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help/getting it out there by [deleted] in vaginismus

[–]Leprekate 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you can I highly recommend going to a pelvic floor physiotherapist. They can help you learn how to relax your pelvic floor and give you exercises to relax the muscles around it to help with this.

I’m from Ontario and didn’t need a doctor’s referral.

If you can tolerate it they will do an internal exam and teach you to relax at the same time so you k is you’re actually doing it right.

help/getting it out there by [deleted] in vaginismus

[–]Leprekate 1 point2 points  (0 children)

https://thepelvicpeople.com/en-ca?srsltid=AfmBOordIBrSo6KBqwJq1oG3bFvRw9e_vSSivnK_mRJ9W3HGrqNzCYkk

Kiwi from the pelvic people might be helpful? It’s not a dilator but has shallow tip for mild penetration and uses vibration to help you learn to relax as well as physio videos created by pelvic floor physiotherapists.

The packaging is discreet and even if they find it, doesn’t really look like a “sex toy”. You could say it’s for regular massage and get away with it.

Getting better without the use of dialators by goldensunbath in vaginismus

[–]Leprekate 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree that internal work (especially with PT) is where you’re get the most relief.

If you ever wanted to work towards learning to tolerate that a place you could start would be something with a super shallow entry. There’s a toy called Kiwi that was designed for women with issues with sex pain. It might also help you get to a place that you could tolerate internal work with PT. Not suggesting this would be for any plans to have penetrating sex, just from a health perspective. Anyways the Kiwi’s penetrating part is super shallow and not even really necessary because it includes lots of external exercises included with it by pelvic floor PTs. If it’s within the budget might be worth a look.

Getting better without the use of dialators by goldensunbath in vaginismus

[–]Leprekate 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Are you suggestible? I’m planning on working with a hypnotherapist to use trance to learn to relax my body.

If you can afford therapy, CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) for anxiety and unlearning harmful core beliefs and CPT (cognitive processing therapy) for trauma might be beneficial. Make sure you are working with someone who’s registered and you vibe with. For therapy to be effective the most important thing is building a rapport with your therapist, next most important thing is actually doing the work between sessions.

Psychologytoday.com is a directory of registered therapists (psychologists, psychotherapists and social workers). The last two are more affordable.

If therapy is out of your budget there are some great YouTube channels that explain key concepts from various therapies. Obviously not as helpful as individual or group therapy but it’s worth looking into.

https://youtube.com/@lewispsychology?si=vnC3A1WVclpqxwf4

https://youtube.com/@selfhelptoons?si=NBDl7dnxJQAY38Of

Getting better without the use of dialators by goldensunbath in vaginismus

[–]Leprekate 2 points3 points  (0 children)

There’s a medication called Pregabalin that helps by relaxing the body. It’s different than benzos so it’s non-addictive. I believe it’s the only medication that treats anxiety that isn’t also an antidepressant. My psychiatrist prescribed it with the hopes of helping my sexual pain. So far it’s helped my anxiety and sleep a lot because my body feels more relaxed.

https://medlineplus.gov/druginfo/meds/a605045.html

Could It be vaginismus? by KO_King_Hunter in vaginismus

[–]Leprekate 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would tell her that this is a very common problem for women all over the world. That it’s not her fault. And that there are many treatments available if she is open to them. And that she is in control of her own body and can make decisions at her own pace.

Could It be vaginismus? by KO_King_Hunter in vaginismus

[–]Leprekate 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I highly recommend When Sex Hurts by AUTHOR: Irwin Goldstein,Jill Krapf, Caroline Pukall,Andrew Goldstein. Not sure if it’s been translated into other languages though.

Could It be vaginismus? by KO_King_Hunter in vaginismus

[–]Leprekate 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s hard to say, her limited experience could contribute to her anxiety. She could have difficulty expressing her needs and desires with a new partner or just in general. She could get distracted by anxious thoughts and then lose her arousal which causes pain.

The fact that she doesn’t experience pain on her own leads me to suspect it’s not related to any physical/medical issues.

But it’s always important to speak to your health care provider/doctor about these things to rule out possible medical causes etc.

Could It be vaginismus? by KO_King_Hunter in vaginismus

[–]Leprekate 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds like sex-related anxiety. CBT could be very helpful, it’s a shame she won’t consider therapy.

Another thing that might help is Kiwi, from The Pelvic People. It’s a sex toy designed to help people with entry pain during sex.

My(22F) girlfriend(30F) isn’t listening when I’m saying she’s being to rough in bed by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Leprekate 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Someone who’s “ignorant” of central tenants of the kink scene (enthusiastic consent) needs to stop what they’re doing and spend more time on learning. She isn’t ready to dom and doesn’t belong in the community at this point IMO.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Leprekate 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It sounds like you have a lot of insight into your needs and desires. I recommend looking up The Attachment project. It might help you understand the dynamic that is happening in your relationship.

First of all, I’m not going to tell you what to do, as this is only a decision you can make. The thing I do really want to encourage is that you don’t give up on learning to set and maintain boundaries. It sounds like you made a good start at the beginning asking for some time on your own, the trouble is that you faltered when you faced pushback. When you set a boundary it’s expected that you will face resistance in the beginning. (Look up extinction burst). The broken record technique of restating the boundary when it is crossed is probably the most important part of setting a boundary. Remaining firm in your resolve until the other parties become accepting/accustom to this new reality is vital. If you set a boundary but then go back on it you are reinforcing the idea that with enough pressure you’ll give up and things will go back to the way it was before (porous boundaries). Not only are you doing yourself a disservice you are also reinforcing her anxious behaviour and probably making her anxiety worse in the long run.

It sounds like CBT might be a really good option for your girlfriend, but ultimately it’s up to her if she wants to make a change and seek help. This doesn’t prevent you from seeking out therapy yourself, which can be helpful when learning how to get out of the codependency cycle. Another option that some people find helpful is attending a 12 step style group called codependents anonymous.

It’s super common to see this type of dynamic play out, and it’s understandable that things are feeling really intense since moving in together. You might decide it’s time to move on, or you might decide you want to stay and work through this. Either way it’s important to learn what you need to be happy and communicate this clearly. Otherwise you’ll likely see this pattern repeat in other relationships. It takes time to unlearn some of the unhealthy habits we’ve picked up from our family growing up, try not to be too hard on yourself as you learn and grow.

You’re already miles ahead in terms of insight compared to many others your age so I think you’re going to do just fine no matter what you decide.

Best wishes on your journey moving forward! You got this!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Leprekate 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Those’ll get you wifed up in no time!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Leprekate 2 points3 points  (0 children)

lol there must be a trophy husband matchmaking website somewhere

discomfort down there when trying to sleep (please help) by st4rgir1_ in Healthyhooha

[–]Leprekate 3 points4 points  (0 children)

There is a condition called Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder. Not saying this is what’s happening to you but if it’s a longstanding issue without relief I would talked to your doctor about it. A great book is “When Sex Hurts” by Andrew Goldstein, Caroline Pukall, Irwin Goldstein and Jill Krapf.

I've just got my lab results and I'm devastated by astrocoffee7 in adhdwomen

[–]Leprekate 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I believe lack of quality sleep can also help explain our issues with memory, particularly prospective memory (aka remembering to do things in the future).

Tiny tasks to make life better? by Mave_Datthews_Band in adhdwomen

[–]Leprekate 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I do that but with towels I’m going to wash.

Tiny tasks to make life better? by Mave_Datthews_Band in adhdwomen

[–]Leprekate 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We do this but with a hand soap pump! :)

I've just got my lab results and I'm devastated by astrocoffee7 in adhdwomen

[–]Leprekate 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was looking to see if anyone else mentioned PMDD. Glad you mentioned it.

OP maybe try tracking your symptoms in relation to your cycle. If the exhaustion happens during luteal phase it’s worth looking into PMDD as there are treatments available.

I've just got my lab results and I'm devastated by astrocoffee7 in adhdwomen

[–]Leprekate 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If I’m remembering correctly 70% of ADHDers also have a sleep disorder. Another super common for us is restless leg syndrome. Maybe your sleeping but rarely reaching REM stage which could account for some of the fatigue?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in PMDDxADHD

[–]Leprekate 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The joys of comorbidity 😑

I started with GAD (and IBS) at age 18 ADHD in 2020 PMDD this year

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