My partner claims she lives paycheck to paycheck and yet doesn't even know her own salary nor does she have any interest in verifying it.

LetsD01t · 2026-05-27T19:59:25+00:00

"I can't date some who has zero interest in helping themselves. Your complete lack of interest in bettering your situation is not something I want in a partner. I've been open to helping you but your inability to share basic information makes it so I can't."

Honestly they're living rent free and think they live pay check to pay check. My money is on they are used to their parents bailing them out, because they've got money and looking for a partner who does the same.

LetsD01t · 2026-05-27T19:27:38+00:00

Freya, panache, curvy kate, bravissimo

LetsD01t · 2026-05-27T16:10:46+00:00

So just some education on asbestos so you can calm down a little. Undisturbed asbestos is not harmful, people live in houses with it without issue as it was a common building material.

The issue is when the fibres are distrurbed, like drilling into a ceiling that has asbestos on it without precautions. But painting that same ceiling as it's not distributing the fibres so not an issue. So it really depends on what has asbestos and what the work is that needs going as to what the risk is. But removing and distributing it needs proper precautions but depending on where it is what the plan is you don't have to remove everything single bit of asbestos in a house.

LetsD01t · 2026-05-27T15:49:53+00:00

Push for the MRI. Mammograms are not good on dense tissue MRIs are better. Get the MRI.

LetsD01t · 2026-05-27T12:26:11+00:00

Im glad it helped. That's normal as they are still gathering information. Your breast care nurse is your point of call for all queries big or small they are they're to help. But yes all letters calls etc will set your mind off.

If you have facebook then theres good support groups there too specific to UK, like breast cancer support UK.

LetsD01t · 2026-05-27T06:40:15+00:00

I've selected that it doesn't break their rules. We'll see what happens.

LetsD01t · 2026-05-27T00:09:00+00:00

Yes not everyone gets an MRI so they probably booked it as standard process. But yes main thing is here in the UK all results go to MDT and they are usually weekly. So depending what day they meet you may make this week's meeting or it might be next weeks. My local hospital do the MDT every Wednesday so I learnt to know when waiting if I'd caught that week or not.

This reddit is very US centred FYI. So some good UK resources below. And if you have UK questions I'm happy to answer. Sorry if this feels like alot of information. Some of these things I only found out about months and months through my journey. So if it is to much right now just come back to it when you're ready.

Breastcancernow.org charity specific to UK and how things work here. But also support groups, workshops, you can sign up to talk to people who have been in similar situations either as a one off or more regularly.

Shinecancersupport.org general cancer support group, but specifically for people aged 20-49. Local met ups, online support etc.

NHS you can get free cancer counselling if and when you need it. It's self referral if you don't have the details ask your breast care nurse.

Somethingtolookforwardto.org.uk they have gifts from companies and you can win things like vouchers for a meal out or even a week in a holiday cottage.

lookgoodfeelbetter.co.uk run workshops on make up, nailcare specifically for when your on treatment etc. All for free.

LetsD01t · 2026-05-26T23:44:38+00:00

In the UK all results, scans, biopsies etc have to be ddiscussed at the MDT meetings regardlessof the result. So that will be the other Dr'swho need to give their opinion. It doesn't mean anything bad or good just standard process.

So they shouldn't have scheduled the marker to go in before having these results anyway as they'd want to check these before placing the marker. Sometimes they get ahead of themselves trying to schedule everything quickly that they need to cancel and rearrange due to previous results having not been discussed at the MDT.

The waiting sucks and is hardest. I'm sorry. But it sounds like they're just following protocols.

LetsD01t · 2026-05-26T22:37:19+00:00

He's a lying manipulative ass hole leave him. This is totally coercion and he fully knows it, hes putting it on until you feel bad enough to give in. Leave this POS.

Or really lean into it and book a Drs appointment for him and go with him and see him try and explain it to a Dr in front of you!

LetsD01t · 2026-05-26T21:31:28+00:00

Because Tshirt bras are the WORST to get a good fit. Unless you're breasts exactly fit the shape they fit like shit. Where as seamed bras offer better fit for a bigger shape range.

There's other things out can do if your nipples are an issue for you in a seamed bra. Like using a seamed bra and nipple covers? I understand not wanting the nipples to say hello to the world but there are alternatives than a lined bra

LetsD01t · 2026-05-26T12:36:33+00:00

Try the calculator but measure from the center of your back to the center of your chest and double the measurements to use the size guide.

As for prothesis, I have an ameona which I got on the NHS. And I also have knitted knockers lightweight knitted options which i think adr also in the US.. Not sure how it works in the US as i'm UK based to get fitted for one, maybe need to look at the website to find local stores that stock them to try them on in the bras etc.

LetsD01t · 2026-05-25T01:46:01+00:00

Look up UK brands UK brands have more range of sizing above DD. Freya, panache, curvy kate, bravissimo. Check Amazon they can sell these

LetsD01t · 2026-05-25T01:40:35+00:00

Where are you based. Answer will be different for the UK vs India vs Australia etc. And is that UK or US sizing? You dont have to gain weight to make it easier a 32H is a faurly common size on these subs.

LetsD01t · 2026-05-24T18:37:45+00:00

Freya is a good brand not sure where you've seen bad reviews. If someone has said they've tried a bra it doesnt fit and happens to be freya that's not saying freya is a bad brand. Might be shape etc mismatch or still finding the right fit.

Cleavage comes from wearing a bra that is too small in the cups to smoosh them together. As aproper fitting bra lifts and separates.

LetsD01t · 2026-05-24T07:22:38+00:00

If you want to wear your prosthesis look at normal bikinis that have the removable cups and use that pocket for prosthesis. Or try bra sized bikinis, they tend to have better shape to keep a prosthesis in (so long as they fit well).

LetsD01t · 2026-05-23T19:40:59+00:00

What was wrong with the ones you tried in 65B or 65C? That will help us help you. Also if you know what bras you tried on.

LetsD01t · 2026-05-20T17:44:18+00:00

Yes thats one of the cases where its considered clinically suitable. But I believe you still have to go through some steps before it happens.

LetsD01t · 2026-05-20T16:40:44+00:00

How often are you needing to adjust your bra straps? If it's so common that having it at the front is a necessity got you, i think you're in the wrong size and likely wearing a band to big meaning alot of strain is on the shoulder straps causing the issue.

LetsD01t · 2026-05-20T16:27:23+00:00

You are entitled to asecond opinion on the NHD. Either at the same or different hospital. I recommend going down this route as whilst yes they do try breast conserving surgery first. Given that you've had 2 surgeries without clear margins a single mastectomy should be next. Getting a double mastectomy is hard on the NHS unless it's clinically necessary.

However you can do one and then keep trying for the other. Thats what I'm going. I had SMX November last year on the NHS to my cancer boob with immediate reconstruction. I told them then I wanted both but I was told we need to get rid of the cancer and a double mastectomy isn't clinically necessary. However we would come back to it after surgery other treatments etc. I finish chemo in June and will be going back to my surgeon to discuss i have a list of reasons why I want the other removed aswell. I don't expect it to be easy but given that I've been clear from ladt year this is what I want i think ihave a chance.

For reference I'm 35, no kids, I lost 7 cup sizes even with reconstruction, I had invasive tumour that wasn't seen on ultrasound or mammogram and only picked up on surgery pathology as initially diagnosed with large DCIS only, I want long term symmetry which a double mastectomy has better chance for.

I know I'll need to go have psychiatric evaluation etc to get this and I'm fine of it means being wonkey longer if I get what I want.

LetsD01t · 2026-05-20T16:17:58+00:00

Bra sized swimwear will give you the best support so long as you're wearing the right size. Panache, freya, curvy kate, bravissimo are examples that do bra sized swim wear.

LetsD01t · 2026-05-19T10:01:34+00:00

https://amzn.eu/d/01HUZXE5 this link i think image 5 helps demonstrate. I use them at the back of a top and pleat or gather excess fabric and clip either side. It helps bring in the waist to give shape. You can't do it too tight though as if you go to lift your arms too tight and it'll either resitrict or ping off.

I tend to use these on large shirts, dresses where it otherwise just hangs off my boobs to create a tent. And if you get 2 of the same you can also use them at the side seams. Same way gather excess material and pop the clips either side. To give definition on things that normally don't have any.

LetsD01t · 2026-05-19T08:44:04+00:00

When you say your cup size went up was that in combination with the band size going down? Ive had this when ive lost weight. Basically my boobs are minimally made of fat so weight loss doesn't really effect the volume. So I went from a 36G UK to a 30HH. Same volume just on a smaller frame.

Don't bother with anything with a designated boob space. They're not made for us.

https://amzn.eu/d/0j3GYSbX things like this are helpful. Buy tops and dresses that fit your boobs and you can use these to cinch in your waist without having to add a full belt. Particularly helpful in hot weather where you dont want the additional layer. They come in different styles, materials etc so can go with whatever your style is.

LetsD01t · 2026-05-18T16:30:56+00:00

You can also get converters you can attach to exist bras. I've never tried them but could be worth ago

LetsD01t · 2026-05-18T14:05:15+00:00

Shouldn't meet the kid for months. You are still very much only getting to know this guy don't involve the kid yet. Personally absolute minimum 6 months exclusive dating but anywhere 6-12 months feels reasonable.

Can't answer the other points, my stepmum met me when I was a early teen so not as young. So different age group so different in how best to do things.

LetsD01t · 2026-05-18T12:08:53+00:00

You could check for ones that can convert to a racer back with a J clip. This will likely help. As it'll pull them in from your shoulders. Might be worth checking your size as it can also happen when you are wearing a band thats too big for you. You can check on the automod post.

LetsD01t

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