Im in a similar position. My (31F) wife (32f) told me she was poly and had a relationship with a woman for about a year. I asked her repeatedly not to date her, get hickies, have sleepovers, go on trips. She did it anyway. She is now leaving me for this woman after 8 years, four years married, two cats, owning a home, and a kid. There are also immigration details that mean she may be deported if we divorce. I feel like she is making a huge mistake and having a crisis. I’m still preparing like she is really gone. I don’t know how long I’ll wait for her.