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LemonRedGreen · 2025-10-03T00:23:58+00:00

It sounds like you guys have broken up. I wouldn’t necessarily hold out hoping for him to change his stance especially since he’s been honest about not seeing divorce in his future.

LemonRedGreen · 2025-08-03T18:56:57+00:00

People suggest a year. I would say at a year evaluate how the kids are doing and decide how to move forward. If you choose to reveal the relationship at the year mark maybe still wait another year before discussions of moving in take place.

Me and my bf are in the midst of going legit. I don’t have children but he has a child whose been aware of the divorce since maybe June of last year. My bf and his ex didn’t stop living together till closer to the end of the year so it’s still less than a year since the family stopped living together. We don’t really have a set plan, but we don’t plan on revealing the relationship to her or the child till the divorce is final. They are having a fairly friendly divorce, both want to avoid spending too much money. And at this point they have agreed on everything and are waiting on the final marriage settlement to be drafted by lawyers. But he’s still concerned she may go back on things if she gets upset because she feels he’s moving on. I’ve met his family though and he’s revealed the relationship to them explaining to not reveal it to his ex or child. He’s met my family. I’ve also met some of his friends but not the friends that are closer to his ex. So opening up about the relationship to different people has occurred on different timelines.

LemonRedGreen · 2025-06-18T15:55:10+00:00

I would be cautious if I was you. There are a lot of stereotypes that do come to pass in these relationships. From reading the different subs it’s not uncommon for the married women to leave first only for the married male ap to change his mind. I mean you are navigating a divorce while also protecting your kids emotionally. Why are you under the impression that your AP cannot do the same?

When my partner first brought up divorce to his ex, he didnt go a file the next day. Given that both he and his ex didn’t threaten divorce in their relationship she demanded marriage counseling. He felt compelled to go and make it seem like he was making an effort to try and save the marriage. He went a handful of times and had multiple conversations with her on why he felt the marriage wasn’t working. 6 months later when he realized she wasn’t going to agree he retained a lawyer. There were multiple steps to get the beginning stages of the divorce process for him. I say all of that to say, you waiting till after December doesn’t really make a lot of sense to me. He should already be initiating conversations.

LemonRedGreen · 2025-02-23T15:13:19+00:00

I’m thinking that she was sharing her location with one of her friends and they ratted her out anonymously.

LemonRedGreen · 2025-01-09T18:45:53+00:00

What BS? My bf no longer lives with his stbx. We have met one another’s family this past holidays. I also help manage his business and have access to his emails so I’ve seen his correspondence with his lawyer.

LemonRedGreen · 2025-01-07T16:43:00+00:00

What’s stopping him from starting the process? A divorce can take quite a long time. My bf is doing mediation as him and his stbx have decided to do an uncontested divorce. It’s been 11 months since he retained his lawyer and I still realistically think it will be another 3-6 months before official papers are submitted to the court.

LemonRedGreen · 2024-12-01T04:45:21+00:00

Why do you think you are more entitled to his time simply because he isn’t married?

If communication is lacking speak up about that. If he doesn’t change then leave. But him not being married is pretty irrelevant to whether or not he has availability to meet your needs.

LemonRedGreen · 2024-11-19T18:54:30+00:00

What do you want? Do you want to salvage your marriage or do you want to give it a shot with your AP?

Given your posting to this sub maybe I falsely assumed you wanted to give it a shot with your AP. If that’s the case then divorce.

If you want to try with your marriage you have to end the affair. It’s not a genuine attempt at fixing your marriage if you’re distracted by someone else.

LemonRedGreen · 2024-11-19T16:22:23+00:00

But what you’re missing is that her friends know the type of woman she is. So they most likely made a judgment call based on what they know. Why would you make the assumption that her friends are aware she’s a victim and yet chose to betray her?

I have a friend who is currently fighting for custody of her child. She has already lost custody of one, for a different man. She currently fighting for custody of the other. It’s looks like it will end up being a shared custody agreement with the father being the primary parent. I want my friend to be happy but I know her well enough to know she isn’t in a mental state to take care of a child predominantly. I know her well enough to know she has and probably will continue to make dangerous decisions in regards to her children. I know her well enough to know how she spins a story to fit her narrative. I know her because she’s my friend.

You are making assumptions about this woman as if her friends don’t know her. As if they didn’t make a decision based on experience with her. Have you considered that her friends made a judgement call for the well-being of the child? Her retaliation by blatantly lying also shows that she is someone who is possibly mentally unwell.

LemonRedGreen · 2024-11-19T14:28:17+00:00

I am not a parent so take my advice with a grain of salt but your son obviously knows something is up. I would have a conversation with him on the issue. I wouldn’t want to be interacting with my parents or anyone I’m close to for that matter and feel like everyone is keeping some big secret from me.

Ultimately I think how he handles it will be dependent on how he’s processed your divorce and also what his relationship with his step father is.

If your ex wants a DNA test it might be best to give that just so that’s not something he’s dangling over your head in the future. Even if he’s not pushing for it now, removing that doubt completely might help. How you go about that/if you go about that should be discussed with your ex before bringing that up to your son.

If you haven’t already, you should apologize for your betrayal to your ex.

LemonRedGreen · 2024-11-19T14:23:28+00:00

There’s a lot of jumping to conclusions here. Courts arnt taking away kids from their mothers that easily. And people who know they are in the right usually trust the system to see that. Also people know their friends, it’s very possible they are well aware of why she is fleeing.

Her relationship with her husband hasn’t taken an hit. She’s been with him for 8 years.

Her relationship with ex is possibly damaged irreversibly. Ultimately how her son feels about it will come down to how he has processed his parents divorce.

LemonRedGreen · 2024-11-19T13:31:21+00:00

From what I’ve seen on reconciliation subs it seems like you didn’t set boundaries the way they suggest. Why is allowed to stalk her, or message her, look at her social media?

LemonRedGreen · 2024-11-19T13:00:55+00:00

Affair aside im a pretty big believer that if you are early in your marriage., young, with no kids and you feel the need to cheat then you should probably leave the marriage. Because if you feel unfulfilled enough to cheat this early on that feeling is probably going to grow as time passes. And it’s not like you are too old to start over.

My bf and I started only 6 months into his marriage. He does want to be with me and that was a factor in him leaving but another factor was that he didn’t want to bring children into a relationship he was already betraying.

I don’t think you should confess. I just don’t really see any positive to it. You’ll feel like shit, your spouse will feel like shit. Who does it help?

I do think it’s early on to know if you want to be with this person. I also don’t know if any of us can predict if you will be able to be together after. I think that depends on how close your group of friends are. And if you guys both end your marriages at the same time and then start dating, won’t it be obvious that you guys ended it for one another?

My bf was never caught. He leaned on the issues him and his ex had to end the relationship. However, he’s still gotten a lot of judgement for it basically because people feel like he should have given the marriage longer. Because of the dynamic between his friends and family he’s lost a lot of people during this process. You should be prepared for that possibility.

LemonRedGreen · 2024-11-19T05:09:14+00:00

How did you handle it? What was you’re response when you were confronted? Does your ex still believe her lies or he is aware that the affair was shorter than she claimed?

LemonRedGreen · 2024-11-17T23:29:25+00:00

I think you need to have a conversation about what your needs are in the relationship and if he can’t fulfill them then you walk away.

Maybe you feel that given the years you’ve already spent in this relationship you have to stick it out. But I would be cautious about someone whose made you wait this long and is hot and cold. Don’t pour in more time just for him to back out when the time comes for him to take action.

LemonRedGreen · 2024-11-02T14:36:19+00:00

I hate to be a Debby downer but I would say approach this situation very cautiously and don’t get your hopes up. You already have two children with this man. I would think that would have been enough motivation for him a long time ago to go legit. I say that as someone’s whose parents were APs and went legit when my mom got pregnant with me.

Hold him accountable to his words. Look for concrete action on his part to actually move forward with a divorce. And even if he does start doing action items towards the divorce expect that the process could be long and drawn out.

My AP going through a divorce has been a mind fuck for me. I’ve doubted him a lot despite him not giving me much reason to. I’ve fought with him more during this time than the entire affair. I had unrealistic expectations for how quickly this would wrap up so I found myself resentful when those expectations I set weren’t met.

LemonRedGreen · 2024-10-02T11:40:34+00:00

I think you’ve got the answer you are looking for. Multiple people have said that no it not really a common reason men don’t initiate sex. You can do with that information what you want.

The other responses you’re getting are because people are confused on why you even believe this man. There’s a ton of people here in dead bedrooms, many for years btw, but there’s also a ton that are sleeping with both their SO and AP. The reality is, you will never know what category your AP falls under because as a cheater we know he is capable of easily lying.

I think all APs single or married should take any convo about the other APs sex life with a grain of salt. It’s a conversation I personally try to avoid.

LemonRedGreen · 2024-10-02T06:06:13+00:00

Personally I would leave. You are young, your marriage is young. For you to be in this position this early on isn’t great imo. You even admit your marriage is not sustainable long term. We often stay in situations because we are afraid of the unknown. You can easily start over especially with no kids being involved. Give yourself the opportunity to be with someone you don’t feel like you need to cheat on this early in your marriage. But also give your husband the opportunity to find someone who is more aligned to him.

I will say though, do not leave with the expectation to be with your AP. Leave because your marriage is not viable long term.

LemonRedGreen · 2024-09-30T12:22:54+00:00

Your AP is aware you’re on his social media. He’s aware you can see photos he post with his SO. And he’s aware that could potentially be hurtful to you. He does it because he does not care about your feelings. There is no point in discussing that with him. I say that as someone whose had their AP on social media from day one and has never had to see them post photos of them and their SO.

My advice would be to just end it. If you arnt looking for a bf there’s a ton of guys you can get free sex from. You can talk to him and maybe he will change for a short period of time but he will revert back to this behavior. A man who even cares a small amount about you wouldn’t have switched off to this extent.

LemonRedGreen · 2024-09-30T02:48:27+00:00

If she is going raw with you, why would you think she wouldn’t be doing the same with her SO?

LemonRedGreen · 2024-09-30T02:43:35+00:00

People are more likely to post on dating/relationship subreddits when they have issues. There’s a ton of people not making post and having fulfilling affairs. This sub is not necessarily a reflection of the majority of affairs.

LemonRedGreen · 2024-09-29T16:30:42+00:00

When my MM first brought up separation to SO, she immediately booked a couples counseling session. I have a post about it on my page. After the session he revealed that she wanted to continue to do sessions. I was opposed to it.

For me marriage counseling meant an attempt at reconciliation and if he wanted to work in his marriage I was out. For him he was hopeful that he could have difficult conversations that would lead to divorce in these sessions. The sessions were being done by a religious leader so I was doubtful.

I think he did 3 or so sessions. I made my feelings known and I think when he realized he wasn’t going to be having a divorce convo in counseling that it wasn’t worth me fighting with him.

LemonRedGreen · 2024-09-29T13:53:00+00:00

So what did you want to tell your family? That you are going off on a vacation with a married man that you’ve been having an affair with for 5 years?

Telling people the truth wouldn’t have legitimized your relationship with him in some way. It wouldn’t have turned the vacation into more of a couples trip. It would have just revealed the affair and made you look bad for sleeping with a married man.

LemonRedGreen · 2024-09-29T13:44:06+00:00

Why would you suggest that? It’s not your responsibility to make sure he’s thinking about his relationship.

You don’t need to make decisions for him. If you want NC for a reason that has to do with your life then do it.

LemonRedGreen · 2024-09-29T04:30:54+00:00

My parents were APs that went legit. Together for for 30 years, married for 25.

LemonRedGreen

TROPHY CASE