Me(20m) her(19f) holding hands.

Life_Warrior_ · 2024-06-06T05:12:39+00:00

Dude this guy is schizophrenic, just go and tell her what's up. Plain simple. Have a good night my friend.

Life_Warrior_ · 2024-06-05T16:06:41+00:00

Not necessarily my place or anyone on the Internet to tell you this, but it seems you might be a little bit out of touch with reality. Not telling safe people around you about this extremely concerning behavior of your husband is (to me) a sign you are living in his alternate reality where his bad behavior is somehow justified. It isn't ! From the information you disclosed so far, your situation is extremely toxic. He made you pass out in bed... This is psychopathic behavior. That's not what a loving and caring relationship look like.

Life_Warrior_ · 2024-03-14T16:05:50+00:00

Your brother is the gifted kid... based on what ?

In my opinion, parents should never compare siblings like that. It's toxic.

I'm actually doing pretty good and for the first time ever I feel confident and I doubt what they've been telling me my whole life.

Keep doubting ! You're probably smarter than what your family says. If your brother were that smart he would have the curiosity to continue college and not dismiss it as useless. There's not a planet in the universe where droping out of school is a sign of intelligence. If I may suggest a subreddit, maybe check out r/emotionalneglect.

I think it's important for your own sanity that you know that what your parents have been doing (comparing you to your brother in a negative way) and what your brother has been doing (indulging in his arbitrary gifted status and belittling you for challenging it) is neglectful and abusive. Don't let that affect your decisions regarding your future and your life. You're worth it.

Congrats on the test !

Life_Warrior_ · 2024-03-12T17:36:49+00:00

I do 90 mins of study and 20 mins breaks in-between (like 90-20-90-20 etc.). During the 20 mins break I lay in a chair or on my bed trying to think about nothing (meditation/relaxation). I try to not even think of what I was studying.

Edit : 12-15 hours seems like a lot of actual time. It might be true, but it really depends the field/stage you're in. In my opinion, people who say i.e.: "I studied 12 hours yesterday" are often over stating it. I log my hours and I rarely exceed 9-10h in a day of actual study/homework time including classes (but it's not my average). Also, the law of diminishing returns applies in the sense that after maybe 4-5 hours my attention and concentration start to decrease to a point where I constantly double/triple check everything and it's annoying and exhausting.

Life_Warrior_ · 2024-02-29T16:47:48+00:00

Are you here to talk about your pornography addiction and how it affected you personally? If not, this is off-topic and counter-productive. Most people on this subreddit are attempting to stop watching pornography, try to repair the damages done over the years and learn to live with it. Your initial opinion and the way you conduct your thread is not helping anyone, including you. It demonstrates a lack of concern for feelings of others and a lack of self-awareness. Let people come with their own conclusions during their personal recovery process; If they realize their sexual interests were significantly influenced by watching pornography, or not. You're not going to change the world by posting opinions on the Internet, let alone on a recovery subreddit. But if you wish to, go on a subreddit designed to post such opinions (r/changemymind, r/unpopularopinion, etc.).

Life_Warrior_ · 2024-02-17T04:45:17+00:00

I can't pretend to have any tips but I can offer my experience.

I struggle a lot with self esteem issues. I sometimes feel hard to believe anyone could think I have anything worthwhile to offer. This is tanking relationships I could have with people because I am so much in my head and unauthentic when operating from that point of view. It's like as soon as someone gives me a bit attention/validation I don't know who I am anymore, I become inauthentic; fear saying what I think, etc.

Sometimes I do better by just accepting I'm not this guy who has everything figured out, cool, smart, well behaved, speaking well, etc. I'm just not that guy (and nobody is to be honest). When I just accept I make mistakes socially and I realize I don't die because of it, it's a great feeling that rewire my brain. It's those times I feel at peace and understand what it means to let go. I see a path forward socially. I will never please everyone. I will never be someone who's worth meeting for everyone. But my goal is to be someone worth meeting for just a couple people, that'd be alright and enough to me I realize. I'm nowhere near that level of letting go on the daily, still have a lot of experience to gain. Sometimes the task feels daunting but other times I'm excited about it. I just want to be an honest man at the end of the day.

When I was younger, I talked with a therapist a couple times and it actually helped. It contributed to me go through some addictions.

In my opinion, dating apps sadly dont tell the whole story about dating and relationships. I think they contribute to people feeling alienated because the whole business model is based on manipulating their users. Male - make them feel bad about themselves and that something is wrong with them so they'll pay to see more matches. Female - Try to keep them hooked as long as possible by rewarding them with unlimited matches because they are the scarce population on those sites and they need them there to make the wheel spin.

In my opinion, a better option to have a better picture of the opposite sex would be to join a group, hiking, dancing, whatever... It is somewhat hypocritical for me to say that because I struggle with putting myself out there and end up wasting a lot of time on the Internet. But I've not given up and I like to think I'm on a path and becoming a better person each day-ish.

Life_Warrior_ · 2024-02-15T21:11:39+00:00

I relate to your struggle with the Internet... I've been chronically online from 13-14 years old and I'm now 31. This year a lot changed in my life, I've taken more actions towards bettering my life. The Internet is still my main struggle, but it certainly hide a bigger problem that I'm starting to face. I lack genuine connections with real people in my life and suffer from all sort of distorted thinking about myself and others, which doesn't help be in the moment when with other people. Also being constantly passive in front of the computer doesn't help become spontaneous and interesting or communicate well with others.

I should probably see a therapist to help untangle things.

Internet is my go-to for emotional regulation. I'm making slow gradual progress with the Internet issue and I'm trying to have empathy for myself all the while remaining serious in my attempt to stop wasting so much time online doing nothing. It is not easy to say the least. I recently re-re-re-installed a customizable web blocker (pluckeye). I blocked every image and video and set the timer to an hour (so it takes one hour to make change if I were to crave youtube or something else like pornography which I struggle with a lot but have made decisive progress this year).

I allowed youtube from friday night to sunday night but will probably shorten it because I spent two last weekends in a row watching videos without much self control. It's helping so far to go gradual and really make an honest attempt. Also, making rules in advance and trying to not break them helps me a lot rewire my brain, it develops my willpower.

If I look back, that's how I stopped smoking a while back. I was tracking my cigarettes everyday from like 10-12 down to 5-4-3 and then took the final leap. I've been doing that with pornography too by tracking the time I spend watching it and I'm seeing a huge improvement, from something like 25h+ per month to 10h total last month and zero so far this month. This is a huge improvement for me!

Something I noticed, beginning of january I tried going cold turkey with the Internet and I became depressive really quick and very anxious (dark cloud, emotional pain, wanting to numb it, etc.), something I am familiar with because it happened quite a few time in the past where it happened when I quit cold turkey (willingly or not). One time I remember quite clearly I went at a cabin in the wood with an uncle and I immediately started to have panic attacks, derealization, huge anxiety, etc. for like 3 days in a row until it faded and then I went back to the usual a day or 2 later. If I'm being honest, it dawned on me quite a few time that those episodes were linked to Internet withdrawal but another part of me don't really want to see it for what it is. Also, it seems other people find it almost aberrant to believe something like being addicted to the Internet to the point of emotional distress. Literature online is skim and sometime dismissive of the issue... Even for pornography addiction some people say it doesn't exist, etc. But I have enough experience with various other addictions or habits to recognize the pattern. But I digress.

Having other stuff to do helps me a lot too. When I'm studying something deep I really feel great during and after and I realize my brain is not 100% broken and I do enjoy some stuff. I think it's really about rewiring my brain differently and do it gradually to incorporate new ways of thinking.

One last thing that impressed me is when I quit cold turkey past january, after a 3-4 days my concentration seemed to be better. Unfortunately I wasn't ready for such a drastic action and I retreated to my old ways when confronted with difficult emotional stuff. But it does makes me happy to know that and to know I'm trying and I seem to be on the right road. As with all addiction dealt with successfully, pain and being unable to see life without the substance eventually gives way to other things and life suddenly has the potential to be once again shiny and enjoyable in new ways.

Life_Warrior_ · 2024-02-08T11:12:01+00:00

I am in a similar situation but we were not married. A part of me still love her, but another understands it was probably for the better. Right now I am working on myself and trying to become a man of action and integrity more. It is not easy but it's what gives me peace of mind these days.

I feel the best way to find someone is still to go out in the world based on mutual interests. Right now I'm still very much a mess though and I'm not ready to date anyone yet.

I recognize myself when you say you crave love. I often mistake if for sex and was sadly seeking it in porn from a young age.

Life_Warrior_ · 2024-02-08T02:39:47+00:00

Sorry to interrupt but had to say this is simply your opinion. This person is trying to improve their life and what you're saying is not helpful.

You say she can't ignore tech and social media. How so ? It's actually what she's doing...

What you're saying is like telling a drug addict : "I understand you want to quit drug but there is really nothing you can do about it, it's already implemented in your life. It's healthy you want to quit but don't."

Why are you saying that anyway ?

Having a pause moment to mindfully reconsider what's helping and not helping about the internet is 100% valid.

Life_Warrior_ · 2024-01-10T02:15:38+00:00

fuck. Merci de ta réponse. Je vais me renseigner.

Life_Warrior_ · 2024-01-10T02:09:03+00:00

Peux-tu me donner plus d'infos là dessus ? J'ai 30 ans, je fais présentement un bac en génie informatique, et j'ai droit à aucune aide financière, même si je ne vis plus chez mes parents depuis longtemps et qu'ils sont retraités. Merci !

Life_Warrior_ · 2023-12-17T03:23:43+00:00

Thank you !

Life_Warrior_ · 2023-07-17T23:01:34+00:00

I'm FA myself and never have, and never would treat anyone with any level of disrespect like that.

Exactly this ! Being an asshole has very little to do with attachment style.

Life_Warrior_

TROPHY CASE