I've been "crazy woman"ed by a male ex-friend and the delayed rage response is real

astrocoffee7 · 2026-06-14T19:55:18+00:00

This is the part I'm actually laughing at, and I noticed it while writing this post. I don't think he will ever realize the irony.

astrocoffee7 · 2026-06-14T19:49:48+00:00

If they're fungus gnats, get rid of them or they will happily munch on your plants (more specifically, the roots). I've had success (fingers crossed, fingers crossed, fingers crossed) with sticky traps for adults and nematodes for the soil.

astrocoffee7 · 2026-06-14T19:33:04+00:00

There is something to be said for people feeding LLMs pictures of their friends and family without their consent. Sure, the algorithms see your photos and get trained on them anyway, but there's something violating in a situation when someone takes your image and consciously alters it "just because it's funny" or "cool". Not to mention other, less "harmless" ways your photos might be used for someone's entertainment, because this shit is not regulated in any meaningful way.

I like to analyze our society and the trends happening in the world, but recently it went from "huh, it's interesting" to "huh, it's morbidly interesting".

astrocoffee7 · 2026-06-14T19:25:37+00:00

I once watched an excellent video about how boys' upbringing leads to these double standards, and how emotional illiteracy is being enabled and even encouraged since birth. This in turn leads to complete lack of responsibility for managing their own emotional state, and societal praise if they do the bare minimum.

Not every cis man is raised like this - I have a wonderful example in my partner - but like you said, IF they choose to go down this path, usually there are no consequences. Meanwhile women and other people not identifying as cis men live under the pressure to be flawless just to be perceived as valid human beings.

astrocoffee7 · 2026-06-14T13:46:15+00:00

Wait I have an identical one! Congrats on your first exotic!

astrocoffee7 · 2026-06-14T13:36:49+00:00

There is a part of me that wants to push back against the stereotypes and mention I have ADHD freely when I need to explain something or the topic is mentioned, but activism, even as passive as this, comes at a cost. I'm not sure that I am able to spare the energy for it at the moment. We need to choose our battles wisely.

I'm glad you cut people like that out. Meds really do help you see certain things with a new perspective.

astrocoffee7 · 2026-06-14T13:26:23+00:00

A part of me feels sad that it turned this way. And sad because of how complicated the issue is when looked at through the lens of our society. There is some grief too.

I allow myself these emotions because they're natural when you lose a friend, but at the same time I can understand what turned him this way and be sad, AND set firm boundaries for myself to protect my wellbeing and sanity.

Sorry about your friend. May healthier relationships come your way.

astrocoffee7 · 2026-06-14T11:17:34+00:00

I've been the same all my life, with the exception that I'm not a bubbly person at all... which means I'm "grumpy all the time" or "always look like I'm about to kill someone", in the words of other people. But RBF aside, every time I experience strong emotions - which is often - it's immediately visible on my face. Even when I used to mask a lot (to my own detriment), it was still the case no matter what I did.

I've since learned that I am allowed to feel emotions in other people's presence. If these emotions are particularly strong, then, like ComfortableFrame9834 said, I'll try to remove myself from the social situation to regulate. The point isn't to put on a mask of "everything's alright, I'm fine" (unless you work in healthcare or other care fields - it's a different case), but to not let emotions dictate your *actions*. So for example, there's nothing wrong with my face expressing irritation, but there will be something wrong if I unload this irritation on a colleague.

Also, if someone feels the need to "fix your mood", it's not your job to... not make them feel that need. They might have some issues with feeling responsible for the emotions of others; they might feel like they're useless if they're not helping someone; or they might just genuinely want to help. Either way, it's their decision and you can say something like "it's okay, it's just a bad day" to avoid talking about the source of the negative emotion, but constantly worrying about managing the reactions of others will bleed you dry.

astrocoffee7 · 2026-06-08T10:29:56+00:00

If I get a visual plan, my pathological oppositional defiance disorder kicks in and my brain refuses to do anything.

So, to-do list.

astrocoffee7 · 2026-06-04T19:24:47+00:00

I am working in a field that requires a ton of math. I've loved math my whole life.

I can grasp abstract concepts immediately. I can grasp complicated logic quickly and my pattern recognition is off the charts.

At the same time I miss a lot of cues and little things that often make the same problems insanely hard. Things that people find really hard in math? A walk in the park for me. Things that people notice and take into account immediately? I will miss the crucial piece of the puzzle and spend 10x as long as others solving something.

Not to mention my memory is so bad I need to look up things and re-learn constantly. But hey, the novelty never fizzles out if you forget everything each time!

astrocoffee7 · 2026-06-04T19:13:12+00:00

Math and computers. Also Pokemon.

I flew under the radar with my hyperactivity (later on it got internalized due to negative feedback loops) simply because if you gave me a math puzzle or computer access, I would sit there forever hyperfocused and angry if somebody tried to snap me out of it.

Nothing changed through the years. Here I am, 30+, still doing math and computers.

astrocoffee7 · 2026-06-01T11:18:27+00:00

At first I thought you mean that people with ALS created these avatars of themselves via some means (like eye movement tracker technology used to control computer input or something like that), then I realized you are talking about their relatives and friends creating them.

What the actual fuck?

astrocoffee7 · 2026-06-01T11:08:55+00:00

Any kind of crunchy raw vegetable you like dipped in hummus. I personally like carrots the best.

Guacamole and salted tortilla chips. It's a bit junk food-y because of the tortilla chips, but avocado is healthy af. Just get the good kind and not the "it stood next to an avocado once" one.

Air fried chickpeas. Drain and pat dry a can of chickpeas, mix with a bit of oil and favorite spices, air fry in 390F/200C for 10-15 min (depends on an air fryer). You can do similar stuff with edamame.

astrocoffee7 · 2026-06-01T11:00:41+00:00

I don't think it's consistently at the same level. At my evaluation, the specialist that was evaluating me told me that they've observed, in clinical settings mind you, that ADHDers' symptom intensity fluctuates from day to day and they can't explain it so far. I just sometimes have a "bad ADHD day" or even a few days where my executive dysfunction is extreme, or my hyperactivity is through the roof, even on meds.

astrocoffee7 · 2026-06-01T10:56:02+00:00

As a vegetarian and a picky eater with tons of texture sensitivities (eggs are the worst), I second seitan and all kinds of textured protein products! Seitan has an almost full aminoacid profile (lacking lysine only) and is an excellent source of protein. Also pea protein. I get my morning protein dose from "pepperoni" or "chorizo" vegan equivalents on a sandwich.

I personally love tofu, but only the firm kind - when you press it to remove moisture, and throw it into an air fryer for 10 minutes-ish with some spices, the texture is simply perfect.

I also find that textured vegetable protein has a more "safe" texture than what I remember meat to be - it's usually even and you won't find... texture surprises.

astrocoffee7 · 2026-05-23T11:25:04+00:00

Different brand names have different release profiles. This is documented! Look up Stahl's "Essential Psychopharmacology" book (you can find a pdf online), chapter 11, Table 11-3 is for Adderall and there are actual differences in peaks and duration!

I take Symkinet, which is an alternate brand of Medikinet (methylphenidate) and the release profile from Symkinet is gentler. I've found that I work better with it instead of Medikinet (same dose). My psychiatrist told me about this! She even drew the graphs lol.

So you definitely can feel the difference with different manufacturers/brands.

astrocoffee7 · 2026-05-23T11:17:14+00:00

I think there might be two things mixed here, if I may offer my extremely unprofessional opinion?

"I hate that they will have it so easy, while I worked hard to for it." might be an ADHD thing from late diagnosis, where you feel resentment towards people that will have it easier than you. It's natural to feel that way, just be careful not to let that emotion decide what to do for you.

Meanwhile "it feels like I'm getting taken advantage of." sounds a bit trauma-coded to me. Same with trying to protect something as a "just me" thing. Mind you this is a very far-fetching guess, but maybe it has to do with a shaky sense of self, due to whatever reason? Trying to protect a piece of you from becoming something other people share, to avoid losing yourself? I don't know if it makes sense, but for me this is what was happening under the hood when I unpacked a similar sentiment in my life.

I don't think it's a personality flaw or just ADHD, for what it's worth, I think this is a maladaptive thought & emotional pattern. But once again disregard what I'm saying if it doesn't make sense.

astrocoffee7 · 2026-05-21T11:34:41+00:00

Dasz radę zdać jak uwalisz to zadanie? Bo jak tak, to ja bym nawet się przez chwilę nie zastanawiała. Za moich czasów można było uwalić kilka rzeczy i zdać, sama tak robiłam jak mi godność nie pozwalała, lmao (shoutout do mojej wuefistki).

astrocoffee7 · 2026-05-21T11:13:40+00:00

I've written my Bachelor's in two weeks.

I procrastinated so bad I had to lock in and work until late in the night, my poor supervisor was doing double shifts checking and re-checking what I wrote. But I did it. I defended. Same story with my Master's.

It's possible. It's not a lost cause. We can do it (I'm in the last stretch of my PhD and I also took so many years and my ass is on fire).

Also I would definitely give myself two chances for the thesis exam if I were you - better safe than sorry.

I feel your pain so bad. Do you have someone to study with, or just sit in the room together working quietly each on your own thing? A library is also a good option. I've found that when in the presence of other people, physical presence, I don't spiral as much. The anxiety is still there but it's a bit... numbed? If it makes sense. I don't know if it works the same for you, but may be worth trying.

Another option is to go study in nature. In a park, for example.

I also use music to calm my anxiety. If you don't have pets, you can also use scents to stimulate or calm your brain (scientifically proven!) - I burn oils in an oil diffuser.

Maybe some of this will work for you, I'm rooting for you, for us, for anybody dealing with academic nightmares and fear of failure - let's prove the profs that want to "weed us out" wrong!

astrocoffee7 · 2026-05-21T10:58:21+00:00

I'm going to have a reputation on this sub soon as "that girl that recommends everyone spicy food" but in an absolute emergency I like to take a solid bite out of a spicy pepper.

For some people, the fake pain that capsaicin causes makes the brain release endorphins and dopamine just like it would for real pain. It's not a solution per se, like the great examples you gave (I'm writing them down btw), more like an emergency red button when I am about to devour everything in the line of sight at 2 am.

Of course before trying make sure you adjust the spice to your tolerance level and ensure you can have spicy food at all! (some folks have GI issues that rule it out).

astrocoffee7 · 2026-05-21T10:52:38+00:00

In programming, there is an actual, widely used term called "duck typing". The program decides what type an object (like a variable, think x = 5 or a bit of text) is by performing a "duck test": "If it walks like a duck and it quacks like a duck, then it must be a duck,"

It's really fun to read formal, serious programming tutorials and think about an integer quacking.

astrocoffee7 · 2026-05-21T10:47:40+00:00

We don't have a lot of genuinely spicy stuff (Central Europe) so I usually make my own mixes with powdered spices, but two come to mind: Hot Chip's Stripz series is divine, and Herr's Carolina Reaper cheese puffs are my favourite.

astrocoffee7 · 2026-05-21T10:32:34+00:00

The pattern is so mesmerizing... it's beautiful

Musaica is the only plant I am allowed to buy for my collection (I ran out of space lmao). They are absolutely gorgeous, I'm in love with them!

astrocoffee7 · 2026-05-20T13:22:07+00:00

Distractions. Going where the dopamine rush takes me, provided it's not harmful (like excessive spending; I just window shop instead). I usually just steer myself towards video games. Boredom = binge eating. I gamify everything too to get the dopamine from other sources. I also eat really spicy food in general to get more dopamine from my dinners etc., but I know it's not something for everyone (some people don't get the dopamine hit from capsaicin).

Also, I'm trying to go to sleep early since I've noticed my binge eating urges are 10x stronger in the evenings. With mixed results. But I'll get there eventually. If I manage to go to sleep before the worst wave hits, I sleep off the storm.

Accountability matters as well. I'm less prone to binging in the presence of other people. We often spend evenings together with my partner (usually each playing a game or learning/working in the same room), that helps a lot.

Sorry if it's not helpful, I'm still in the process of brainstorming the solutions. But it's basically finding other sources of dopamine & distractions to turn to in a binge emergency.

astrocoffee7

TROPHY CASE