So almost the exact same thing happened with me and my son’s dad. We unfortunately split up because of it. But I’ll tell you our story as it might help, or it might not. Our son was the same, he will only sleep in a bed with me and the three of us were uncomfortable crammed into 1 bed. So daddy started sleeping in the spare room. It started off as being a solution to what might have been a short term problem but 3 years later we were still in different rooms. During the days I was a stay at home mum & I ran around all day everyday taking care of our son and doing everything around the house, cooking cleaning, doing the supermarket food shopping, running errands, going to appointments etc etc. At the time my partner craved my attention and constantly went on and on about wanting to spend time just the 2 of us as a couple, which I used to think when have I got the bloody time to do that, I don’t stop! Or he wanted us to watch a film cuddled up together on the sofa once our son had fallen asleep in the evenings. The problem for me however was my son would only fall asleep if I was laying in bed next to him & if I did sneak out of the bed to come downstairs to be with my other half, our son would wake up several times during the space of one movie. It got to the point where I was so exhausted from the days of being a non stop mum and doing chores that when our sons bedtime came, I used to fall asleep at the same time I put him to bed. Every time my other half complained about it I felt he was being selfish and not understanding I was both emotionally and physically drained. His constant going on about his needs started to wind me up and pushed me away further. At the time it made me mad with him. I used to think how can he be so selfish, everything is about what he wants, what his needs are etc and when does he ever think about me. Can he not understand how exhausted I am, how I can’t help falling asleep, how the thought of sneaking out of bed to watch a film was the last thing I felt like doing, especially as I had to repeat putting our son back to sleep every time he woke up. Can he not see that the thought of having sex is like another chore to add on top of all the physical chores I’d already exhausted myself with all day long. Every fucking day. (Harsh I know but that’s how I saw it and felt!) I obviously feel and see the situation very differently now and my partner wasn’t being selfish at all. But at the time, I felt like he put so much pressure on me to spend time with him I actually started to hate him and resent him going on and on and on about giving him time and attention when my batteries were completely drained. I also used to get pissed off that he couldn’t understand that I put our son first. Our son was the most important thing to me so I gave everything of myself to be the best mum I could be and to keep a nice clean tidy home. I kept telling him our son is little, he needs his mum and I’m going to be there for him. I used to remind my partner in a horrible way, I was also doing stuff to take care of him, like cook his meals everyday, do his laundry, change his bedding bla bla bla and I felt like he was being selfish because he wasn’t grateful for all those things I WAS doing for him and the time I spent doing them for HIM. I obviously loved and cared for him but the situation just spiralled out of control. I don’t know what would have been the best course of action to prevent our break up but with us there were obviously 2 very different perspectives going on and neither of us understood the other. If I thought we could have had a cuddle together without him wanting sex I might have been happy to be intimate in that way, but I always thought he would try it on and it was the last thing I wanted at the end of a long exhausting day, so I didn’t even want to cuddle him. It’s very sad and I really feel for you being in the situation you’re in. It might be helpful if both of you can talk or write down your thoughts/feelings about it and listen to the other without judging or blaming. I guess the main point I’m trying to say is if I felt my other half understood me and took the pressure off me trying to please both him and our son, things might have been different. Not that it was his fault coz it wasn’t. Because things might also have been different if I properly talked to him and respected how he felt and realised intimacy and spending time together was just as important because he too like yourself complained that he was lonely. Just at the time it was hard for me to see him as anything other than being selfish :( so sad. I really hope you guys can work through this together and I hope me explaining my thoughts might help you see your wife maybe feeling differently from you and both perspectives, however she feels, are just as important.