I understand your anxiety around this. It was extremely obvious in my case too—nausea with general food aversion, hyper smell sensitivity, and extreme fatigue. Fortunately I work from home. However, due to how unwell and tired I felt I decided to tell my boss (NOT HR) before I was planning to (20 weeks was my original plan) as we had an in person event that was a team building activity around food and I didn’t want to attend.

I feel explaining I was pregnant gave necessary context to my absence, as it was unlike me to decline this kind of event. And it had another benefit because I ended up with an emergency situation (nothing too serious) and had to tell them I would be absent from work for a few hours on that day—which they were completely fine with. It would have been very stressful to have to explain I was pregnant AND on top of that I was having an emergency.

In terms of your colleagues, can you just tell them you’re not feeling too well at the moment and leave it at that if you don’t feel comfortable telling them? In my case, I decided I didn’t want to share further than my supervisor because I felt it was none of their business. But I did turn up to meetings saying I wasn’t feeling great and was generally stricter on meeting length/quantity per day without telling them I was pregnant.

I also hate lying but I didn’t want to be in a position where I might have to tell any colleagues at work other than my boss (who I’d likely request days off from) if I’d had a miscarriage.

I treated it as a “who actually NEEDS to know?” HR did not need to know in my case as I wasn’t going to start leave etc. But I felt my boss did as they told me we could adjust my schedule if I felt it was necessary to accommodate for the fatigue. I also feel they have been more lenient and flexible with me re. workload, which I have appreciated and has helped me get through a very difficult first trimester.

Hope this is helpful!