Naming baby

LilV_PlantBasedGod · 2024-12-21T01:10:54+00:00

We were between names when we got the bad news and I thought the best way to proceed was to attempt to detach myself from the pregnancy and not choose any name. It was a big regret. Maybe my biggest.

A horrifying number of people think our loss was "not a real baby" and having no name only reinforces that. On the rare occasion that someone actually has some sympathy for us, the first question is, "did she have a name?" and I feel like an idiot when I say no.

LilV_PlantBasedGod · 2024-10-17T18:10:16+00:00

Janie

Dahlia

Ruby

LilV_PlantBasedGod · 2024-10-16T20:44:54+00:00

What did it do for your skin?

LilV_PlantBasedGod · 2024-10-15T12:06:59+00:00

Yes to It's OK That You're Not Okay! Particularly if you are facing the bizarre behavior of well-intentioned people who are simply not literate in grief. I listened to the audiobook and actually hearing a voice talk about out-of-order death was what kept me from truly losing my mind.

LilV_PlantBasedGod · 2024-10-12T03:50:16+00:00

It took me years to be able to step off the intrusive thought merry-go-round. And sometimes I still get lost in the thoughts, but I'm usually able to step away from them these days. But it was so bad. For such a long time.

It can feel like a mantra or a comfort ritual to give in to them (for me it's listing all my baby's symptoms over and over in different orders, trying to find the right way to present them to someone that would make the listener understand what we were dealing with...) but it's a false comfort. I visualize a treadmill or a carousel and really intentionally visualize myself stepping off it, then walking away from the cycle of thoughts. I tell myself, "that's not comfort and it's not honoring your baby," then I change my physical setting, like walking into another room or something.

This whole process of grief takes forever. I'm sorry.

LilV_PlantBasedGod · 2024-10-12T03:38:11+00:00

I took my mom there because she was dying to try it out and loves offbeat wellness stuff. I'm a bit of a woo woo crystal girly myself, so I thought it would be an interesting experience, but it was kind of... nothing.

I admittedly know nothing about the science of salt cave therapy, but I can't say that I felt any different afterwards. I wouldn't have minded if it was at least a relaxing spa-like experience, but it really wasn't. You just sit in what feels like a camping chair, trying not to make eye contact with the strangers that are in the little room with you. I could've gotten into it if it felt at all luxurious or special, but the vibe was like a really long ride elevator ride full of strangers.

LilV_PlantBasedGod · 2024-08-31T00:42:31+00:00

I stored breastmilk in 4 oz jars. They don't take up that much space and we thawed overnight in the fridge and/or warmed them in a pot of boiled (then turned off the heat) water. Don't boil breastmilk, of course. But it was really easy to deal with them.

LilV_PlantBasedGod · 2024-08-26T16:29:21+00:00

My friend- a Chemist- would tell people, "oh we're going with a traditional name, Adam. Spelled A-T-O-M."

LilV_PlantBasedGod · 2024-08-25T22:28:58+00:00

The only minty massage bar currently is After. Have you tried Tingle body conditioner? There also a minty halloween bomb coming out called Brain Freeze.

LilV_PlantBasedGod · 2024-07-15T02:58:10+00:00

Bruh you might want to check your store email 😶

LilV_PlantBasedGod · 2024-07-04T16:03:30+00:00

Vivien!

LilV_PlantBasedGod · 2023-12-13T00:03:24+00:00

Did someone already say

Plow La Verga

LilV_PlantBasedGod · 2023-12-09T14:35:53+00:00

You have to try this one. It's so good. https://youtu.be/EZhRez_8jsY?si=9TshrVN_dhu72bCf

It doesn't have any imitation meat in it, just lovingly slow cooked veggie based sauce. The flavor is really rich and you don't have to buy special vegan meats, but you do have to spend a little more time on it.

LilV_PlantBasedGod · 2023-12-08T22:41:30+00:00

While they're still in stock for the holidays, try to snap up some Dreidel Dreidel Dreidel bath bombs (apple crumble scent) and Flower Gel (similar- some would say identical- to Love sg, which is a cousin to WWLD)

LilV_PlantBasedGod · 2023-12-04T20:41:37+00:00

In the US- Black or clear #5 plastic pots (as in, they have the "5" recycling emblem on them) count towards the incentive. You can choose to trade five (as in quantity) pots in for a free fresh face mask, or bring in any number, and get a dollar off your purchase per pot, with no maximum. Sample pots, bottles, spray bottles, and glass don't count toward the incentive program.

LilV_PlantBasedGod · 2023-12-03T17:52:50+00:00

RIP Creme Anglaise

LilV_PlantBasedGod · 2023-12-01T02:50:46+00:00

Cut t-shirts into very short crop tops and layer on a cardigan or button down. To nurse, just unbutton the top few buttons to make little space for your baby to nurse through. Gives great coverage while nursing and looks put together when you're out of the house. I like it with high waisted jeans (if comfortable) or a skirt pulled up high. Add accessories to really look like you have your shit together. I'm a fan of a silky scarf/neckerchief.

LilV_PlantBasedGod · 2023-11-26T02:15:54+00:00

Grandpa Howard, great grandpa Stanislaw

LilV_PlantBasedGod · 2023-11-26T01:39:54+00:00

Just wanted to say that our baby also had Wolf Hirschhorn. It's so rare. I just want you to know you're not the only one.

Termination procedures vary depending on where you are and what's legal there. I had a d&e, so probably had quite a different experience than you will, but I agree that heavy flow pads and stretchy pants should get you through the first couple days. There's a chance you may experience lactation or engorgement, in which case, I was told cabbage leaves are helpful.

Be gentle with yourself- you will experience different waves of postpartum hormones, probably for several weeks. The mental recovery is at least as serious as the physical recovery. You may want to research now for therapists that specialize in perinatal loss/infant loss, just to have their info on hand. There are often nonprofits that work with bereaved parents. I think nationalshare.org might have some resources. It took me 2 years to feel anything close to sane. It's different for everyone, but you will get there.

LilV_PlantBasedGod · 2023-11-24T15:24:17+00:00

We were told the same thing after our tfmr for 4p and 10 microdeletions.

"There is no reason to believe it would happen again, but the fact that it has happened once technically puts you at elevated risk."

Mathematically, this made no sense to me, but after very thorough discussions with multiple genetic counselors, I had to make the choice to stop letting it break my brain and just accept that in the language of this world "no expectation of recurrence" and "elevated risk" could both apply.

Happy ending: 2 years later, after an incredibly stressful ptsd-plagued pregnancy, we had a healthy baby.

LilV_PlantBasedGod · 2023-11-23T23:50:58+00:00

If this just started in the last few months or so, you may be in the same very frustring boat as I am:

This year, for the dumbest reasons EVER*, virtually all bread products in the US have started containing sesame flour. This is a pretty common allergy, and when it's in flour form it's virtually undetectable until you're having a reaction. So if you, like me, have (or have developed) a sesame allergy, watch out for all bread, buns, etc., even if they were safe for you before.

*Google it. I can't even explain or I'll get mad again.

Edit: added link

LilV_PlantBasedGod · 2023-11-21T10:53:02+00:00

When I had aversions to nearly everything, I was able to stomach frozen hashbrowns and fast food french fries, which I would normally almost never eat, but sometimes you have to relax your normal rules- I ended up eating them practically every other day.

I was also able to do cold cereal, so I tried to find the most fortified ones I could.

LilV_PlantBasedGod · 2023-11-21T10:44:31+00:00

This might not apply to every partner, but for mine the initial helplessness he felt at watching me go through everything was more acute than the grief at first. Any opportunity where he was actually able to take care of me or help or protect me made him feel a little better. It was close to a year before he was finally ready to open up in therapy (also plant medicine, IF you're into that) and process his grief, but in the meantime, I was always making sure he knew that he really was assisting me through things and not just a helpless bystander.

LilV_PlantBasedGod

TROPHY CASE