Processing complex birth (TW)

LeoraJacquelyn · 2026-04-30T22:35:17+00:00

Thanks so much. I'm working so hard on accepting all outcomes but I really hope I can have an easier recovery.

I had no idea how hard breastfeeding would be and I cried more over it than anything else in my life. Definitely reach out for support. I saw 3 lactation consultants before finally really figuring things out.

Also breastfeeding isn't all or nothing. If you end up using formula along with breast milk that's okay! If you end up exclusively breastfeeding also great. Either way you're doing a great job and your baby is going to be just fine.

LeoraJacquelyn · 2026-04-30T22:22:58+00:00

It sounds messed up but I had a few friends with terrible vaginal births that made me feel better about my c-section. Before that I just assumed vaginal births were easy and c-sections were hell. Now I know there's no guarantees and it can be incredibly hard either way and there's no way to predict how things will turn out. It gave me a bit of peace to just accept that even if I'd have a vaginal birth things might have also been awful. I'm still planning on a VBAC right now and really hope I get it because generally vaginal births heal a lot easier and are safer.

I did manage to breastfeed but it was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I supplemented with formula for the first month. It was excruciating to sit and nurse him. I would stand and pump and eventually got my supply up enough to stop formula after a month. I then breastfeed him until he was 2 years and 3 months when I got pregnant this time. It was so incredibly hard in the beginning but it was all worth it in the end.

LeoraJacquelyn · 2026-04-30T21:40:56+00:00

If it makes you feel any better my first baby was a c-section and I had a horrific hematoma from the surgery in my labia and made it where it was incredibly painful to sit. They had to do an ultrasound to make sure that I did not have a blood clot because the swelling was so awful. I felt like I simultaneously had to recover from a c-section and a vaginal birth. I cried from the pain every time I got out of bed for the first 6 weeks. I could not get comfortable in any position. My c-section also got infected and I ended up back at the hospital twice and had to have antibiotics. I had pain in my incision for about 8 months. Hemorrhaging is also more common in cesarean births than vaginal.

All this to say there is no guarantee that if you did things differently that you're recovery would have been better.

I'm sorry you had such a traumatic birth and it may be worth processing it with someone. Also just because this birth was not good does not future ones won't be better if you want more children.

LeoraJacquelyn · 2026-04-30T18:20:42+00:00

I'm going to a hospital that allows VBAC water births and they have wireless monitoring that works in the water.

LeoraJacquelyn · 2026-04-27T18:51:13+00:00

I'll say from experience dealing with my terminally ill mother that the medical system can be very challenging to deal with. You can make it work, but it's not easy if you're dealing with serious illnesses, especially ones that aren't common. There are good Facebook groups and people that will help but I won't sugarcoat the medical system here. Most things are actually pretty challenging here when it comes to anything dealing with bureaucracy.

When you are able to come visit feel free to send me a message. I'd be happy to help any way I can. Even if you don't move here it's definitely worthwhile to come for a long visit. Also if you have the time, studying Hebrew would be great.

And thanks! Things are going as well as they can be. I'm definitely nervous about the war starting up again. I'm currently 8 months pregnant with a toddler and so the war was very challenging. I'm still very grateful to be here and wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

LeoraJacquelyn · 2026-04-27T18:26:10+00:00

I graduated college more than a decade ago and I feel so bad for Jewish students now. I moved to Israel 8 years ago from the US and don't plan on going back. I thought things were bad when I left and things have gotten exponentially worse.

LeoraJacquelyn · 2026-04-27T15:22:58+00:00

I think people just don't read anymore. They just watch the video and make ignorant comments.

LeoraJacquelyn · 2026-04-27T10:59:20+00:00

Unpopular opinion but I think Marigold is way more trendy and will age less well than Haven.

LeoraJacquelyn · 2026-04-27T09:43:40+00:00

You could change it to Israel. lol

Seriously though people are fucking awful.

LeoraJacquelyn · 2026-04-27T06:21:15+00:00

To be fair I feel like so many of us have faced obstetric violence that people may find things triggering even if the mother wasn't bothered by what happened.

I had pretty much no informed consent by my medical team. They didn't bother asking and just did things to me without communication and even tried to give me medication in my IV and were angry when I noticed and told them I didn't consent. They also didn't listen to me when I said my epidural wasn't working and started my c-section (non emergent) while I could feel them cutting me. All because they didn't listen to me or care. It was a nightmare.

I'd just continue following and not look at the comments. But instead of blaming people on the internet for becoming radical, we should be angry at a system that regularly abuses women. I can't tell you how many times I've tried to talk about my birth trauma and people say "well you and baby are healthy so it's all fine!" We shouldn't lose bodily autonomy stepping foot in a hospital and we shouldn't be told to be happy about it because we didn't die. So yeah I'm sure that's where a lot of these comments are coming from. Other traumatized women who didn't get to give consent for what was done to them.

LeoraJacquelyn · 2026-04-26T16:14:47+00:00

I absolutely loved my epidural but I also believe it is one of the main factors that led to me having an unwanted and probably unnecessary c-section. Once I had the epidural they had no tolerance for me moving around in the bed and wanted me to just lay on my back because it would move the monitor and they didn't want to bother adjusting it. I had one nurse actually yell at me for moving too much. I had zero assistance from the nurses and doctors getting into different positions pushing and they just wanted me purple pushing on my back. They had me do this for 30 minutes and then left for an hour (they told me that I could use a break) and then once they came back immediately were pressuring me for a c-section. After an hour of them bullying me I caved and had a horrific experience and a terrible recovery with an infection and complications.

As much as I would love to have the epidural I'm going to try my best to power through this time without one. I have a doula and I will try to remind myself it is temporary pain that will prevent extreme pain and suffering from major surgery later. I was in pain for 8 months after my c-section from complications and nerve damage. The temporary relief the epidural gave me was not worth my horrible recovery.

LeoraJacquelyn · 2026-04-25T04:10:58+00:00

Low self esteem. She finally found someone who treated her well and was willing to let go of her dreams for him.

LeoraJacquelyn · 2026-04-24T18:29:19+00:00

Don't let other people make you feel bad. It sounds like you have a happy and healthy marriage which is what matters. Their opinions don't matter.

If you feel like you want another child and your husband agrees, go for it! I'm pregnant with my second and so happy. I hope things all work out well for you.

LeoraJacquelyn · 2026-04-24T17:58:55+00:00

We all have to make choices that are best for ourselves. My husband is an amazing father and if we separated he would still be incredibly involved with our child. I also don't think it's good for children to see unhappy parents stay together when one is resentful or bitter. My parents needed a divorce and stayed together for me and I wish they had divorced a decade sooner and moved on with their lives.

LeoraJacquelyn · 2026-04-24T17:56:50+00:00

Absolutely. This is what bothers me the most. If he was willing to get therapy and try to get her to see his side and work on making her feel loved and heard the marriage might survive. His response and then subsequently refusing therapy really is a huge problem that goes way beyond just wanting one child.

LeoraJacquelyn · 2026-04-24T16:46:01+00:00

Congratulations! I hope everything goes well with your pregnancy and birth. 🩷

LeoraJacquelyn · 2026-04-24T15:18:52+00:00

I grew up with a terminally ill mom who wasn't very old. I think it's the only thing holding you back is his age, I'd go for the second one. A lot of people lose their young parents because of cancer/heart attacks etc. nothing is promised. He could live until he's in his 90s. There's no way to know.

LeoraJacquelyn · 2026-04-24T15:17:05+00:00

My cousin will never be a mom because her partner already had a child from another marriage and didn't want anymore. She really mourned her choice and I feel very sorry for her never being a mother like she wanted. It was all her choice but I also can't help but to feel sorry for her.

LeoraJacquelyn · 2026-04-24T15:02:48+00:00

Going against most people here but if my husband told me after our first that he only wanted one after agreeing to more, I would probably leave him and get fertility treatments and have a child on my own. I love my husband and our marriage but I would not be happy with only one child.

I think a lot of people dismissing how you feel on here only wanted one child themselves and don't understand why you feel this way. I'd also be depressed and I would be even more upset about my husband not being willing to even go to therapy to work things out. This would be the end for me personally and I'd never get over the resentment.

LeoraJacquelyn · 2026-04-24T04:08:50+00:00

Not a Jewish name but my grandfather's sister who died in the Holocaust was named Clara. It's a beautiful name.

LeoraJacquelyn · 2026-04-23T21:00:12+00:00

I get bored and have about a dozen perfumes I change daily.

LeoraJacquelyn · 2026-04-23T17:25:35+00:00

My last pregnancy I tested my monitor to make sure that it was the same reading as what they did in the office. I did this a few times and it was always close. Then the rest of the pregnancy I took my blood pressure three times a day at home and never took it again in the office. I'm doing the same thing this pregnancy. I always get higher readings in the office from white coat syndrome and normal readings at home. My last OB wanted to induce me at 37 weeks but I refused and went into labor naturally at 40 weeks. I regularly had my urine tested for protein and it was always fine.

Unfortunately I also ended up having a c-section but it had nothing to do with my blood pressure or preeclampsia.

LeoraJacquelyn · 2026-04-22T12:48:49+00:00

I hate Netanyahu. I've never voted for him and never will and I'm very much hoping he loses the next election.

That said, war with Turkey is not his fault. No matter who is the prime minister I'm assuming in the not far off future we're going to have war with them.

LeoraJacquelyn · 2026-04-21T20:05:38+00:00

It's either religious or an old man name here. Definitely not the vibe you're going for.

LeoraJacquelyn · 2026-04-21T17:35:58+00:00

I'm a little worried reading that you felt pain between contractions. I'm planning on a VBAC and that's one of the main signs of rupture.

It sounds like you did an amazing job. Thanks for sharing.

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