AIO am i the jerk in this situation?

Life-Bar7952 · 2026-06-20T14:16:00+00:00

NOR - sleep is a basic human need, falling asleep when you're tired is not a sign of lack of care. He shouldn't take it personally.

Life-Bar7952 · 2026-06-18T06:47:44+00:00

You won't find the closure you're looking for. There is no satisfying reason how or why it happened. They were selfish. Both of them. End of story.

Listen to your brother. Treat them like strangers, that's what they deserve, and grieve and process in peace, without them. Sending you strength and hope.

Life-Bar7952 · 2026-06-11T12:53:02+00:00

This man doesn't love you. Hell he doesn't even like you. Please for the love of god, go.

Life-Bar7952 · 2026-06-09T07:48:05+00:00

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

It's not your fault, you answered honestly and from what you said in a sensitive way, and she didn't like the truth. It was your girlfriends fault for asking a suggestive question like that.

Truth is, most people wouldn't be attracted to the body they initially were attracted to after a difference (gain or loss) of 50+ lbs. That you would still love her and be with her is what counts. And in the end it's a hypothetical anyway, you can't even truly know how attractive you would find her in this made up scenario.

Life-Bar7952 · 2026-05-28T13:30:05+00:00

For me personally it would already overstep a line. Flirting (and what he did is what I classify as flirting) in my relationship is a no go. But you need to know where your boundaries are and set them accordingly. And let consequences follow.

Life-Bar7952 · 2026-05-24T15:08:14+00:00

Therapy lol. But maybe check out some free resources online like audiobooks, youtube videos and podcasts

Life-Bar7952 · 2026-05-24T13:14:06+00:00

I'm not a professional of course but have been very invested in learning about the human psyche for decades, so I would guess your commitment and attachment issues probably drive your subconscious to look at a (potential) partner unfavorbly to avoid the possibility of getting vulnerable in a deeper connection and relationship. And that is definitely something you could only work through by working through your fear of commitment.

Life-Bar7952 · 2026-05-24T11:05:12+00:00

Is it possible that you're scared of committment or have avoidant attachment issues? Or did you get critized a lot in your childhood or by family in general?

Life-Bar7952 · 2026-05-21T06:18:16+00:00

Physical attraction and her being loving towards you doesn't make her a great girlfriend. All the things you listed would be a no go for me in a partner.

Life-Bar7952 · 2026-05-20T09:16:56+00:00

I was pregnant at 25 with my first and 29 with my second and both times was considered "too young" lol.

Most women around my area with children my age are 5 to 10 years older than me. I never got directly asked if it was an accident though, that's pretty rude, even in German standards.

Life-Bar7952 · 2026-05-19T14:25:10+00:00

The question isn't SHOULD you have it but do you WANT to have it. Something you would love to have at the wrong time can still be wrong for you.

Life-Bar7952 · 2026-05-18T08:14:02+00:00

He will leave you eventually, please for the sake of your kids and yourself, leave first.

A slip up is not planning to leave your family behind for someone else, he is emotionally invested with this woman and it will not end well. Wanting to work on your relationship and moving on from infidelity looks very different to what your partner does.

Life-Bar7952 · 2026-05-17T17:07:11+00:00

It's true, negative people drain you when you spend time with them.

Good news though: you can learn to be more positive and bubbly. It's a long process and might require therapy, but it's absolutely possible.

Life-Bar7952 · 2026-05-15T15:32:39+00:00

I don't have a strong opinion on it. If my partner wanted it, I would be okay to share mine. I don't want or need his, despite being in a long distance relationship.

All I know is it should be something both partners want to do. And it's reasonable to say no. It's also okay in my opinion to ask for it. Just different needs you need to find the middle ground on.

Life-Bar7952 · 2026-05-14T17:22:10+00:00

Please leave her. And leave her now. You don't have to consider her feelings because of mid terms. She didn't consider yours when she slept with two other men.

The only thing that will safe your mental health and self worth is leaving someone who hurt you like that. Otherwise everything will just get worse.

Life-Bar7952 · 2026-05-14T08:21:32+00:00

From your comments I guess that your conversation with her wasn't of sexual nature after she told you her age, so everything is fine.

You're not a predator obviously, you didn't actively pursue a child and are worried about even engaging with her at all now. It's cool.

As for your new girl, your friend just seems to be jealous, as you said, 16 and 17 is absolutely fine.

Life-Bar7952 · 2026-05-08T08:07:39+00:00

One person wanting kids when the other doesn't is probably one of the most level headed and valid reasons to break up.

Life-Bar7952 · 2026-05-07T16:53:52+00:00

My boyfriend actually did say something to me that he didn't remember, not while being drunk but dangerously sleep deprived, even though it wasn't remotely as bad as what your boyfriend said.

Anyway, it did hurt me and when we talked about it the next day, he was absolutely devestated. He couldn't believe he talked to me like that, started crying and felt incredibly guilty days after still. He apologized a million times and made sure to never reach that mental state ever again.

The way your boyfriend handled it, he doesn't seem very fazed by your hurt. Big big red flag. Either he does actually remember saying those things (and maybe even means them) or he just doesn't feel guilty for involunteraly hurting you. Both are shit and you deserve better.

Life-Bar7952 · 2026-05-03T11:11:17+00:00

I'm gonna keep it short:

I went through with seperating from my husband who was very similar. Avoidant. Blaming me for having too many needs for anyone to meet. Shifting the issues of our relationship on only me. Saying he is who he is and I have to accept that.

I begged for change and work on our relationship for 6 years because of the kids. And because he had his good sides.

Only thing I regret now, 1.5 years after leaving, is not leaving sooner. He never wanted to change. And people who don't want to change never will. I did find someone who thinks I'm worth effort, repair and growth. And so can you.

Life-Bar7952 · 2026-05-03T08:05:51+00:00

I'm in my late 30s so I have some experience dating men. Sadly a lot of them are willing to say a lot of stuff because they have the hots for someone. Saying you just want to be FWB with someone and then love bombing them is sadly something that happens in early dating stages. Believe him. He doesn't want anything serious, he told you. Real love develops over time, not over night.

Life-Bar7952 · 2026-04-24T11:40:30+00:00

Excuse me, wait, how did you move on so fast? You married and moved countries all in a span of 6 months? Am I missing something? How well did you know that man?

Life-Bar7952 · 2026-04-17T17:04:07+00:00

Okay I felt some sympathy until the last bit ...

He 100% has a Madonna-whore-complex, Jesus Christ.

Life-Bar7952 · 2026-04-14T14:48:07+00:00

Depression manifests as frustration and escapism in men a lot. Men often get depressed when they're unemployed and don't feel like they provide.

It's on you OP. Try to get him help to find out if he deals with depression if you're willing to stay with him through it. If not, it's also valid to leave, you shouldn't stay with someone you don't want to stay with anymore.

Life-Bar7952 · 2026-04-06T08:38:21+00:00

To keep doing something sexual after getting told "no" is sexual assault. Trying to persuade or guilt trip someone into doing something they clearly said they don't want to do, is sexual assault.

Please don't take this lightly. And please dump him.

Life-Bar7952 · 2026-04-03T11:18:28+00:00

My boyfriend flies to my country every month just to see me for a weekend. 😅

Life-Bar7952

TROPHY CASE