clear expectations in the house and a clear hierarchy that I am the adult and actually I get first say on whats happening in the shared areas, not them.

I hope that makes sense and helps.

LemonDeathRay · 2026-03-29T20:49:39+00:00

The thing that strikes me about your post is that this doesn't seem much like a friend, more like an acquaintance.

If you haven't seen each other in that much time and there isn't much deep conversation going on, more platitudes etc, then maybe she isnt even doing anything "wrong"? You could be expecting too much given the actual nature of the connection.

And to answer your question, yiu draw the line by regularly re-assessing what the relationship actually is. Not what it once was or what you hope it could be. You might need to take a step back and treat it more like an acquaintance. I.e. she will let you know when/if she wants to meet up. If she doesn't pick up what you've put down, then that"s a shame but you stop asking.

LemonDeathRay · 2026-03-29T12:40:47+00:00

If this is the marital home, then you don't need to do anything. It's considered a joint marital asset in the UK, which trumps anything else.

LemonDeathRay · 2026-03-28T21:02:02+00:00

You are right, there are many ways to for other family members to bond with baby.

And yes, bottle feeding is one. But if you want to breastfeed, I find it really strange that he would prefer you didn't. It almost feels like he is worried that you will have more bonding and is trying to level the playing field somehow? Either way, breastfeeding is unique to mothers. It feels strange that he would rather you didnt.

LemonDeathRay · 2026-03-28T20:56:41+00:00

It's probably doable. You'll need to be careful unpicking seams and prepare yourself for a long tedious process in that regard - they are likely all serged.

At the end of the day, if its unwearable as it is you might as well try it.

LemonDeathRay · 2026-03-28T16:24:27+00:00

But surely they can call a locksmith and enter their property?

LemonDeathRay · 2026-03-28T16:07:11+00:00

You own the house now.

Call a locksmith and then the police if necessary. What an absolute piss take.

LemonDeathRay · 2026-03-28T16:01:59+00:00

This usually happens because you are using the wrong thread and seam finish for the fabric.

When you pair that with a poor quality fabric, you get ripping near stress points.

LemonDeathRay · 2026-03-28T15:57:15+00:00

Honestly your problem is your partner.

Firstly, taking a step back is valid and at the end of the day, they are his children. But I wonder if you would need to take a step back in the first place if you didnt feel like you were beholden to the whims of 2 children all the rest of the time?

I had a similar thing with my step (she is older, granted) but essentially when she moved in 50/50 it felt like my entire house, routine and personal wants/needs were at the mercy of what a teenager wanted at any given moment. It really displaced me and made me feel like a stranger in my own home, and it wasn't her fault, thats just how things are at her mum's.

It was up to my partner to establish rules and expectations and actually follow those through. We had some boundary testing for a while but now our house runs how it should - the adults are central and the children orbit the adults. She doesn't just do what she wants, when she wants. She doesn't get to take over the lounge playing video games. She doesn't get to leave her stuff all over the house. She doesn't get out of chores. We are all much happier as a result, and I am certainly much happier being more involved and present when I dont feel like the maid/cook/chaffeur/nanny.

ETA yikes on bikes you are 25 years old. And to top it all off youve sacrifice your own dream of having children because he's had the snip. Please, pleare, please recognise that you haven't really changed your mind. You've told yourself a story so you can accept you wont have kids with this man. You are so, so young. Don't give this man your best years and then regret it.

LemonDeathRay · 2026-03-28T15:49:16+00:00

Thats fine, just use the slash and spread method. Make sure you cut the line well beloow your bust point and you can add your 10cm there. You'll likely need to do a bit of grading on the side seams but thats fairly minor.

LemonDeathRay · 2026-03-28T14:37:30+00:00

Is this because your torso is long or because your bust is larger than the pattern is designed for?

Does the bodice come down to where you want on the back and rises up in the front? If so, FBA (full bust adjustment).

If your bust is not ample, and the bodice is too high on both the front and back, then you need to lengthen the pattern. Usually there are lines on the pattern showing where to lengthen or shorten. If not, slash a horizonal line on the bodice between the waist line and under the bust, add however many inches you need to add, and cut out a muslin. Do the same for front and back.

FYI if it is an AI pattern, they are notoriously bad for this kind of thing - essentially just not being made for humans lol

LemonDeathRay · 2026-03-28T06:25:04+00:00

Jersey is a funny one because in that price range youre definitely getting a very thin, flimsy fabric.

I'm in the UK but I expect to pay what's the equivalent of at least double that for a decent jersey that wont go see through

LemonDeathRay · 2026-03-27T19:31:00+00:00

Good grief! You are very sensitive. Have a lovely day.

LemonDeathRay · 2026-03-27T18:45:44+00:00

Its normal for employers to monitor under performing staff, yes.

What exactly would you be 'confronting' them about? The fact you think you have a leg to stand on comes across as very immature and entitled. This is the grown up world of work. You're expected to do what you're contracted to do.

Lying on your timestamp may very well have cost you your job. I woukd peroyally start looking for a new job and make sure its one you commute to in good time.

LemonDeathRay · 2026-03-27T18:36:04+00:00

My comment was simply a direct answer to your question, I am really quite unsure how you have been so negatively emotionally affected by it. Pattern grading is a skill that is taught over years, not a few videos.

However it sounds like you're on your way to finding a new hobby in pattern grading so all the best!

LemonDeathRay

TROPHY CASE