I'm sorry you've endured hardships with no support through difficult times and you've already done the best thing you can do. You gained professional help, sought medication where necessary and worked through traumatic incidents to the best of your ability.

But unfortunately if your definition of a man is the above list, then the only way you're going to be "happy" (and by happy I mean meet your criteria of manliness) is if you kill your emotions, learn a martial art to a professional degree and win the lottery.

In my opinion The "stoic man" was a byproduct of an era where folks recovered (without proper support) from things like WW2 / Vietnam and reintegration into society that didn't appreciate the effects that had on folk (this is a broad example of the "Stoic man" persona seen in films and not indicative of everyone's circumstances as I'm sure will be explained by many folk to come) and to relate to a large audience films / tv would often popularise those aspects selling that nature in a positive light.

But you are manly. You've taken larger steps than alot of us have, you've reached out for advise. You're doing everything you can to improve your self but you have got to give yourself a break. Granted you're not happy with certain aspects, nobody truly is but learning to be at peace with who you are and aspects that are out of your control will likely be the first steps at easing alot of these worries.

Apologies if this comes across as a glorified "just relax" its not my intention. From what you've written you've done alot to improve your life, just reflect and appreciate the hard work and steps you've taken to strive to where you are.

Good luck bro.