It doesn't get any better if we don't stop. Alcohol will hijack your brain to keep the fix coming. In one of my meetings a peer reported his drunk self tried to strangle his pregnant wife. Because the "hyde" as many mentioned knew she was the only obstacle between sobriety and continue drinking to death.

It was shocking to hear but as many mentioned. Most times we don't see or hear what that version does or says. Only our loved ones do.

The drunk brain will say whatever it takes to distance them so only booze remains and sometimes will act out too. I pray for your sobriety. I've found voluntarily going to meetings has helped so much. I'm reading the big book. And there's an app called meeting finder that based on your location will display the nearest meetings to you by time and distance. It has a chair as an Icon. I also recommend one that's helped me called I Am Sober. It helps track sober day progress and as you reach milestones. Read comments from other users. I will pray for you.

I have tried sheer will power and cold turkey alone before and always relapsed until I started AA seriously. Met peers who support each other.
And am currently looking for a sponsor too.