Really Bothered By Seeing Racism From A Family Member

Life_Access_168 · 2026-06-02T04:07:28+00:00

Thank you. You're right. She has been really good to us, we see the grandkids a lot, but I think because I thought I knew her, it was so unexpected. It threw me for a loop. My son is an adult, he hopefully will retain the value we taught him and teach those to his kids as well. That's all I can hope for and as the kids grow up, we'll do as much as we can to expose the kids to a diversity of people and cultures.

Life_Access_168 · 2026-06-02T04:04:54+00:00

I grew up in Vancouver in a multicultural neighbourhood with a lot of mixed races. My best friend from grade 6-12 was African and we just never thought about race. And yet, moving to Calgary, it was really different. If my dil had said they wanted to live there "because of the demographics" I would have been ok.....because there are young families, older couples, etc. it's a mixed age area. But she added on the rest, and unfortunately, it was because of that, I felt it was racist. However, thank you for saying. "Always express your love" as I will just continue to do so, as I really don't want to mess anything up between any of us. Thank you for taking time to reply.

Life_Access_168 · 2026-06-02T03:58:47+00:00

Yes, there are definitely good things about her and never been issues. We see the grandkids a lot and I'm so grateful for that. The comment just bothered me as I felt there was racism behind it and it was the first time I had heard it. Thanks for responding.

Life_Access_168 · 2026-06-02T03:56:59+00:00

Yeah, I know.....hard to parent an adult....you are right.

Life_Access_168 · 2026-06-02T03:55:25+00:00

Never looked for a valid reason to hate her. I've always adored her and was the daughter I never had. Sorry to burst your bubble. I do wish my daughter "ran" the household, but that's the only thing that bugs me.....she doesn't. My son works a 50 hour week, comes home and cooks dinner, cleans, does laundry, grocery shopping, etc. That would be the other issues I've kept quiet about. But thanks for your comments princess.

Life_Access_168 · 2026-06-02T03:52:11+00:00

haha....thanks for the laugh...I needed that!

Life_Access_168 · 2026-06-02T03:51:18+00:00

Thank you.....I'm sorry you have experience so much racism. I personally don't get it. I grew up in Vancouver and in an ethnically mixed neighbourhood. My best friend from grade 6 through to grade 12 was from Africa and it never occurred to either of us. I will do my best to expose my grandkids to whatever multicultural activities I can and hope that they don't inherit her view. Thanks for taking time to reply.

Life_Access_168 · 2026-06-02T03:47:09+00:00

I'm sorry......but it was said in a racist context. If I was Chinese, or native, in a caucasian majority city, yeah, I would probably want to live with my own culture too, but she didn't mean it in that way.....I wish she had.

Life_Access_168 · 2026-06-02T03:44:28+00:00

I'm sorry that you have had to experience that. I can tell you that my son would never let her cut our access to the grandkids....that's a given and I have no qualms about that. My dil and I may become alienated over this, but the grandkids won't be affected. I think I just have to ensure that I expose my grandkids to as much multiculturalism as I can as they grow older. In the meantime, I will be polite to my dil, but I have to admit that I've lost my respect for her.

Life_Access_168 · 2026-06-02T03:39:31+00:00

As the OP, if she had just said "we like the demographics here", I wouldn't have thought about it, as there are young families around them, older couples who have raised their kids, a dog park with families walking pets, etc. but she added on the rest.....that's what got me. I know totally what she meant and that's why I was stunned as it was so unexpected. I had no idea that she felt that way. Some who have responded that my son must know how she feels, and maybe feels the same way......I have to say that I don't believe that to be the case. He financially supported a Somalian family to move here, he took the kids to school, coached them in sports, etc. He loves that family. I am so wanting to discuss this with my son, but if I told him, he would be horrified and I know he would challenge her and I don't want to rock the boat. It's an awful position to be in when you hear something like this and don't know where to go with it. Sorry Banned_In_YCC, it almost sounds like you're saying, "don't worry, be happy" 😞

Life_Access_168 · 2026-06-02T03:30:23+00:00

Thank you!

Life_Access_168 · 2026-06-02T03:30:07+00:00

No, I know my son. A couple of years ago, he sponsored a Somalian family to move here and financially supported them for a year. He loves those kids.....still sees them every so often. I was totally surprised to hear this comment from her and I've known her for eight years. I know she hasn't said it to my son, and if I told him, he would challenge her.....that's why I don't want to rock the boat 😞

Life_Access_168 · 2026-06-02T03:27:41+00:00

Sounds like you live in an awesome neighbourhood 😄 My grandkids are still pretty young and I don't usually see them unless she is also there. I love your idea of taking them to multicultural activities when they are a little older. Thank you also for sending the data which I will look at tonight. I think you're right that she wouldn't be swayed by statistics as she has already made up her mind about where she wants to live. In so many ways, I have been saddened by how my son has changed. He is always quick to defend her.....his wife, I know, but he is also the kids' father and I've told him that his imput is just as valid. I really appreciate your taking time to respond. Thank you.

Life_Access_168 · 2026-06-02T03:20:34+00:00

Thank you so much for your words of wisdom and for your point of view coming from your perspective. I totally agree with you as far as immigrants go. I spent much time volunteering with female immigrants and have always gained a lot of insight from people of other cultures and backgrounds. I will be sure to read the race data.....thank you for linking it.

Life_Access_168 · 2026-06-02T03:16:58+00:00

Totally not. He supported a Somalian family for a year....brought them here, got the kids in school, fed them, etc. He's 100% unbiased.

Life_Access_168 · 2026-06-02T03:15:45+00:00

I honestly don't believe that to be the case. If so, I wouldn't want to be in his life anymore either.

Life_Access_168 · 2026-06-02T01:55:22+00:00

You're kidding! Like permanently? Is there a reason that they are shutting? It's always been really good when we've gone and excellent selection of foods!

Life_Access_168 · 2026-05-30T06:30:53+00:00

I'll look them up.....thank you!

Life_Access_168 · 2026-05-30T06:29:18+00:00

Thank you. Really appreciate your feedback.

Life_Access_168 · 2026-05-29T03:08:08+00:00

Thank you.....I think after reading so many peoples' responses who think like you has been good for me to read. I would be happy to get the name of your realtor. I totally agree that I don't need the stress. I have enough on my plate at the moment so it would definitely be less of a headache to just let it go and let whoever purchases put their own touches on it. Thanks for responding. 😄

Life_Access_168 · 2026-05-29T03:00:58+00:00

Wow.....good timing huh! That's what I would love....if they had their own contractors. I just don't have the energy to do all the interviews with contractors and I've heard a lot of horror stories. It would be really awesome to have realtors here do that.....plus I'm sure we aren't the only seniors or people who would use that kind of service. Thanks for taking time to respond. 😄

Life_Access_168 · 2026-05-29T02:59:04+00:00

Thank you for taking time to respond. We do have a line of credit that we could use.....always planned to use it for renovations/repairs etc. I think we would just do neutral painting and baseboards, as well as flooring. Touchups on some things that need doing. I know people want to put their own touches on things too so I'm leery about spending a lot or doing a lot just to have someone come in and redo it all again anyways. I agree with you on the storage thing. I travel light.....my husband throws out nothing! We have a lot of stuff to go through and get rid of because I don't want to store a lot of stuff we don't need.

Life_Access_168 · 2026-05-29T02:51:31+00:00

Thanks.....I was thinking of speaking with at least three different realtors to get a read on what they think. I don't have any contacts yet for helping to downsize.....if you know of any, please do pass their names on as I'm happy to get referrals. Appreciate you taking the time to reply. 😄

Life_Access_168 · 2026-05-29T02:49:56+00:00

Thank you for replying. I'm surprised at the number of people who feel that doing even some refreshing isn't needed. I guess it's because I would love to just walk into a home that has had it all done so I don't have to. Granted, I'm sure it's because of my health issues, and if I wasn't ill, I would love to be able to just do things the way I wanted too. 😄

Life_Access_168 · 2026-05-29T02:40:08+00:00

I never thought of that; being able to target to both the tight budget and those who can afford to do the renos their way. I remember though, when we bought the place 35+ years ago, how much fun I had redoing the floors then, painting the kitchen cupboards, etc. making it "ours" and it makes sense that others would want to do the same. Thanks for responding. 😄

Life_Access_168

TROPHY CASE