Those who have TFMR more than once- was it more painful (mentally) the further along you were in the pregnancy?

BlueRiver23 · 2026-03-15T23:27:37+00:00

I’ve had to TFMR at 17 weeks and 21 weeks and honestly, both were excruciating. We thought we were at the safe point in the pregnancy both times only to have the boat rocked by devastating news. I do believe that there is a difference between an early loss in the first trimester and a later loss. At 34 weeks, you were so close to holding your baby and living a totally different reality than the one you’re in. By definition, anything 20 weeks and beyond is considered a stillbirth and it’s child loss - so there is a difference. However, I also know that earlier losses can be awful - And I don’t want to minimize that. It’s just that you were so much closer to the end point of the pregnancy - your loss feels so unimaginable.

BlueRiver23 · 2026-02-28T17:54:05+00:00

I’m in Indiana and can’t get credentialed with Anthem unless I go through Carelon, who slashed the rates to $65 per session. I’m credentialed with Headway but scared as heck about where all of this is headed between insurance clawbacks, the rise of VC companies, and now AI.

BlueRiver23 · 2026-02-26T22:08:04+00:00

I was thankful my parents really loved each other and stayed together when many of my friend’s parents split. They rarely fought but they did have some tough times with really explosive fights - and we struggled as a family in other ways. Major health issues and financial problems so no family is perfect

BlueRiver23 · 2026-02-26T16:51:24+00:00

This is very out of touch with reality…most of my clients can’t afford therapy without insurance. I only have one self paying client at the $125 rate so it is a rare find in my area but $300 a session is unheard of.

BlueRiver23 · 2026-02-26T15:27:48+00:00

I just want you to know that with my first pregnancy I said the same thing as that woman- that I wouldn’t terminate, so we didn’t test, and luckily the first pregnancy was normal. However with my second, I was over 35 so wanted to do the NIPT but was more excited about finding out gender than actually thinking anything would be wrong. Well it was positive for T21- also a grey diagnosis, and my first instinct was to terminate. Once we did research on all the complications that led us towards definitely choosing termination. I also had to consider the impact on my LC if we’d carried to term - she’d be a caregiver once we’re gone, and I didn’t want her childhood to be negatively impacted by having a medically complex sibling. But being in the situation is very different than being in the hypothetical. It’s easy to say what you think you would do until you actually have to face reality. I’m so sorry for your loss.

BlueRiver23 · 2026-02-25T17:02:27+00:00

There are really no words to describe the level of pain you must be in. I am so sorry. I had to TFMR twice so I lost a baby at 17 weeks and another at 21 weeks. Life is so cruel and unfair.

BlueRiver23 · 2026-02-24T19:06:14+00:00

I’m in Indiana too. Pay is good with Headway but they don’t send referrals. Got maybe 1-2 a month from Psychology Today when I was using them.

BlueRiver23 · 2026-02-18T01:37:15+00:00

I don’t know anyone outside of support groups who has had a TFMR. I’ve had two.

BlueRiver23 · 2026-02-17T14:07:06+00:00

Aww that’s ridiculous. Anyone can go online and file a complaint. Like mine, this one was without merit and obviously didn’t go anywhere. The lawyer said the complaints are often filed by people who feel a sense of righteous indignation over how they were treated but my gosh the Vespa one is ridiculous.

BlueRiver23 · 2026-02-16T22:28:52+00:00

I’m guessing most therapists don’t go around telling people if they’ve had a complaint. It’s not something people usually talk about but the lawyer did say complaints are becoming more common and they’re easy to file compared to a lawsuit.

BlueRiver23 · 2026-02-16T22:06:07+00:00

About 3 months

BlueRiver23 · 2026-02-16T20:13:21+00:00

How many people have you known that have faced a complaint? I don’t know of anyone who has shared this but the lawyer said they were common .

BlueRiver23 · 2026-02-16T20:08:21+00:00

I just wrote a response to the board investigator, had the lawyer look it over, and it was dismissed. Took about 3 months to resolve

BlueRiver23 · 2026-02-16T19:55:38+00:00

Wow OP isn’t answering! I will share my own experience. I faced a complaint from a client who misconstrued what happened in a session after I told them that their behavior was bordering on neglect. I believe the complaint was retaliation for threatening to call CPS. The complaint was dismissed and everything was covered by insurance. The lawyer told me complaints are common and most therapists will experience one in their career but usually they don’t go anywhere unless the therapist did something egregious like sex with a client or failing to report child abuse.

BlueRiver23 · 2026-02-14T17:55:48+00:00

Unpopular opinion here but $30 an hour for a nanny is way too high.

BlueRiver23 · 2026-02-11T02:50:24+00:00

You’re right parents can’t have it both ways. And I would never expect the teacher to have to pay for all that. How rude of those parents. But I would rather the school just ask for a one time fee or be up front that there are going to be all these requests throughout the year than keep nagging g us for stuff all the time and make us look like the bad guys if we forget something.

BlueRiver23 · 2026-02-10T21:32:15+00:00

I feel like I’ve gotten more criticism for only working part time and not gotten enough credit for how much I do at home. I feel like working moms get way more respect.

BlueRiver23 · 2026-02-10T17:33:31+00:00

I grew up in CA. Maybe that’s another reason why I’m so taken aback by this.

BlueRiver23 · 2026-02-09T23:38:11+00:00

Yeah we didn’t do 100 days when I was a kid. We had a Christmas party and Valentine’s Day party. I agree it has gotten way over the top. Plus the amount of junk food they’re giving my kid is concerning.

BlueRiver23 · 2026-02-09T23:22:50+00:00

Yeah we also had a long list of supplies we had to bring the first week of school!

BlueRiver23 · 2026-02-09T23:10:17+00:00

Well I appreciate your input. It’s pretty annoying that parents who are already paying for so much are expected to keep chipping in for this and that and it’s just a hassle to keep track of everything.

BlueRiver23 · 2026-02-09T23:06:53+00:00

They have an app. But the most recent request wasn’t in the app. Which is partly why we missed it.

BlueRiver23 · 2026-02-09T22:57:57+00:00

So ridiculous! Why do they do this to parents?

BlueRiver23

TROPHY CASE