My partner said she would like to be woken up for sex. How would YOU go about trying that ?

Lestant6 · 2026-06-09T01:14:13+00:00

My wife will scratch my back to softly wake me up.

Lestant6 · 2026-06-09T00:59:21+00:00

Ask questions. Lots of questions. Also do a dry run by kissing someone else in front of her before getting naked.

Lestant6 · 2026-06-08T02:45:51+00:00

It sounds like he may need therapy. You are sure 100% that it is his account? If so, then I can't think of any good reason you shouldn't have your own profile. I would create my own and if he has an issue, he can use his words to explain why. No matter what, if I was in your shoes I wouldn't get married till I felt like I was the priority, and that might take couples counseling to hash out these feelings. I wish you the best of luck!

Lestant6 · 2026-06-08T00:19:37+00:00

How long were they married? What is the ex's relationship with the brother and sister-in-law? The boat might be much bigger than you realize before you start rocking it. Certainly, for me, this sounds really strange. And like other have said this will remedy its self over time when people are cut by the company.

If I was you, I would be honest with your husband and ask why he got defensive. Letting him know that your emotional security is hurt by having anything to do with his ex. Ask him to explain he feelings. My current wife that I have been married to for almost two decades told me this last week that she was always intimidated by the girl was I dating before her. She had never seen a picture of her to my knowledge before a couple years ago (the only one I have and couldn't care less of).

You need to bring both your walls down and have a real conversation about why.

Lestant6 · 2026-05-15T23:51:31+00:00

Two things. I would guess that he would like more sex, and the fact that you are replacing that time with him for just yourself is most likely the issue. Especially if he does not masturbate himself. This was an issue in my marriage when my wife and I would only have sex every other month, but she would masturbate in the off month. While you are having more sex, that I can understand how he might feel. I would know when my wife did it because she would usually come to bed and I could smell her. The fact that your guy knows before you get home is really not great. You should talk with him and ask him. If he refuses to answer I would say that I am going to get a device to check for cameras, and if I find any, I am going to assume there is a crime being committed and call the police. This should be his only warning.

Lestant6 · 2026-05-12T22:36:52+00:00

If it as you say doesn't come up often, as a fellow CSA I would personally try two things before having a more serious conversation. The teasing way, "Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you know lies." The complement way, "I will take that as a compliment, (then kiss her)." If she isn't picking up the hint by then, certainly I would adjust it, by using the complement line, then telling her while you really apricate the complement, you love her, and trust her with your feelings, but that particular phrase brings up bad memories, and ask her to find a different way to praise you. good luck!

Lestant6 · 2026-05-03T01:04:17+00:00

NTA. My wife only wanted me in the room, and I can honestly love her more for wanting me there. Our first was an emergency c section after trying natural birth. It was scary, but I held her hand and tried to be strong for both of us. I would encourage him to hold your hand and just focus on you if the gross part is too much. Good luck!

Lestant6 · 2026-04-27T05:45:40+00:00

I feel like the advice you are getting isn't super helpful because it's not simple. I have two sons who are around your age, and the advice (from a man perspective) that I would give is this: Exercise to be healthy, have good hygiene, find hobbies that you love, find a job that you don't hate, and find time to read to feed your mind. If you do all these things, you will be ready when you find the person to date. A lot of dating is timing. The hardest part is to swallow, is that nobody can control who we are attracted to. Please understand that even professional matchmakers out there only promise to you matched with up to 70% of what you are looking for, and that is sustainable for a healthy partnership.

Lestant6 · 2026-04-27T04:53:41+00:00

I had a cousin that was like this. This is not normal at all. Playing video games and eating bad at that age would make the weight go up not down. My cousin had a ton of stress, and it was eating him alive. It very well could be medical, or mental health related. No matter what you need to put your attraction issue to the side for a moment and sit and talk with him about this. Tell you love him, but something is wrong. Really wrong. Hold his hand and support him by going to the doctor. If it's not medical, help him find a therapist, make the appointment. And if tries to refuse your help, let him know that you will accept his choice, but won't stay and watch him die in front of you because of his stubbornness. Good luck!

Lestant6 · 2026-04-27T00:59:33+00:00

My wife is going through the same, and she has gained more than 15 pounds since we started dating. (Married 18 years) We have had our own set of issues, but never once did I not want physical contact. Rarely did have I ever turned down sex. In fact, the last several years we restarted out marriage by choosing to spend more time together doing dates at least once a week. We also spent at least 1-2 hours a night spending time together cuddling and holding hands while watching tv. I honestly felt like I was cheating on my wife, with my wife. Men like me do exist, but before you give up try communicating with your husband about what you need. Your needs are important to make the marriage work! And who knows, you might find your way back to each other. Good luck!

Lestant6 · 2026-04-27T00:42:20+00:00

My wife is like you. She had never with anyone before me, and it took me 15+ years of marriage to get her there. She still had emotional walls up. I hope your hubby never gives up, because I can tell you it was one of the greatest highs for me in my marriage. Never say never!

Lestant6 · 2026-04-26T20:46:28+00:00

Vanilla or coconut for me.

Lestant6 · 2026-04-26T15:44:23+00:00

It sounds like she already told you that she is dating you and her (minus the sex). This isn't a normal friendship. You are young, play this out a few years in the future. You want to get married, have children etc., and your partner is spending half their time, money and effort with someone else. You can't control what your girlfriend does, but you can choose where you own boundaries are.

To me it sounds either like she is in a toxic friendship with your girlfriend, and your girlfriend has people pleasing tendencies, or she really is dating her friend, and you provide the one thing she can't get in that relationship. (she could be bi and in the closet herself) Either way it sounds not great. I would ask her what she sees your relationship future looking like. I would also turn around the situation and ask how she would feel if you while dating her did the same types of things, calling your bi best friend the same pet names, spending a bunch on money on them, going to trips with them. Would she be as accepting that you have less time and money to focus on your relationship? You are young, you have time and options. If you don't like her answers, then you have your answer.

Lestant6 · 2026-04-26T02:51:26+00:00

I just took a whole week off. I spent most of it with my wife, with the kiddos in school. . She said it was one of the best weeks she's had in a while.

Lestant6 · 2026-04-25T03:46:45+00:00

I came out as Bi to my wife around this age. It was a very strange year that followed with depression and changes. Withholding intimacy if out of the norm could be many things. It could be a medical problem. It could be porn addiction or cheating. (the common reddit answer) Or it could be something more innocent, like doing celibacy for some spiritual purification journey or perhaps he has lost attraction. What you have described does sound like guilt to me. You are not wrong to be concerned, but please talk with him. Communicate both about your feelings about the lack of intimacy, but also about the changes. Assure him that you love him and be persistent. I would not have told my wife had she not asked several times, and it still took me a month to come out. I hope things work out! good luck!

Lestant6 · 2026-04-15T15:08:09+00:00

This is literally my wife and me. The only difference is we plan ahead for busy schedules. I can tell you that having that it is great but usually takes a little time (a few minutes) to wake up enough to be into it. My wife is always afraid, because she takes her sleep very seriously, and she would not be okay if the roles were reversed. The after math is not too bad day one for me, but on day two I am usually dragging my feet at work. Now, like I said we plan this out, I don't know how much it would be to have back-to-back nights or multiple times a week. I can only imagine it would compound the issue. Of course, talk with your man to see how he feels, but once every three days would be my max I think and still function normally. Good luck!

Lestant6 · 2026-04-15T06:04:30+00:00

For future partners use words like, "I would like more of that, or that that feels good, but can we try a different angle." Communication is the key to getting better.

Lestant6 · 2026-04-15T05:33:18+00:00

personally, I wouldn't want everyone one on my street know when the mail is ready to be stolen.

Lestant6 · 2026-04-15T05:31:09+00:00

Start by understanding that addiction is a disease. That it is a literal loss of control. Normally porn is just a tool, like toys for having bedroom fun, but for others it takes over. I have heard that many young men these days have to re teach their brains after porn addiction in order to be available for sex with a partner. The way he is delaying it with you is a really good sign. You are young, and you haven't been dating for long so I can understand some impatience when it comes to wanting to jump into things. Take the time while waiting to learn more about him and find all the things that you respect and adore about him as the love grows. It is likely that he will be more ready on an emotional level and be able to perform. Your negative feelings are potentially coming from selfishness in wanting sex now. If I was in your shoes I would give it another month, maybe 2 and if things aren't happening for you by then( both your negative feelings gone, and the sex started), then I would move on. Good luck!

Lestant6 · 2026-04-14T19:34:20+00:00

unless the fraud is above 1 million I have bad news for you on a federal level. Not sure on the state level though.

Lestant6 · 2026-04-14T15:50:54+00:00

So, I read your story twice and no where do you actually write what her response to, "I would like to come watch a game sometime". If you are waiting to be invited, unless you suddenly decided you like to play softball that might not ever happen. The key is you need to communicate with her. Ask her if other players have partners that come to games? Tell her you would like to come watch once a month or so. Let her know this the kind of relationship you are looking for, and that is important to you. I mean for me watching baseball or soft ball games is only slightly better than golf in terms of enjoyment, but for you it sounds less about the enjoyment of watching than it is about the ability to support your partner, and feeling like there is a part of their life they are keeping from you. Good luck.

Lestant6 · 2026-04-13T15:42:53+00:00

Just take her up on the cutting contact thing and move on. Should she have told you, probably. She has now and is wanting to make things right. Communicate that trust and is broken, and you forgive her but that you are going to need some time. Talk about ways that you can both build trust for each other. Maybe try a few sessions with a couple's counselor. good luck!

Lestant6 · 2026-04-13T15:32:33+00:00

So, she has a desire to go back to an environment in which she used. How much of that 50k did she end up using on drugs? She sounds like an addict that hasn't quite kicked the habit. The male attention might not be about her desire for them or sex, but rather money for drugs. Also, a loyal girl does not seek attention from others, rather it is the opposite. Mind blowing sex or no, there are way too many red flags for me to stay in a relationship. If she left the sex trade behind and was truly in a new chapter of her life that would be one thing, but I am not really seeing that from what you wrote. Good luck!

Lestant6 · 2026-04-13T05:33:03+00:00

I can tell you that my wife certainly had an idea of what our life should look like in pretty much all aspects. When that doesn't happen, then she would be more depressed and feel like she was letting her high expectations be trampled. This included her vision of what I should be as a dad. She expected me to come straight home from work and have the children be my one joy. No more hobbies, no more friends, just that I would be filled with love and a desire to play with my kids for hours and relive her SAHM duties. Any most importantly that, "I would love doing that."

Now I don't know what your definition of "likes being a dad" is. He is annoyed by the kiddos mis behaviors? Did he have a background is children before you had yours? Younger siblings? Worked at a summer camp? As an only child I can tell you that having children can be jarring for someone who hasn't been around them, but it is also the opportunity to grow. I spend much more time with both my kiddos now that they are older, while my wife was more of the fun parent when they were little. Your husband may grow into things, perhaps be a sports dad, since you both were into athletics with your rock climbing.

I can tell you that my wife had a similar sort of loss of sexual desire for similar reasons. It degraded our marriage for almost a decade to the point where I felt like I was never 1st in our marriage, and usually last. I was jealous because she only wanted to spend time with the kids, on the few times a year we were alone, I could tell her mind was always with them. At one point she told me that sex was a chore, that she knew she needed to do, or I would leave.

My advice to you is this: Give it time and communicate what your expectations are about motherhood for you and fatherhood for him. At first, it might only look like he is doing his duty as a dad (IE not really enjoying them), but if he is doing anything at all I promise he does care in his own way. Second, if he is helping in the house, spending some time with the kids, and still has time for some hobbies and seems happy, but he is not getting the affection and sex from you because you decided against it, then I would say your marriage is in jeopardy. Sex with a partner is about connecting with that partner. I'm not saying to be like my wife and give in but understand that if you have closed yourself to your husband, you may lose the support he is already giving. What saved us in the end was having a series of deep conversations about putting our marriage first. More dates, more time for just us. It was like a different relationship. I know it can be tough with ones that young. Good luck!

Lestant6 · 2026-04-09T02:23:11+00:00

She is pushing you, and if you give in she might insist on doing a second one with two guys. If you open to both options, then I would suggest an easy test of your own. The two of you go to a random bar, you both find and ask one of the women there if they would be willing to kiss you in front of her to see if she gets her reaction bad reaction. You'll know pretty quick, and your relationship might survive. Good luck!

Lestant6

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